Anyone have any bridemaids that are not...

HELPING! I do not want to be a bridezilla so I most likely wont say anything. But I have been planning my wedding since January, only one of my bridesmaids has helped me with. The others pretty much dont ask about it and when they do they say, "so how is the planning going." I want to say well its going great but thanks for all your help and support!!!! But I dont, I dont want to hurt anyone's feelings but at the same time I would like a little help. I did nicely say something a couple weeks ago about coming over to my house and talking about wedding stuff...and well no one even acknowledged ..lol.


I thought bridesmaids are supposed to be here to help and support you with certain aspects of your wedding..idk..anyone else have anything like this going on.. If so how did  you handle it?

Posted on October 16, 2011 at 1:07 pm
meckley2012
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mrsharris2012
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mrsharris2012

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Girl let me tell you Bridezillas!....I am now convinced that these are made not born!


MY BMs have made me this way!


I am an organized person! I think I have been very good about choosing dresses wisely that take into consideration their tastes, budget and wearability! I send monthly newsletters as well as email updates to let them know what is going on and yet only 2 out of 7 of my BMs responds or participates! I will be making sure thats noted in my speech too! Im beginning to hate the 5 slackers!


I feel horrible that I feel this way but I honestly wish I had chosen 2 and left it at that!


Fustrated organized bride,


BRIDEZILLA


 


But im sure this rant didnt help...im looking for suggestions too!

Posted on October 16, 2011 at 1:09 pm
TimilyL
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TimilyL

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This is an extremely common problem in wedding planning.  Hopefully, they will step up.  Sometimes people don't put so much work into, possibly because they have NO IDEA how long it takes to truly plan a wedding.


But then in the last like 3 days, they'll be amazing.  :)

Posted on October 16, 2011 at 1:16 pm
BKPINKBRIDE10
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I ask this question before because I didnt want help. And i was told bm are suppose to help the day of, or if u ask them. So ask them for help

Posted on October 16, 2011 at 1:18 pm
SoontobeMrsB
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I really think bridesmaids shouldn't be expected to help with lots of stuff for the wedding. They're already investing a bunch of money and time. I'm thankful for any help my bridesmaids offer, but I'm not expecting them to do anything except wear the dress and show up to the rehearsal and wedding.

Posted on October 16, 2011 at 1:18 pm
LoveAmbassador
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What is it that you are looking for them to do? Sometimes people don't take hints and if you want them to help you with a particular task then ask them to do so specifically. I don't think anyone should be expected to be a mind reader. So if you want their help tying bows, sealing envelopes what have you then ask them to do that. If they don't help or are unable to help then maybe you will feel disappointed, but right now it sounds like you are dropping hints and they are not biting.

Posted on October 16, 2011 at 1:21 pm
meckley2012
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It is funny because two of them are married I was MOH in both weddings and the third is getting married in a month.. sooo you would think that they would know lol...

Posted on October 16, 2011 at 1:21 pm
dunky31
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Mine didn't really help, but then again I didn't ask them to and I didn't really want tthem to. 

Posted on October 16, 2011 at 1:22 pm
missjess485
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The majority of my BM's are on my list right now. FOUR of them have yet to order dresses and I told them they had to be ordered by Oct. 15th. Brilliant. They constantly offer to help...until I need them. SO. I told them all to clear Nov.5th to help me do my boxed wedding invites. 2 of them said this was ok..the two that purchased their dresses. SO ready to fire four of them.

Posted on October 16, 2011 at 1:22 pm
meckley2012
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meckley2012

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I agree with the fact that they shouldnt be expected to do anything but example... picking out dresses.. we planned a month in advanced.. a week before I had people cancelling. After they said that they were going. So as of now no bridesmaids dresses.. its just stupid things like that that are irritating me.

Posted on October 16, 2011 at 1:25 pm
meckley2012
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Maybe I wont worry about it, I guess its not a big deal, its not like I cant do the little things myself.. Thanks everyone.

Posted on October 16, 2011 at 1:27 pm
futurefunk
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I have amazing support.


