Betrayed... *vent*

So I've had an interesting weekend.  A little backstory before I go into it:  FI and I have the same group of friends that we established in high school.  We all still hang out/talk etc.  So on Friday I found out from my sister that my friend (let's call her Sally) had been telling some of our other mutual friends that FI's guy friend told her the following: "Three years ago the guys had all slept with this one girl and my FI's 'no angel' and slept with her too. And Sandra has no idea, can you believe it?" [FI and I have been together for 10 yrs]


I felt as though I'd been punched in the stomach.  Stupid me, I immediately believe bad news whenever I hear it.  But THANK GOD it was my sister talking to me b/c she's like:  Sandra, it's not true, you can't believe it.  So she totally calmed me down.  So I'm like, you're right, this can't be true, FI is not that heartless to do it, and then to hide it for three years.


Anyway, 'Sally' has been my friend since high school.  In fact, some of you may recognize her from previous posts where I said I was going to let this friendship go  b/c we had started to grow apart.  Also, funnily enough, she's taking it pretty badly that she's not a BM.  Needless to say, she keeps proving my decision right on this one.  I've been hearing that she's talking sh!t about me behind my back, (like grilling my BMs, complaining that I didn't pick her, calling me superficial, etc) but I just chalked it up to hurt feelings.


This is a whole other ball game.  She is trying to deliberately cause chaos in mine and FI's relationship and to make FI and I look bad.  FI was furious when I told him, completely confirmed that of course it's not true, and started this witch hunt for who knew what.  Turns out she had told a couple of hers and my mutual friends and that's how it got to me.  She had told these girls in confidence (one of them is my BM) and told them not to say anything, but they had my back and thought I should know the rumor since I'm marrying this guy. I've talked to them personally and they say that Sally told them this lie straight out.


So I talk to Sally, I tell her all the information I have and she proceeds to DENY EVERYTHING and make me feel like a lousy friend for even questioning her.  She says she's hurt that I would doubt her word and then goes on to say that if she did hear anything like that, that she would tell me and that it's ridiculous to even think my FI would cheat cuz he's not that guy.  I end up totally confused as to what to believe. 


Then this morning our mutual friend (my BM) calls and tells me that Sally texted one of the girls "Stop spreading lies about me" and the other "I told you to keep your mouth shut." 


WTF?????  Ladies I have been feeling sick all weekend with this.  How could anyone be so malicious??  And she continues to deny it and harrasses my BM with emails saying she may have cost Sally and my 13-year friendship.


ARRGHHH

Posted on August 18, 2008 at 12:40 pm
MissQnomore
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MissQnomore

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(18) Comments

Sarahinwonderland
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10/17/2009
Sarahinwonderland

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Ug this is disgusting! I cannot believe people ar actually like this. She is a biotch... People like her are the reason that I make guy friends a lot more. I am sorry this is happening but if she is like that you dont want your 13 year friendship anymore.

Posted on August 18, 2008 at 12:46 pm
SandP09
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03/14/2009
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OMG, Sandra I'm so sorry. I think you know what to do. As hard and sad as it might be, you have seen your relationship with her fall apart and this was just the icing on the cake. She obviously can't be happy for you and therefore feels the need to spread these malicioius lies to cause drama between you and FI. I think in your heart you know that the truth is and you truly don't need people like that in your life. Turn that page and walk away. She doesn't deserve your friendship. Good luck babe!

Posted on August 18, 2008 at 12:55 pm
MissQnomore
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I know I'm better off.  I just can't get over how convincingly she tells me that it didn't happen, and that she's never heard of a story like it.  And it's not like the people who are telling me it's true are strangers, it's my BM!!

Posted on August 18, 2008 at 12:56 pm
MissQnomore
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Thanks P, I think my next step is to grieve.  Your words of listening to my heart really spoke to me.  It's just SO dissapointing that she can't be happy for me, especially as she happily celebrates our other friends who are getting married. = (

Posted on August 18, 2008 at 12:58 pm
SandP09
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I know, it's extremely disappointing. Especially since you were such a good friend to her and got this in return. Hang in there sweetie, everything will work itself out at the end. I'm here for you if you need to vent or someone to just listen. I recently went through the same thing with a friend and her and I no longer speak. It was extremely hard for me in the beginning and I dwelled on the past and all the times we shared together. It's literally like breaking up with a boyfriend. But you grow and you learn to understand that everything happens for a reason and that this person was never meant to stay in your life for a long time. You're so much better than that and you should be surrounded by people who truly care and love you. (((HUGS)))

Posted on August 18, 2008 at 1:02 pm
WMforever
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06/14/2009
WMforever

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I'm so sorry S! This is gut wrenching. Like the girls said, she doesn't deserve your friendship. This is defintely the deal breaker. She's not a good friend anymore and she has drifted and has actually gone off the deep end. Cut her out and move on with your chin up!

Posted on August 18, 2008 at 1:05 pm
hulaprncs18
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08/08/2009
hulaprncs18

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sandra.. im sorry to hear... like what paola said, you know what to do... and she is definitely not someone you could call a friend if she's spreading rumors.  she's not happy for the both of you, therefore doing childish things.  ignore her, she's someone you shouldn't waste your breath and time on.  girl, you got a wedding to plan for!! she's not worth it!!! smile sweetie =)

Posted on August 18, 2008 at 1:06 pm
MissQnomore
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thanks ladies.  as i sit here crying i realize that your words are exactly what i need to hear....and exactly what i needed to begin this emotional release...


