annoying "guests"

Ladies,



How annoying are people who automatically ASSUME or feel entitled to an invite to your wedding?!  I can't be the ONLY bride going thru this, right?


I'm not close to anyone on my Dad's side of the family - I can probably count the times I've met or spent time with them on one hand in all my 28 years.  I have 1 long lost "aunt" who has expressed her disappointment in me for not calling her personally to announce my engagement and how sad she is she found out thru someone else...another "aunt" who recently passed on a message to let me know she EXPECTS an invitation to my wedding...and last but not least, my ex step dad's new gf who totally put me on the spot about how much she wishes she can be at my wedding.  AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!


Just had to vent to ladies who get it and might be in the same boat because OMG does it annoy the heck out of me!!!!!!!!!

Posted on November 8, 2010 at 4:33 am
cmariem3292
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07/09/2011
cmariem3292

cmariem3292

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(14) Comments

futuremrsbriede
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04/16/2011
futuremrsbriede

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I have a few people who are doing the same thing, luckily they aren't family though. Whenever someone asks or comments on how they want to come to the wedding I just answer, we are still working on the guest list and havnt finalized it. I then usually say, "we had a set number in our heads in the beginning but we're now getting finalized numbers on costs of things and this wedding is going to cost me a fortune!" I usually jsut say that so people understand if they aren't invited it's for financial reasons rather than personal. So sorry to hear that family is giving you a hard time. Look at it this way, if you don't see them that often then who cares how they feel, lol. I know, I know, easier said than done. Good luck though, I hope things work out.

Posted on November 8, 2010 at 5:19 am
cmariem3292
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07/09/2011
cmariem3292

cmariem3292

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Thank you for the encouraging words, you've got a good response ready!  You're totally right though, I don't see them to care...it still shocks me how people can be so rude on a day that is SO not about them!  Best of luck to you too, happy planning :)

Posted on November 8, 2010 at 6:00 am
mrslyannamoore
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02/12/2011
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mrslyannamoore

Yeah I have people that ask me "Oh when's the big day?" and I tell them and I know they're expecting an invitation but they aren't on my list...

Posted on November 12, 2010 at 2:11 am
SeptemberFall
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09/02/2011
SeptemberFall

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SeptemberFall

Put them in an awkward spot!  A girl I went to high school with was excited that I was engaged and said here's my address.  Be sure to send me one!  I said why?  She went quiet for a little while and said because we're friends!  Not that close...nor were we ever.  A co-worker who found out about the engagement wondered if anyone here at work would get an invite I said some will but we will see how the guest list turns out after my family is done between the 48 cousins and the 26 aunts and uncles plus my fiance's small family we may or may not have enough room.  They never asked about it again.

Posted on November 12, 2010 at 2:58 am
cmariem3292
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07/09/2011
cmariem3292

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LOL @SeptemberFall - I like ur style!  I need to man up and put them in the awkward spot like u said...LOL thanks!

Posted on November 12, 2010 at 5:30 am
michaelalinton
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12/17/2011
michaelalinton

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Thankfully I haven't had family do that but all of fi's exs asked for invites! hehe thankfully we made a deal, if they ask they don't get...

Posted on November 15, 2010 at 2:53 am
SoonToBe.Mrs.G
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05/06/2011
SoonToBe.Mrs.G

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SoonToBe.Mrs.G

Yes. I've had a few past co-workers and distant cousins that I see on Facebook and that's about it, say that they can't wait to dance at my wedding. I've even had some people call me out on FB like "oh i didn't get my invite yet, :(" and i"m like "are you serious? i haven't seen you in like 2 years and the last time I saw you, you wanted to take me home to sleep with you for a birthday lay and I turned you down in front of your friends because i have more class than that" Yeah...seriously!


Um...how rude to invite yourself for one, and two why would you think that you would come when we barely speak or just because we worked together (past tense mind you).


I have even had some close friends want to invite their on-again/off-again lover because they don't want to travel here alone. As I had told our guests already, we are inviting CLOSE family members and very CLOSE friends only.


But my FI has been having Ex's contact him out of the blue because the word got around he has a house and now everyone is coming out of the woodworks to try and get with him! good lord! lol


I know how you feel though...it is assumed because I know you that YOU must invite them or that they will get a surprise invitation if you don't tell them. And if you don't invite them, they don't want to give a gift or even wish you congratulations. Sad

Posted on November 30, 2010 at 8:18 am
altonece
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07/30/2011
altonece

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altonece

My response when people talk about the wedding and make statements like I will wait for my invitation, or I will see you at the wedding...I say "I am rooting for you! I really am." Then I go on to explain that I have about 120 with my family alone, I have not even included friends...oh and that's right my fiancee gets guests too. Then I end with we'll see...but know this...I am truly rooting for you.


That adds enough truth and humor to put it out there that as much as I would like you to go (I'm rooting for you) there is a very strong possibility that you won't be invited (too much family).


Good luck ladies...here's to courage. :)

Posted on January 6, 2011 at 3:22 pm
tsoulsby
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09/10/2011
tsoulsby

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tsoulsby

I'll throw in here - I'mdealing with this situation this week. Top of our list was to have a an intimate wedding of 60 - 20 friends, 20 of his family, and 20 of my family. My aunt who "considers [me] her daughter, too" is trying to throw money at me now (after we've booked the venue and started with planning) so that I can invite another 35 of her cousins and aunts - also people I haven't seen in years!


Ugh! Thanks. I feel much better now to see how other people are handling in humorous ways and to be in the same boat.