My Mother is amazing. She tries to keep track of what I'm doing and what I need. She's gone to all the bridal shows with me in Dallas (when in Dallas it turns to a whole weekend thing since we live 2 hours away) and Wichita Falls. She has been with me venue searching and dress shopping. She's collected all sorts of stuff that i don't even know what all she has. She's been excited for me with every step I've taken.


My MOH has probably done as much calling and contacting for my wedding as I have. She has a spiral full of notes and list. She also has been to all the bridal shows with me. She did the dress shopping with me and most of the venues. In fact, she called most of the venues to set up walk throughs. She helped me make a guest list and helped me purge names off of it. She tries so hard to keep me on track. She has been my sanity so far.


Now my two Bridesmaids are a bit different. One has went to bridal shows with me and has been somewhat interested in the planning, but honestly it made it more of a headache having her there. She complains about everything and makes mountains out of mohills. We only took her to two bridal shows. The first was a Dallas weekend and she got tired and cranky and talked about how horrible her wedding was the whole time which made me mad because my mother worked so hard on that wedding in the 3 months they had to plan it and she just doesn't seem thankful at all.


The other Bridesmaid is my brother's wife. She kindof acts like yours. She asks how the planning is going and really likes the updates, but she doesn't really help or anything.


I also have one guest that isn't a bridesmaid because we really haven't been friends that long. She is my MOH's sister-in-law. She wants to help with the wedding and has been asking how the planning is going. She really wqants to help with flowers and decoration, and I am sure I will use her for it. I appreciate her help and I will definitely be getting her an attendent gift as well as my BM's.


I am such an unconfrontational person so I totally understand not saying anything to your BM's. Just keep them informed on what they need to know and keep them on track with their parts. See if you have others that want to help and use them for what you can. Try to enjoty your planning despite their lack of attention. If you need halp or want to vent, feel free to message me. Sometimes venting is all you need.

Posted on October 16, 2011 at 1:32 pm
SoontobeMrsB
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If they're blowing off plans to pick the dresses, to me that says they don't necessarily care what they wear. I know it's disappointing, but I would just pick the dress yourself and then tell them what dress to buy. If they complain then, you can say they had a chance to have input and they decided not to. Idk maybe that's just me though lol

Posted on October 16, 2011 at 1:40 pm
ellewinfrey
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ellewinfrey

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 I was a bridesmaid in my friends wedding and i have to say she pretty much only wanted her MOH to help I tried to help but she didnt want it she just wanted me to stand there and buy my dress. I was a little annoyed with her by the end of it i knew she just wanted it perfect but OMG all i heard was her gripeing that DH wasnt helping blah blah 

Posted on October 16, 2011 at 1:42 pm
mrsharris2012
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Meckley im with you! I dont expect them to do everything either of course but I do expect them to support me through my stress and offer their assistance. Anything to do with them I fully expect them to participate in though! Such as dresses..I let them my girls pick their own dresses within guidlines and they couldnt do that! I wound up picking their dresses which is fine though. I asked them to tell me what they thought of my choices in dresses....no response! I asked them to tell me what they thought of the shoes! No response....so yes simple things bridesmaids are supposed to do we shouldnt have to beg! Yes they are spending money to be in our weddings but if you dont want to do it , say no! I have turned down numerous weddings just because I couldnt devote the time or money to it and didnt want to hinder the bride!

Posted on October 16, 2011 at 2:15 pm
Shawna_Marcus
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UGH, I'm going through the same thing. I dont want/expect them to do anything except listen and maybe PRETEND to be interested in the wedding and show up to get their dresses.


I'm at the point now where I told them if they dont show up at the dress appointment then Ill forward them the dress information that I pick and then if they dont order it in time they just wont be in the wedding.


I know this REALLY sucks. I dont have anyone... my BMs arent interested and neither is my mom or FMIL. I'm glad I have you ladies to talk wedding talk!


It will all work out.. just DONT let yourself get stressed out over it! (I know easier said then done) Hope everything works out for you!