**HUGS**  what would i do without you??

Posted on August 18, 2008 at 1:11 pm
SandP09
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Group HUG!! ((((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))))))))) hehe

Posted on August 18, 2008 at 1:14 pm
WMforever
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WMforever

awww huggies!!!

Posted on August 18, 2008 at 1:24 pm
d1rtymart1n1
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12/04/2009
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sandra--->  my first reaction was to tell you that i was so sorry to hear about sally doing this - but on 2nd thought - i'm not...


i dont feel sorry b/c you are a wonderful person, you and your fh have been blessed with the strength and maturity to hold on to "first love" - something not a lot of hs sweethearts have done with success - and sally is a jealous, vindictive person who should not have the honor or pleasure of your friendship, your thoughts and your caring ways.  you and your fh have weathered life during it's most tumultuous - "the college years" or "the early 20s". 


you 2 found love when it was innocent and pure and built a foundation on that - and the foundation has withstood the growing pains of early adulthood - and you are stronger for it.


you - as an individual - are a strong woman and attract people with equal "fuerte" and she knows deep inside that she is not good enough and does not measure up to the you of now. 


i know it's hard letting go of someone - it's heart-wrenching at first, especially since you hve such history with her - the growing years - the years of dreams and hopes for a bright future.  but life is full of change and shedding skin - and the sandra of today needs more from the people in her life that the sandra of yesteryear needed - and she cannot fulfill that - so the next best thing is for her to sabotage the relationsihp b/c deep inside she knows your needs are no longer being met - so hey - why not ruin it instead of being mature and accepting that life moves forward, always, constantly??


i know logically it's easy right?? but the emotions that come with "breaking up" with an old friend is a different thing - but just as all things in life that cause grief, time will ease the pain of a friendship that has run its course.


stay strong and i'm hugging you right now!


 

Posted on August 18, 2008 at 1:27 pm
kpn
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06/13/2009
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what a Jealous Biatch.....sorry..I know I don't know her but give me a freaking break...you are lucky you have those 'real' friends that had your back and this was nipped in the bud right now rather than anytime closer to your special day and any other days (ie holidays, valentines day, etc).... I hate to say but she sounds very envious of you (and who wouldn't but in a nice way!) and can't handle or deal with it and the only way she can is by being so viscious & malicious...sorry to hear...but you got a great group of girls on PW and you got a great group of your girls looking out for u in your bridal party..


muah :X

Posted on August 18, 2008 at 1:49 pm
MissQnomore
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thanks d1rty and kpnice.  you know how to make a girl feel special!  i guess i can't wonder any more why she's so mean & jealous/envious.  i just have to let go...


aww maria your words are poetry.. real, poignant, and heartfelt.  i feel as if you know me!


thank you again girls for your hugs, your votes of confidence, your understanding, and your happiness for me.  shows how little of a friend she is that i can get this from my pw girls...but not her. 


i've little experience in this "breaking up" thing so i'll just have to learn this life lesson and move on. to everything there is a season.

Posted on August 18, 2008 at 2:29 pm
3monkeys
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yeah that is totally bad! what a bitch... even though i would not want to belive it i am the same belive everything i hear.. stupid huh!!!! lol


i would be sick to... she is prob just upset and wishes she was you... she needs to wake up 2 her self and get a life of her own... i say let her go she is a bad seed... lol i am sorry to hear your bad news she is not a true friend.......

Posted on August 18, 2008 at 7:16 pm
sandposi
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I'm so sorry! How stressful this must be. Even if we took whether she lied or not out of the equation, she still seems petty. She seems to be a very self-focused person. If she is trying this hard to just be talked about between you and the BMs then there is something wrong with her and I pity her. I would most certainly let her go. I would either talk to her about taking time off from the friendship (I just had to do this with a selfish friend) or just let it simmer down without talking to her for a while. It is amazing how some people can react so "high schoolish" even after they are adults. I wouldn't waste much time on her at the moment because she is backstabbing and immature. Maybe you can explain everything to her later when she grows up a little. For now she seems to be a lost cause. I'm so sorry you have to go through this during such a great time! It's a good thing you have such solid girls behind you though! Good luck.

Posted on August 19, 2008 at 1:54 am
MissQnomore
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thanks ladies.  i know i just have to simmer down and not talk to her for awhile.  my BM is suprised i'm even entertaining the idea of keeping her on the invite list, but i just gotta cool down before i make such a huge decision.


i know, i know, why would i pay for someone to be with me on my special day who is not truly happy for me.... but the lazy, loser side of me just wants to take the path of least resistance, keep her on the invite lists and then never speak to her again after the wedding. i guess i'll just have to see how i feel.  it's taking one of the pieces out of the friend group so it will be super obvious.  which is good, she needs to get the message, but part of me feels that taking the work to send the message is even too much of an emotional drain. 


just need to grieve i guess...then think later

Posted on August 19, 2008 at 6:05 pm
nidia112
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05/01/2009
nidia112

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My favorite words to live by...


 


People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.  When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.


When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly.  They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually.  They may seem like a godsend, and they are.  They are there for the reason you need them to be.  Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.  Sometimes they die.  Sometimes they walk away.  Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand.  What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled;  their work is done.  The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.


When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.  They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.  They may teach you something you have never done.  They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.  Believe it!  It is real!  But, only for a season.


LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.  Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway);  and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.  It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant


Posted on August 19, 2008 at 6:11 pm
MissQnomore
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MissQnomore

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i thought of that nidia!  i remember hearing it sometime in the past, but thank you for giving me the words because i wouldn't have know where to find them.  again, you ladies are wonderful! *heart warms*

Posted on August 19, 2008 at 6:16 pm

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