"Black People don't..." semi-vent

Okay, I know that sometimes (in jest) we've all probably said "well you know black folks don't do...." I joke about my family being country/hood because they are... So maybe I'm a culprit too.


So last night I met with my friends, her other friends and a few of her co-workers for a birthday celebration for her. We're at a lounge, all making small talk and getting to know each etc.. when my friend mentioned that I'm getting married and I start talking about about the wedding in Sonoma at the winery etc...


Do you know that there is this one black woman who keeps cracking jokes like "Girl, why you getting married at a winery? You know black people don't drink wine. We don't know nothing about wine unless it Boones Farm. You know black people, we like our 'lickka' (because I'm only serving wine/beer) etc. She kept doing this throughout the night, not only to me but just in general. For instance, when most people didn't want to eat anything and only a two or three ordered appy's, she says 'You know you can't invite black people no where and not feed us. You know we like to eat.'


Now this was a mixed crowd and it was getting a little bit annoying because everybody was laughing so hard at her. Maybe I'm just ultra sensitive about stuff like this and maybe I need to learn to just laugh and let it go because I know that not all black people are the same way, but I really couldn't get past the feeling that some people were laughing more 'at us' than 'with us' if you kwim.


I just feel like some people walk away from those kind of exchanges thinking, 'black people don't do such and such thing' and it must be true because ____ said it and she's black...


Anyway, it just kind of irked me.


Sorry for the vent, it's just something I needed to get off my chest. It makes me rethink all the times I say joke about certain things too.

Posted on May 18, 2010 at 4:11 am
demyful
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(12) Comments

Sankofa24
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01/01/0001
Sankofa24

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I feel you I just think sometimes folks get stuck..in the way they are living, in their place in life...simply stuck. they don't know better so they don't do better.

Posted on May 18, 2010 at 4:15 am
Mrzsmith2be
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05/28/2010
Mrzsmith2be

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I understand its humor to a certain extent. Yes its true but it feels weird hearing it said aloud. Then its the time and place for certain things and lots of times people get carried away with the "what we wont do" type scenarios. I usually ignore them and act as if they are the ones that are ignorant and don't know how to act.

Posted on May 18, 2010 at 4:27 am
thenewmrs.elepano
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thenewmrs.elepano

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I had to stop what I was doing and come to comment because stuff like this really bothers me. Maybe it's because my FI isn't black and majority of my friends aren't either, I don't know, but it really irritates me when stuff like this is done or said in a manner that's serious because you're not joking if you keep making the same joke.


I feel that those negative stereotypes aren't stereotypes for most people outside of the black community it's truth and that's really scary. FI and I went to a party once where everyone was hanging out we all brought something to drink. Well this guy says, "Hey Lala I got some watermelon smirnoff if you want it, I got it for you because I know black people like watermelon!" he was so serious and I was so pissed because in all honesty I like watermelon only on hot days other than that I don't eat it and I surely don't like the taste of watermelon flavor. Ick. Plus it's Grey Goose or nothing in my book.


Sometimes it's so hard to ignore comments like that and I understand where you're coming from so vent away. The next time you should really set her straight because apparently black folks do do all of the things she said that we don't or you wouldn't be doing it!

Posted on May 18, 2010 at 4:31 am
demyful
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demyful

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Thanks for your comments ladies.


Mrzsmith, I had to ignore her, because I can get really serious about stuff like that, and I didn't want to cause a scene. I kept saying stuff well, that must just be you because..... " but then she would hit me with the "girl, don't play, you know black people.... " so I just had to let it go.


Lala, I know exactly where you are coming from. It's probably not right, but it does feel differently to me when people are making comments like that amongst a mixed crowd, because I feel like alot of the people who are listening/laughing aren't aware of/involved in the culture. It's like I can laugh or joke about certain things because I can understand where it stems from and I know that it's just a joke, and recognize it as just a caricaturization but other might not. And yeah, I would have been pissed about that guy making that comment too, even though I LOVE watermelon.


 

Posted on May 18, 2010 at 4:43 am
Octobersky
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Ack......... I cannot stand when peeps do that. I was told this the other day from a friend because I'm having a beach ceremony "Girl why you pick the beach you know black people, sand and Water don't mix you're going to have a lot of mad ashy black people at your party." urghhhh now this has me thinking that what will I do to make sure some peeps are comfortable being on the beach.


Also there was a comment made on this board  yesterday that I took offense to because it was so easy for someone to write about picking a black horse because it was more athletic...WTF??? I had to walk away from that post and not comment in it because I didn't think it was funny, and maybe I was being hyper sensitive about it, but hey that is me.


We are all culprits of the You know Black People don't..........because dammit sometimes its true, but you have to know when to stop..... especially when the laughs start getting a bit forced and peeps are giving you the side eye wondering what your doing.


 


~Lala~ girl you lucky I wasn't at that party someone would have gotten a Karate Chop to the neck, while I was doing shots of the Watermelon Vodka :)


 

Posted on May 18, 2010 at 5:01 am
demyful
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October, some people really do need a muzzle. People think they can just say whatever and then you have those people who take it as truth, that ALL black people don't like water. UGHHH!!!   I've learned to ignore/let so much stuff b/c because apparently I'm "hyper-sensitive" about race relations too. Whatever!!!


 

Posted on May 18, 2010 at 5:54 am
mahoganieyes
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That lady is ignorant! Who elected her to represent the black people? I told fiance about what the lady said and what he thought about you having your wedding at a winery. The first thing he said, " they have money!" That sounds exciting! Poor folks like us are only use to bootleg and potluck weddings. So can we come? I promise not to drink all the Boones Farm!

Posted on May 18, 2010 at 6:59 am
spatton21
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09/10/2011
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WOW - you know when some people are uncomfortable in a situation they use phrases like that b/c it takes the pressure off.  In reality - she is probably all those things she mentioned and some.  She is just ignorant.  Next time you guys hang out - just set her straight.

Posted on May 18, 2010 at 7:16 am
ButterflyGirl
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It may have been funny but she went over board. But its your vision and your wedding so whatever you plan as long as its what you want!!

Posted on May 19, 2010 at 1:40 am
nhoheb
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10/29/2010
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Wow, that is ignorance to no end but I must commend you for handling yourself well.  It is hard to dispell the myths that 'black ppl don't do this or that' if you are closed minded and don't expose yourself to trying something new.  People need to realize that you really have the option to say no if you really feel like you will not 'fit in' on the wedding scene.  I feel it is the one opportunity to do something different while having fun and wishing ppl close to you well.  This is someone I hope is not on the 'list' because that is negative energy that I'm sure you can do without.

Posted on May 26, 2010 at 7:08 am
whit.love
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Lala~ I can't believe someone actually said that to you! Horrible!

Posted on May 27, 2010 at 7:22 am
Brown2Green
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I'm sorry, but she was totally out of line.  And yes from time to time we all make comments like that, but there is a time and a place for everything.  For instance my family and friends go by what we call Boughetto.  A little bit of a snob and a little bit hood and we know when and where and to what extent to use each one. 


The friend/co-worker is just ghetto.  She probably insecure and was trying to beat everyone to the punch of commenting or ridiculing.  Mostly herself because she probably could see you had class and she would have been left out as "that one black girl" .  These type of women/people kill me. 


I'm sorry you had to go through such bull!

Posted on June 4, 2010 at 7:47 pm

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