aghhh... bridesmaid baby.

ok ladies...i need advice.


my best friend had a baby 18 mos. ago... she's a bridesmaid and i really don't want her to bring her baby to the wedding, it's formal and there will be no other kids there.


all of my other friends are getting babysitters.


i offered to help her find a babysitter but she said that'd make her uncomfortable. i also asked her to have her baby daddy take the baby away early, she said he'd feel left out then (the baby daddy).


i don't know what to do both my groom and my parents don't want the baby at the wedding. i don't want to lose my best friend over this but i don't know if i should put my foot down.

Posted on August 6, 2008 at 7:50 am
cvillebride
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(29) Comments

jess143
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keep in mind that if you tell her no, she probably will not come. SHe has carried this baby for nine months, and forthose nine months she has known everyhting, every move, every turn etc. This baby is probably all she has thought about since she got pregnant. She has a very close bond to the baby and since it is a newborn, she doesn't want to leave it with someone. Why don't your parents want it there?? I was a t a wedding this weekend where the woman had her 3 month old baby. The baby mostly slept in one of those sacks that out can wear. The mom was dancing and everything, barely even knew the baby was there!!

Posted on August 6, 2008 at 7:54 am
cvillebride
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oh yeah, i understand a new born or 3 month old they do just sleep... but this baby is 1 and a half. he is walking around, toddling around really, baby talk, all of that sort of thing.


she goes to school, so she does leave him with babysitters, it's not like she has never left him before.


but i do appreciate what you are saying... i know she is close to him.

Posted on August 6, 2008 at 7:57 am
Niki
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I wouldn't call an 18 month old baby a newborn.  I offered an on-site babysitter for my bridal party's kids.  I had an adult only ceremony and reception as well.  I can't tell you how much fun the parents had without their kids (and how much fun I had not competing for their parents' attention).

Posted on August 6, 2008 at 7:58 am
LAMB2009
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I agree with Jess, a baby that small will not even be noticed. But... it is not fair to allow her to bring a baby if you are not allowing everyone to bring their children. It is either all children, or none. She has to understand that she is not above the rule, and it isnt fair to ask you to bend on this. I guarantee other people will be annoyed that her baby could come and theirs couldn't. Things like this can get ugly quick. Handle it carefully, but I would hold firm and just explain that you cant make an exception. Good luck!

Posted on August 6, 2008 at 7:58 am
jharks
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Wait, the baby is 18 mos? That is a year and a half. She needs to leave the CHILD with a sitter. It isn't like the baby is a newborn. Could she leave the baby with someone she trusts, like an aunt or grandparent? I think you need to put your foot down, BUT present it in a way like "Baby Mama, I really want you AND your baby daddy to be able to enjoy the ceremony and the reception. Plus, it would be a nice excuse for the two of you to spend an "adults" night in a hotel. Why don't you see if your mom/sister/cousin/friend can watch the little booger for the night so you guys can come and be relaxed for the night!"


 

Posted on August 6, 2008 at 7:58 am
jess143
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oh god, sorry/.....I didn't see the 18 month old part...mind is kinda on work, for some reason I was thinking 4 months! lol I agree, sheneeds to leave the child with a sitter

Posted on August 6, 2008 at 7:59 am
jess143
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tell her that you have family members with kids (the kids are fmaily  too) and you cannot make this exception, if you did...you would have to makie it for your whole family

Posted on August 6, 2008 at 8:00 am
cvillebride
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thanks ladies and jess...


i agree with the sitter, i suggested that to her, but she said no.


do i say yes, you have to. this would be really hard for me but maybe is what i should do.


or i could look into on site.


thoughts?

Posted on August 6, 2008 at 8:01 am
LAMB2009
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Ohhh I missed the age as well... a little old to sleep the whole time!

Posted on August 6, 2008 at 8:01 am
jharks
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I would tell her that she needs to get a sitter because no one else is allowed to bring their kids and it would cause problems for you if she brings hers. Plus, why would they want a baby at the wedding with them, unless she just wants people to pay attention to her...

Posted on August 6, 2008 at 8:02 am
LAMB2009
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Put your foot down! Tell her how it is, dont suggest. I know its hard! Sorry!

Posted on August 6, 2008 at 8:02 am
cvillebride
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thanks jharkins... yeah she is like well lots of people will want to see the baby.


i'm like i know but it's my wedding not your baby shower.


ok i'll have to come back harsher. i just don't want to i'm sick of having to give bad news to people, shouldn't the wedding be more fun for the bride! ugh. i'm over it.