Posted on February 27, 2011 at 11:12 am
pennypretty
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07/03/2011
pennypretty

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pennypretty

I thought I wouldn't have a story for this post but I totally do now.


FI's cousin is being a nightmare. Allow me to set the scene...we didn't offer dates to most of our friends. The only people allowed to bring dates other than the bridal party are those who are married, engaged, or have been together (and are moving towards an engagement) for 4+ years. I WILL NOT be forced to pay for someone's boyfriend of 3 months, or for a significant other we have never met, I don't care how close I am to you.


Since I DIY'd the invitations I made each RSVP specific to each person. Your name was on the RSVP and only the bridal party had a line that said (indicate guest's name here) with an extra box to check off what they'd be eating. FI's cousin go so excited thinking that she'd be able to bring a date, but there was nothing on the card for her to write a name so she got incredibly confused. Her date wound up being on the B-list anyway, so he'll be there because he's friends with FI, but not because I wanted to make it more convenient for her.


FI's cousin THEN took it upon herself to get more of her friends invited. She set up her friends with the GMs who didn't have dates. So now we have two of her friends floating around the guest list and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it. I can't rescind the invitation because the GM deserve a date. I just wish the nerdy GMs had taken this as an opportunity to invite someone they actually like and want to date instead of someone they've never met that FI's cousin set them up with.


Even more frustrating is the fact that my FMIL gave me a very tight budget for the rehearsal dinner. I'm at the point where I kind of just want to say, okay, you two bitches aren't invited to the rehearsal dinner because FI's cousin won't be there and you don't really know ANYONE and you're not involved in the ceremony.


Than this weekend at my bachelorette party I was talking to FI's sister and she said cousin dearest is now trying to toss all of her friends off on her. And SIL is like no, I WILL NOT room with YOUR friends at my BROTHER'S wedding. Ugghh, I just want to throttle her. I know she's socially inept because she was home schooled and never learned how to properly function in these types of situations, but really, REALLY?!?!


Wow, I feel much better getting all that out...

Posted on May 17, 2011 at 3:58 am
verdette
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07/16/2011
verdette

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verdette

OMG!!  I can definitely vent on this issue...  We are paying for our own wedding, with the exception that the FI's dad and step-mom will be paying for catering.  Our wedding is going to be in Oregon and we live in Nor-Cal (about a 6 hour drive).  His parents and grandparents live in Oregon and it is cheaper on our budget and we can still have a beautiful wedding.  This means, our guest list is small.  I wanted a more intimate, less formal wedding with close friends and family since technically we are already married but our finally have a ceremony/reception.  I wasn't planning on inviting distant family relatives from down south (with an emphasis on DISTANT, literally and figuratively) because it is just a small wedding and we don't have the budget for it.  I should have known that word would get around and eventually SOMEbody would say "How come we're not invited?! (in an irritated/whiney voice)"  So... I was forced to put in extra effort and pay for postage just for an RSVP to come back with a REGRET because I already knew they were not going to want to make the trip up to Oregon from LA!!  HELLOOOO!!  Why should I have had to send the invitation knowing they were not going to be coming?????  My parents really irritated me with this one but just to shut them up, I did it.

Posted on May 17, 2011 at 8:53 am
melaniemae89
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08/05/2011
melaniemae89

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Same boat over here. Well sorta... my parents are oh so kindly footing the bill so when the guest list grew from 100 to 150 due to their requests for people to be added I happily obliged. They know how much the cost is per guest, and I'm planning the whole thing with my mom so she knows exactly the bills they're racking up.


Well my FI was never very close to his family but when we met 5 1/2 years ago I thought it was really important for him to reconnect with his family. Which just consists of his mother's side of the family since his father passed when he was much younger. Over the years we've all gotten a lot closer and we make a regular habit of attending family functions and including them in ours.


Everything was fine in paradise until his grandmother decided to add her two cents on the situation. His cousin was married a few months ago and I guess the great aunts and uncles and their children weren't invited to that event and they felt very upset about the whole situiation. So now she thinks it's only right we invite them to our wedding... Mind you my FI has never even met these people and didn't even know they existed till this it was mentioned to us.


Now his sister is getting married a month before us and they ended up inviting them. BUT her wedding is around 7 bucks per person when mine's closer to 40 a person. So I feel even more put on the spot now!


Am I a horrible person for not inviting them? It's around 10 + people that never have made an effort to get to know us or our daughter till now, and it's my parents paying for it. I'm not putting that EXTRA burden on my parents... so hopefully they won't think I'm some evil witch of a woman....

Posted on May 22, 2011 at 8:51 am
verdette
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07/16/2011
verdette

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verdette

melanie: you are NOT some evil witch of a woman!!  The simple fact of the matter is, weddings cost!  It's not that you don't want to invite them or don't want them to be there.  If weddings were free, we'd invite whoever we wanted, right?  You may choose to let his grandmother know that you and your FI are not the ones paying for the wedding but you want to be careful not to put the blame on your parents (so that it doesn't look like your parents don't want them to be there).  You could also emphasize that you are trying to keep the list at a minimum by inviting CLOSE family and friends only (meaning people that you actually know and they know you).  I've even heard of people only inviting those friends and family that they have actually talked to within a specific amount of years (like 3 years or something like that).  Someone may be upset for a little while or so, but money these days is just not easy to come by.

Posted on May 22, 2011 at 10:47 am
nubianqueen
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09/18/2011
nubianqueen

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nubianqueen

I have had the same issue but with most people I have said no to. Weddings are expensive and I don't have time to go broke for someone I have no relationship with.
Posted on May 28, 2011 at 9:16 pm

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