Posted on October 16, 2011 at 2:16 pm
TimilyL
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I don't think it's something that you should just have to suck up and say, "woe is me, I guess I'll do everything."  If your BMs know you and know what kind of wedding you want to have, they sort of should know what they're getting into before they accept. 


Going into my friend's wedding two years ago (three years ago she asked me), I knew it would feel like a part-time job.  It was a lot of work, a lot of trips several hours out of the way, etc.  So much going on. 


I'm not saying be a slave-driver, but if they're aware of whatever, well then they should respond.  There are some very bad cases where someone wants to take that AW mantle of the wedding and say, "oh, look at me, I'm a bridesmaid/maid of honor" and take lots of pretty photos in a BM dress for their facebook profile pics.  But there's stuff that comes with it, and that means at least giving input on their attire and getting it in a timely manner so as to not stress the bride out.  And it at very, very least means providing emotional support.


I think that the only thing you really can do to make the situation any better yourself is just to make your expectations clear.  You may think you're doing that, but I know for me, sometimes I say things or I know them very clearly in my head, or post about them 100 times here, and I don't even say them to FI. 


One of my BMs is getting married in April, and we had a talk Tuesday night where she very hesitantly and sadly told me she couldn't have me as a bridesmaid because her mother & aunt very strong expected her to have her cousins in the party, and that was just the way it worked out.


And I told her, "Look, I don't need a title to be there for you.  If you need help I know exactly what you're going through [she and I also have the same job and it's super stressful, like all the time], it's all good."  That's the attitude a BM or whoever is your friend should have when you're going through this mess of planning a wedding. 


I've been lucky.  I've had a couple of long vents to FI, but mostly my BMs have been very supportive.  Another thing I did was make a private FB group for all of our bridal party, which helps a LOT to keep things organized and open lines of communication.


Hopefully it will all turn out.  :)  Good luck!

Posted on October 16, 2011 at 2:26 pm
Diymomofbride
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they didnt do anything except get their dresses and shoes. They didnt help with planning the shower, the moh did plan the bacholorette party.

Posted on October 16, 2011 at 2:42 pm
doolittlebride
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doolittlebride

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My bridesmaids didn't help me with anything. The bottom line, your wedding is only really important to you. When it comes to weddings, this is what I see and read here over and over and my bridesmaids were no different!

Posted on October 16, 2011 at 2:48 pm
cuteboy2me
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@doolittlebride - very well said!  I think it is probably single best piece of advice.  If you're lucky enough to be blessed with BM or MOH's that are interested and help, ya you!  If not, I think it is up to the individual bride to make peace in her own mind what she can and can not accept in regards to how little or helpful her wedding party is in getting the day of bride's vision planned.


I don't really talk to anyone other than my bff about the wedding, not even FI.  I just get a blank look from him. He doesn't know I found the 2nd dress that I want his daughters to wear, and now, maybe the entire wedding party.  He doesn't have a clue about the decoration scheme or any of the crafts I'm doing or the fact that I'm struggling with doing my own paper products and signage. He just doesn't care, so I understand exactly how most feel in regards to their BM/MOH's lack of interest and motivation to help.


It sucks to feel that you're the only one driven enough to do things or care, but really most times it's the bride's day, so it sort of makes sense.

Posted on October 16, 2011 at 3:02 pm
buttascotch
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OMG!!! im so there right now!! ive never asked for anything from my bridesmaids but to at least order their dresses on time and only one of them has even attempted to go to the store to try on the dress. I even went as far as making a group on FB so every one can be on the same page as i know they are all constantly on fb but no one responds to any of my posts! Im so stressed right now with everything else that the last thing i should be stressing about are my BM's and their dresses. Its MY day not theirs. I mean if they are unable to be in the wedding i would totally understand but dont ignore me!


Infact i'm so pissed right now i have decided to give them one more week to get their acts together after which i will be scratching the idea of BM & MOH, at least that will save me some money!

Posted on October 16, 2011 at 3:19 pm
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