bride and groom gift tradition... (for each other)

hi, i was talking to my FI tonight... and i gently broke the news to him that we are supposed to give each other gifts before the wedding (i was assuming he didn't know). ;) however, he told me that he knows all about this tradition --but that i have it wrong. he says it's only the bride that gives the groom a gift. his rationale had something to do with the big rock given at the start of the engagement. but also he thinks this is how it was done in other weddings he was in.

now, i'm not at all complaining about my groom... he is wonderful and generous and often gives thoughtful, unexpected gifts (seriously). but we were wondering what others of you have done or plan to do with this tradition.

thanks! :)
Posted on July 25, 2007 at 5:30 pm
tahoegirl
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09/02/2007
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(21) Comments

BayAreaBride
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03/07/2007
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I was not aware of this tradition of exchanging gifts... but I'm still kind of new to the wedding planning thing.
Posted on July 25, 2007 at 7:07 pm
MrsBabySalute
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06/02/2005
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DH and I decided to forgo the tradition because we already spent so much money on the wedding and the rings already... instead of getting each other a gift on the wedding day, we gave each other a gift on our 1-year anniversary and that was our house!
Posted on July 25, 2007 at 8:36 pm
Kristen
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08/22/2009
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Maybe you can compromise, give each other gifts, but yours will be bigger. Or just say that you're a non-traditional bride, hehe. ;)
Posted on July 25, 2007 at 9:06 pm
margaret
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It seems kind of weird for just the bride to give the groom a gift. I'm not really feeling it. For Joe and I, our wedding and honeymoon are pretty good gifts to ourselves. =)
Posted on July 25, 2007 at 10:16 pm
kareenq
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09/01/2007
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Every wedding I have been to the groom has definitely given a gift to the bride.... if anything, the bride has been the one not to give a gift to the groom. Traditionally, the bride herself is the gift :-). I tried to get my FI to forgoe the gifts, but he insists I need to get a 'proper present'. For him, I found an antique picture he had from growing up, and I have professionally rematted and framed it. It was a picture that had great sentimental value, and now can be something to pass on to our kids one day.
Posted on July 26, 2007 at 6:46 am
cin803
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My plans is to make something for my FI. I'm planning to compile a memory book that leads to our wedding day. And hope to finish it afterwards.

I'm always the craftie one and he's always the emotional one. So I'm hoping to squeeze lots of tears out of him. I know I'm evil. =)
Posted on July 26, 2007 at 3:07 pm
sailormoon86
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03/13/2008
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Hmm, this is good that I'm reading this now. I actually had no idea you were supposed to give each other gifts...in the midst of all the other expenses. Maybe I'll copy MrsBabySalute...
Posted on July 26, 2007 at 5:20 pm
its.nicsknack
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08/31/2008
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My understanding of the tradition is that both bride and groom give a gift on the day of the wedding. For some reason I'm thinking that the traditional gift from the groom to the bride is a necklace or other piece of jewelry to be worn on the day of (other than the engagement and wedding ring).

Traditions don't mean obligations. You can create your own traditions. By all means, gifts don't have to come with a huge prictags. I like both kareenq and cin803 ideas with photos and memory books. Those are both very meaningful as is your wedding day. Gifts from the heart are always the most speacial.
Posted on July 30, 2007 at 9:35 am
Rachel0814p
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It is a tradition to exchange gifts with your husband-to-be the day of the wedding. I say exchange, because YES, he's supposed to give you a gift, too!

I?m co-owner of a photography business in Southern California (my boyfriend, Loren, is the photographer, I?m the graphic artist and do all of the image retouching, but I also do some photography from time to time. Weddings are our bread and butter and we cover about 30 a year. we'll be getting married soon ourselves). From all of the weddings that we've covered, it's usually the Best Man who delivers the gift from the groom to the bride, and then the Maid of Honor or a trusted female relative delivers the gift from the bride to the groom. The exchange can be done in the morning while the bride is getting ready or moments before she takes a walk down the aisle. Usually the bride's gift is some kind of jewelry with diamonds or pearls. I've seen grooms' gifts consisting of all kinds of things, from bracelets to watches to money clips, even engraved flasks. But sometimes there's no gifts, just an exchange of really touching cards with a really personal messages in it them always makes the bride and groom tear up.

Not to spam your board or anything, but Boudoir Photography is VERY popular gift for the groom to be given on the eve of the wedding. A lot of women think that they wouldn?t feel comfortable having sexy pictures taken by someone else. But ALL of our boudoir clients are a little nervous (sometimes selfconcious) prior to the shoot?nervousness should be expected. But after meeting with Loren and myself, and understanding how the shoot will work (we explain everything thoroughly?communication is the key to trust), our clients can?t wait to get started! It never takes more than 10 or 15 minutes for our clients to relax and start having fun with the shoot. And by the end of the shoot, they feel like supermodels!

Every client we?ve ever worked with has offered nothing but praise: comments on how easy and comfortable the shoot was, and what a professional and courteous team we make. Our business thrives on referrals and repeat clientel, so we really appreciate such positive testimonials.

If you're considering boudoir photography, let me give you some advice:
Ask friends for referrals or spend some time doing a little Internet research. Find someone in your area that can offer you the style of images that you want within your price range and go with the photographer you feel most comfortable working with. (That last part is probably the most important!) Preferrably you should choose a photographer who has professional gear, a private studio space to shoot at, a female assistant (if the photographer is a male), the ability to retouch images as needed so that you look your absolute best AND a valid business license and good rating at the Better Business Bureau!!

