BIG blowout with FI

I am ready to call my wedding off!  I have truly had it!!!!!!!!!  This is what happened.......I will try to keep it short haha.  Last night we had a huge surprise 50th birthday bash for my sister and for some reason FI hates going to anything that involves my family, but I am expected to go to everything his family has. Well, I was getting ready to go last night and explained to him that I had to get there a little earlier to take care of "finishing touches" and that he could meet me there.  He said fine and that he would be there by 7.  So I finish playing around with my hair when he announces," are you sure you want me to even go?" to which I replied, "of course, don't be silly".  The next statement that came out of his mouth was, "wow you're even more dressed up for this than you were for your own wedding shower."  I was like WTFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!????????? Apparently he felt the need to pick a fight with me to get out of going.  As it was, he was leaving at 9 because our dog sprained her lower back Friday and needed her medication. :(   Now today he won't speak to me!  Sometimes he acts so immature (like now).  If anyone has the right to be pissed, it's me dammit!!!!!  

Posted on September 7, 2008 at 12:51 pm
lipia3
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10/11/2008
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(12) Comments

rebeccalenore
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11/06/2009
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Other than his apparent immaturity and attempt to start a fight, what is his deal with your family?  I would evaluate that first and foremost...will he always pick a fight prior to attending a family event?  Why doesn't he want to be around your family?  Is that repairable or is there no hope?


I'd be livid!

Posted on September 7, 2008 at 1:17 pm
d1rtymart1n1
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12/04/2009
d1rtymart1n1

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hugs hugs hugs and margaritas with lots of tequila!!!!


i'm sure it will blow over - hang in there!!!


 


 


 

Posted on September 7, 2008 at 1:21 pm
lipia3
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I really don't know what his deal is with my family......I have a very close, loving family and they have always made him feel welcome (we've been together for 6 yrs!) This is not the first time he's done this.  He has always had somewhat of a problem socializing....I am just the opposite haha...but last night he went too damn far.

Posted on September 7, 2008 at 1:23 pm
lipia3
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Thanks D1rty......NO MARGARITAS!!!!!  I'm still hangin from last night....lol.

Posted on September 7, 2008 at 1:24 pm
d1rtymart1n1
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12/04/2009
d1rtymart1n1

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ok water and tylenol then!!


gurl, looks like we both gots issues last night and today... i just posted Honeymoon - Fear of flying... i'm in a pickle as well!


GGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH... i swear i could choke the sh!t out of him sometimes


 

Posted on September 7, 2008 at 1:28 pm
rebeccalenore
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Wow-6 years and still not comfortable.  Sounds like it may be something personal within him w/ socializing versus being really about your family.  I hope so, cause that would be awful.  Have you tried point blank telling him that it bothers you he doesn't make more of an attempt to be social with and get close with your family? 


It will take effort for him to overcome his discomfort, but I'm sure he'd be willing if he knew it bothered you.  I'm usually not a social person myself, but when it comes to family & my fiance's family I stop everything to go.  We're very family oriented.  So I can understand to an extent how he may feel...surely he wouldn't do that knowing it upset you! 


It'd be a shame to come so far to plan the wedding and have spent 6 years together to walk away.  But, make sure to tell him how you feel!  That's the only way for you to know HE knows how it makes you feel.  Good luck!!  I hope things will get better!


 

Posted on September 7, 2008 at 1:30 pm
perky8304
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03/29/2009
perky8304

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I agree with rebeccalenore about telling him that it bothers you that he does this... maybe then he will explain why he does it and maybe put forth an effort... i would definitely try and work it out... i would sit down and tell him how you feel before everything gets out of hand... Good luck!

Posted on September 7, 2008 at 1:33 pm
Sarahinwonderland
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10/17/2009
Sarahinwonderland

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I am sure he will realize how immature he is being. Have you have engagement counceling? They realy help with this sort of thing.

Posted on September 7, 2008 at 2:44 pm
MissQnomore
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I agree. FI gets weird too around his family with me and sometimes his friends too (and we've been together 10 yrs).  It's like I'm just a friend.  So we've been working on it for a long time and he's gotten a lot better.  But he had to realize it was a problem for him to work on, which also took time.  So we just started at....look this is really bothering me and upsetting me...when you do x, y, z (naming specific actions he did).  When he saw how much it upset me he was willing to work on it even though at the time he didn't really see the problem.  Now though, he does, and we're still working on it.  But there could be worse things and it's something we know we're willing to work through. Nobody is perfect, and sometimes maybe let him get out of things (obviously not a 50th celebration...but something minor) to show him you're willing to give a little too.  I'd hate doing that, but maybe he'll see how serious you are about it by letting go of something important to you in the name of compromise.  IDK if that was much help, sorry!

Posted on September 8, 2008 at 5:12 am
lipia3
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It was  MissQ....thank you.  He knows it bothers me and I have let little things like cookouts and such slide, but there was no excuse for this.  I think I just need to take a few days to cool off before I open my mouth.

Posted on September 8, 2008 at 6:30 am
Marinag
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I went to "Movie under the stars" night this past Friday at my Sisters house. I got the same feeling. That my FI could of done a little more to socialize with the people that were socializing.  He was more to himself and watching the movie than drinking beers and B.S. ing with the Adults.  But I chose to not say anything because I know the answer would of been. "Honey, it was movie night and nobody but the kids and I were watching the movie!" LOL  So, I chose my battle wisely and said nothing.  But it's got to be addressed when it's as bad as a big family birthday.  It's not a Tupperware party!!!!  So yes, have a nice clam talk with him.  Maybe plan a dinner where you make his favorite food and what not. Show him you are there and trying to work on things, and that he needs to work with you to.  Nice calm talking is the way to go. Yelling and throwing comments at him will make it an angry situation. You don't want that.


But in my FI defence.  He does the same thing with his Family. I have to be the one doing most of the arranging of dates and gatherings with his Mother and Sister. He is so not into family gatherings.  But if we go to my Brothers house in the mountains where there is fishing, shooting and fantastic mountain views. I hardly have to say anything to him.  One of my greatest pet peeves is "Babysitting" someone at social events. I've made that clear to him. He takes me anywhere and I will makes friends with the cleaning crew. I don't care. I make my own fun.  But family functions are socially and emotionally important.  Talk to the boy and help him see how he needs to work with you.  If he can't work with you and compromise and show you consideration.  Well, that is just the person you are going to marry. And like my mother says.  We see it and we think we can fix it by closing our eyes and hoping it will go away on it's own. But it's still there.


Have a calm diner and talk about it with him.  If you wanted to have children and he didn't.. Would you just let that go? No, you'd talk about it and think it was a deal breaker. All these things need to be ironed out before you get married to someone.


Mitch and I are going to our "Engagement retreat" this weekend. I think everyone should do such a thing.

Posted on September 8, 2008 at 6:38 am
3monkeys
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omg! my FI is similar anything with his family is fine mine it is a diffrent story! wtf, my FI picks fights to if he is trying to get out of somthing i understand what he does now so i nip him in the ass before he starts.... lol! as soon as he starts to speak! i say get ready, dont think about it and dont start or you will regreat it right, and if you make it through the event with out sulking and winging you will get a prize when we get home! seems to work for me! good luck any way!

Posted on September 8, 2008 at 3:33 pm

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