Oct 20, 2013


Where I've Been

I haven't been signing into PW lately.  My wedding date was originally set for June 30 (incidentally, the same day as SF Pride... ha!)  Life is, however, that which happens when you are bust making plans.  On February 15, just over a year after being diagnosed, the melanoma that had invaded my sister's body overwhelmed her and she passed away in her sleep.

We had known Joy was terminal about three weeks earlier.  I had just started a new job at the Capitol, and with a promotion I was under a lot of pressure to impress.  After a phone call from my brother in law to leave work and drive to my parents' house because Joy had "something to tell me", I practically ran out the door and drove the entire hour to my parents' house in tears.

Joy was always supposed to be my maid of honor.  Even at the young age of 16, she asked me to be her maid of honor 14 years ago.  I have three wonderful women whom I refer to as my "best friend" but of all the people in the world, Joy was my true best friend.  I knew she always had my best interests in mind, and knew that no one could possible understand me as she did.  She was 7 years older than me, but never found it below herself to play with Barbies with me, take me to the mall, or try new restaurants together.  There was no one whose opinion I trusted more, especially when it came to anything wedding related.

Needless to say, I knew that I could not plan a wedding by June.  Some people go through worse and still pull off a wedding under a similar timeframe, but I couldn't bring myself to celebrate, let along ask my family to celebrate, so soon after a tragedy had occurred.  My aunt passed away just months before my sister's diagnosis, and the constant stress and loss taken its toll on us.

Today, my sister's daughter, my niece Adrienne, turned four.  Each year on Adrienne's birthday, FI and I would join my sister and her husband to celebrate a dinner with Adrienne.  It has been a hard day, but spending some time with my sister's family was very therapeutic.  Here's a pic of us today at dinner:

Where I ve Been photo 1

While I am feeling a little better, I know that this will take time.  I have gotten back to planning things here and there, and hey, someday I'll even get my save-the-dates out!  Joy will be at my wedding, in some way or another--that's how it's always been meant to be.  Sometimes I still can't believe there can be our family without her, even a world without her.  At the same time, time seems to be flying, and I feel that before I know it, we'll be together again.

Where I ve Been photo 2

(I'm the one on the far right, and Joy is right next to me.  This is us with all of our stateside cousins from my mom's side.)

(2) Comments

I am really sorry to hear that about your sister, reading your story had me in tears. I am sending you lots and lots of hugs, prayers, and love! You sister is watching down over the entire family, and she will be there watching down at the wedding.

I'm really devestated to hear this. And I swear to you just two days ago (probably when you wrote this), I was thinking about you and how I haven't seen you on PW for awhile. That even if I don't sign on for awhile, I hope to see how your wedding turns out. I'm really really sorry that you're dealing with this. Although, Adrienne is the cutest, and your sister will definitely be at your wedding one way or another. Sending my thoughts to you as you navigate through a new job, family, and wedding planning. *hugs*