karenrose

WEDDING DATE:

Oct 20, 2013

karenrose

Co-officiated weddings are hard!

  • Last updated on November 1, 2012 at 7:13 am
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  • 1 comment

Co officiated weddings are hard photo 1

How hilarious is this photo?  Source

...but doable, I think :/

As many of you may know from personal experience, you don't choose who you love.  This being the United States of America with the glorious First Amendment and all, religion shouldn't get in the way of one marrying the love of their life and marrying the wo/man of his/her dreams... right?

I know more than a few grown men and women who are products of an interfaith Jewish-Catholic marriage, which, combined with several episodes of the 1990s TLC series A Wedding Story, led me to believe that people do this all the time, and that finding an open-minded officiant willing to co-officiate with another open-minded officiant would be no sweat, especially in the cobalt-blue state that is San Francisco.  As it turns out, it's actually really, really hard.

Co officiated weddings are hard photo 2

Ugh, these lucky bastards... I mean, nice people who obviously figured out something I have not yet. Source

Like all great wedding planning feats these days, I started with a Google search.  We were immediately able to find a rabbi who specializes in co-officiating interfaith weddings.  We scheduled a phone call with his wife/assistant/manager (I dunno, like a Sharon Osbourne for rabbis?)  During the phone call, she said that they plan out the ceremony for you, it's all very specific to the couple, etc. AND they have done several weddings with Filipino Catholics.  SCORE... right?  Well, she went on to say that their fee for very, very basic service with minimal interaction with us and planning is $1050!  I wish I could put numbers in larger font than it is already in... our budget is continually climbing toward the heavens and this had me righteously pissed off, especially considering that this didn't include the amount we would donate to the priest's parish.  Convinced there had to be a more managable solution, I headed back to the interwebs.

I kept searching on Yelp and Google, and it had been pretty hard.  I read blogs of people who got married this way, and they all got married in other states.  I went on to ask every single observing Jew I know if their rabbi would co-officiate, which just led to dead ends. 

Then, I realized that I hadn't even bothered to ask "my side" for help.  So, I have been emailing back and forth with the deacon at the Archdiocese of San Francisco.  He said that special dispensation is required for weddings outside of the church, with even more difficulty getting approved for weddings outdoors.  However, I'm really impressed by how easy the conversation has been with him in exploring our options.  I'm still really hopeful that we can work something out.

In addition, I have found InterfaithFamily.com, which has given me referrals to rabbis in our area that might co-officiate.  FI is still in the process of getting in touch with them, but based on what I have been able to research about these rabbis makes me much more hopeful.

 

(1) Comment
That's great! Keep us posted as soon as you have more information!