Anyone planning a Vietnamese/American wedding???

HELP!! My fiance is Vietnamese and I am going crazy trying to please his family in the food department. I am stuck trying to please myself and the future family. They feel it is an insult and embarrassing to the family to have any less than an 8 course meal. Future SIL says, "they decide how much your gift is after they eat your food". It's not that I care about getting a large money gift or ANYTHING, but I also don't want to be offended after thinking they thought my food was crappy. The really hard part is I can't even find a caterer in MN that will do this type of meal for me. Any suggestions or help would be adored! 

Posted on October 15, 2009 at 8:15 am
IceBlueBride
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06/04/2011
IceBlueBride

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(12) Comments

mscin
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05/22/2010
mscin

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mscin

i am.  but sorry i am no help since i am in cali.  but i totally know what  you are dealing with...but i'm getting that pressure from my parents.

Posted on October 15, 2009 at 8:25 am
IceBlueBride
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IceBlueBride

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Are Vietnamese guests that particular?????

Posted on October 15, 2009 at 8:29 am
MissYou
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10/03/2009
MissYou

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MissYou

We figured the families will expect the same thing so we just had a Chinese banquet at a Chinese Restaurant.  The place wasn't gorgeous or anything, just had potential.  It looked way better with table setting, flowers, etc.  Do you guys have a nice Chinese restaurant in your area?

Posted on October 15, 2009 at 8:37 am
meocat
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08/01/2009
meocat

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meocat

aw. poor you!!  I had no idea that they wait to decide on how much to give til after they've eaten! that's kind of messed up :P


I'm Vietnamese and married a Vietnamese guy.  Our parents gave us a TON of grief (more so his than mine) about not doing it at a Chinese restaurant and doing the big banquet thing.  We really wanted it to be different but still incorporate all the dishes so we came up with serving 2 hors d'ouerves during cocktail hour, 3 appetizers plus papaya salad for dinner then an entree (they were able to choose 1 of 3 prior to the reception).  We had asian fusion food inspired with the Vietnamese and Chinese cultures.  In the end, everyone LOVED the food and thought it was so fun and different (and healthier).. even the hardcore Vietnamese friends of his parents. Our venue didn't allow outside catering, but the chef loved making other types of food so he was really excited to help us with the menu I came up with. (pictures in bio!)


I had to deal with the stress from his parents up til a week before our wedding.  They finally gave up on asking us if we were going to change our venue and apologized for causing us so much stress.  They had gone so far as calling up MY parents and complaining to them who then called ME and gave me crap.


Have you already chosen your venue?  People will tell you it's just a day and in the end, it won't matter so maybe you should appease the future family to avoid this unnecessary stress.  I think if you are able to come up with a happy medium, then go for it.  Have you asked any of the larger chinese restaurants if they will cater?

Posted on October 15, 2009 at 9:20 am
LynLyn1127
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04/17/2010
LynLyn1127

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LynLyn1127

Hmm were you looking more toward having a western style wedding with a sit down, 3 course meal or did you want the 8 course meal but wanted to make sure that the food was good?


My brother and SIL had the rehearsal dinner the traditional 8 course meal for our immediate family and really close friends at a Chinese restaurant and then had a western styled wedding the next day.  That can be a compromise :)


If the trouble is trying to find the food itself then ask if a Chinese restaurant or Vietnamese restaurant in the area would be willing to cater the food at a different location but if you are thinking cost efficiency I think its just easier to have the whole thing at a Chinese restaurant.  Thats what FI and I ended up doing.


Good luck!

Posted on October 15, 2009 at 9:23 am
meocat
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08/01/2009
meocat

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oh yes! I like that compromise too. doing the 8 course for rehearsal dinner! although our parents did say that their friends will give a lot of money so they'll want to make sure they're getting their money's worth.  With all the alcohol we provided as well, it was a hit. HAHa. Vietnamese men like their Heineken! (but we provided Widmer Heffeweisen, sorry for misspell, and Dos Equis)

Posted on October 15, 2009 at 9:30 am
VDGianella
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07/17/2010
VDGianella

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Oh man!  We are having a Vietnamese/American wedding too.  Only -- I'm Vietnamese!


I refuse refuse REFUSE to have it at a Chinese restaurant so we found a compromise.  We are definitely having a Chinese banquet but at a venue of my choice.  It was a little daunting since a lot of venues do not allow BYO caterer, but we found one and will be adding other elements to make it more Western.


FYI, my fiance is Italian and so I have to find a way to incorporate his traditional Sicilian side!


Good luck and I can't say much about the stress as I need help in that area too.

Posted on October 15, 2009 at 9:32 am
meocat
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meocat

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meocat

good luck ladies! Just make sure your FI has your back too!! :) it helps a lot!  Stay strong :)

Posted on October 15, 2009 at 9:45 am
mscin
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05/22/2010
mscin

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mscin

yeah...we basically gave in to my parents because we wanted to avoid all the stress and drama from my parents (more like my mom).  but we were able to find a banquet facility that was nice (and new!) and looked nothing like a chinese restaurant.  actually, the banquet facility is still being built/remodeled.  so i have no idea how its going to turn out.  just hoping its going to look better than the first location they have (or at least like the first location).  i just have the piece of mind that its not a chinese restaurant. haha


you're going to learn that there are going to be a lot of "traditions".  they throw in the word "tradition" to get  you to do stuff they want. 

Posted on October 15, 2009 at 9:51 am
lolikewhoa
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10/24/2009
lolikewhoa

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lolikewhoa

*raise hand* right over here sister.


i was so gung ho about not having a traditional banquet reception, but after all the back and forth with out parents, i decided to pick and choose my battles and let them have it. we picked the nicest restaurant and are going all out on decorating.


in our parents eyes, this is the accumulation of all their years of raising us and finally showing us off to the community that "hey, look at our children, they've grown up and are now starting their own family". i figured my parents didn't get to have a big wedding themselves due to the war, so this is something i can do to respect them.


regarding the food, i think all asian just love to get together and FEAST. so anything less would be like, wth? they don't understand that sometimes even just a plated filet mignon can cost more than that banquet dinner.

Posted on October 15, 2009 at 10:06 am
TheBlueBride
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06/28/2009
TheBlueBride

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My husband is Vietnamese.  We had a very traditional western wedding but we had the big banquet and tea ceremony the night before at our rehearsal dinner.  Everyone seemed happy. 

Posted on October 15, 2009 at 2:26 pm
mtlnguyen
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10/31/2012
mtlnguyen

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Hi all,


I too am struggling with my crazy parents about having the "perfect" Vietnamese wedding. What have you guys done for music? I've been trying to look this up for weeks and have not come up with anything decent. We want to have both American and Vietnamese music, but there appears to only be one bilingual Vietnamese wedding band in the Washington D.C. area - and they are not that great. Have you guys done a DJ that plays both types of music, or maybe hiring a Vietnamese DJ and an American band? Are there any Vietnamese DJs in the Washington DC area? Any ideas? Please help!!

Posted on October 11, 2012 at 5:41 am

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