Posted on August 6, 2008 at 8:05 am
jackieg
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AND....how long has she known about being a bridesmaid and known that there are NO kids???  it's your day...not hers or her kid's....

Posted on August 6, 2008 at 8:18 am
prbetsi75
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Tell her she can throw a great birthday party for the little one when s/he turns 2, and she can invite the world so everyone can see the baby then.  geez. 

Posted on August 6, 2008 at 10:49 am
HolyMolyMatrimony
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I don't even know what to say- why don't people just get it? Such a pain in the a**


No offense, but that age doesn't sound fun for the wedding haha Doesn't she want a night away anyway- geeezeee


Especially for a BM you'd think she'd be more understanding- shes there for you, not to attend to her kid the whole time- its only a few hours out of her life, you know?


- HMM :)

Posted on August 6, 2008 at 10:52 am
SunsetHawaiiWeddings
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I have a little one and having her there while I was a BM would drive me nuts. The is no reasoning with an unpredictable toddler. If you were into kids running around and distracting everyone and the unpredictable screams, than I would say go for it. But this is not your case and she should respect that. Truth is, she probably will not have fun being away from her little one, so I would not use this tactic. Just be upfront. We are not having children at the wedding or reception. Please find other arrangements so I can have the honer of you by my side on my wedding day. I did not leave my first child until he was three, unless he was with his father, I understand where she is coming from, but I do not agree. She needs to get a sitter and support you. End of discussion...


It may sound harsh, but not as harsh as the kid crying during your ceremony and daddy having to walk out in the middle of it to hush the child. That would be uncomfortable for her and everyone else.


 


At my wedding my daughter was 4 and her best friend was 2 and they were flower girls, they walked around dropping petals and picking up petals through most of the ceremony, I loved it, then my older sister, one of my bridesmaids, stepped away from me and removed them and returned. It was making her very uncomfortable, I guess...


 


I just wanted to tell her to bug off, then I refocused on my ceremony and let it go. Kids can definitely bother guests. I am glad mine were there, but I really know they shouldn't be in most situations!!


 


I have a little photo 65905-1


My Beautiful daughters, flower girls for one of my April weddings I officiated...

Posted on August 6, 2008 at 11:16 am
MissQnomore
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aww heather your daughters ARE beautiful!!


um what is irritating me about this chick is it's all about HER.  HER baby, what SHE needs, what HER babydaddy feels, what makes HER feel uncomfortable.  sheesh. it is you and fi's day, and she should get that.  if she makes you feel guilty that is her own issue, not yours.  you are being completely reasonable in my opinion (given that it's an adults only event aannnnddd she's left the child with a sitter before).  just be firm, she senses you're waffling so she's trying to get HER way.


even our closest friends sometimes don't get it, so we need to explain it to them.

Posted on August 6, 2008 at 11:47 am
jharks
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Maybe this is a job for your MOH? She should call this chick and tell her that she cannot bring her little monster (not saying the kid really is a monster, I am just assuming for the purpose of this post that this BM's kid is a pain in the ass). Maybe she (or one of the other BM with kids) can call and totally innocently be like "oh so who are you having babysit during the wedding? We should have our kids go with the same person blah blah blah (insert mom-ish convo about babysitters here)"

Posted on August 6, 2008 at 11:55 am
ceejaydee7
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haha sorry i was just reading some of the posts on the first page. i just LOVED how everyone realized the baby was a year n a half lol


mines 14 months.. runs around like CRAZY.. touches EVERYTHING.. IS a sweetheart BUT i wouldnt want to bring her to a wedding where i was a bridesmaid. how the hell would i be able to do my duties lol


ask her kindly to leave the baby with a sitter and that you just want her to enjoy herself blah blah. and kinda slide in the fact that i would be unfair because there will be no other children there. she should understand if shes your friend.


my cousin threw a bitchfit about bringing her kids to our wedding.. (her kids are little MONSTERS by the way) i straight up told her no.. but in a nice way. she still went off and talked shit but i didnt care lol


 


ps- sunset- your daughters are so cute!

Posted on August 6, 2008 at 12:09 pm
SunsetHawaiiWeddings
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Thanks girls..

Posted on August 6, 2008 at 12:15 pm
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