Also, if price is an issue, and you have a friend or 2 who are also contemplating getting boudoir photos, find a studio that offers group sessions. Group sessions generally cost less per person than individual sessions, making it an affordable and fun alternative. With my studio?s group sessions, each client gets approximately one hour in front of the camera. This can alleviate downtime and actually allow each client more time in front of the camera. While one woman is being photographed, another can be working on her hair or makeup, or can be changing her outfits. Another benefit: Besides being able to save some money, some women find group sessions to be easier on the nerves because there is safety in numbers.

Also, there?s a growing trend of brides holding Boudoir Bridal Showers. If you?re a bride who is considering doing a bridal boudoir photography session, consider getting your closest and most outgoing friends together to have a boudoir picture party! Your friends will have pictures to give their significant others (or keep for themselves) and you can give your pictures to your husband-to-be in a nice photobook or an album the night before you wedding. His anticipation of seeing you for the first time coming down that aisle will be through the roof!!

If anyone has any other questions about this kind of photography, feel free to email me. I can share a lot of sound advice.
Posted on January 17, 2008 at 6:14 am
NYelope
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12/26/2007
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Hi! Interesting reading... in Norway (and maybe elsewhere in Europe?) it's custom to give each other "morning presents" the morning after the wedding.

I gave my husband a really nice watch, and he gave me a gift sertificate to take diving lessons! I just loved it because I've been wanting to do this for years, and he already is a licenced diver.. :) We're planning to go to the Maldives for our honeymoon in May, so I'll have to take the exam before we leave... :) (And that will be a TEST, because it's freeeeezing up here in the North of Europe right now :)
Posted on January 17, 2008 at 7:50 am
champagnecholly
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I've heard of evening before presents but you could do both morning and evening! But either way they go both ways. I'm getting my fiance a buy/hold/sell die because he is very interested in the markets. And I'm going to include a cheeky note comparing myself to good buy haha. Anyhow I think kareenq's idea is really great too. For Christmas I had two old photos of men, in my fiance's family, that he really respects retouched and framed. One was of his great uncle in uniform during WWII (also a Navy officer) the other was of his Grandfather during the 1930's looking dapper in white bucks next to his Duesie (which I wish was still around for the wedding ;) just kidding). It was definitely worth it for the sentimental value, it didn't cost me much to have them retouched at kinko's. They printed with their image center on quality photo paper and honestly total cost for their services was under $5.

And I think I've seen past posts where a lot of brides are doing the boudoir images as gifts.
Posted on January 17, 2008 at 8:25 am
MarinBride
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Champagne, that's a great idea! I have a photo of FI's grandfather (whom he looks exactly like) that I've been waiting for the right moment to give him. The day of our wedding is perfect! Gosh, I'm getting a little misty thinking about it...
Posted on January 17, 2008 at 8:38 am
champagnecholly
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09/19/2008
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Haha that will be so darling! And you can find some gorgeous sterling frames (I found mine on sale actually 50% off) so the whole thing is soo meaningful but it doesn't have to cost a ton! Horchow is having a sale now, may be a great place to look for really special frames
Posted on January 17, 2008 at 8:48 am
redluv
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I know of many weddings when both the bride and groom exchange gifts. you don't have to do it, but it's nice. I don't think we are, maybe just give him a card or something.
Posted on January 17, 2008 at 8:51 am
MarinBride
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I saw one where the groom gave the bride a classic CAR. With all the expense of the wedding and honeymoon, I can't imagine throwing the cost of a car into the mix as well!
Posted on January 17, 2008 at 9:15 am
champagnecholly
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09/19/2008
champagnecholly

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Here is a wedding where she gave him a 1920's rolex
http://community.theknot.com/cs/ks/user/page.aspx?username=MrsHoya&MsdVisit=1
I have it bookmarked under "ridiculous profile" because its ridiculously beautiful but way over the top. Also, I love that her other gift to him were little Yalie Handsome Dan cufflinks, how cute!
Posted on January 17, 2008 at 9:58 am
..Deanna..
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..Deanna..

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I got DH a watch, and he got me a diamond bracelet to wear on the wedding day. However it's not something you "have to" do. We weren't going to at first becasue we saw our marriage, wedding, and honeymoon as the ultimate gift to eachother.
Posted on January 17, 2008 at 10:23 am
INSUREGRL
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11/01/2008
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I saw that on an episode of Platinum Weddings...LOL but I think it was a culture tradition. But it was the parents of the bride giving the bride and groom something (she was Persian I think, and the guy was Spanish) HER parents gave him a Rolex ? Or a cartier watch? And her parents gave her some bling.

I think the wedding rings are gifts enough as we'll be broke from the wedding anyhow! lol
Posted on January 17, 2008 at 10:27 am
champagnecholly
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champagnecholly

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There's a show called Platinum Weddings?! I don't even want to know...
Not related side note, ranting (apologies in advance) - in her profile she complains about having to show ID at the gate to a military base. Hello, its not intended for non-military so don't use a military chapel if that's really a problem... That kind of annoyed me, like cry me a river over your major life sacrifice. The base I'm at just lost aircrew and pilots in a crash yesterday (the wives found out from private footage on the local news, not the military because they couldn't get to them fast enough) boo hoo you had to show ID.
Posted on January 17, 2008 at 12:58 pm
caribear
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05/18/2008
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I was at a wedding where I was the go between for the bride and groom to exchange gifts. They both have a thing about turtles... He gave her a bracelet with turtles on it, she made him turtle pillow cases (with the intent of making sheets to go with them). It was very sweet and inexpensive. We will be doing gifts too, and I look at it more for the sentimental value than the dollar value. I want to get him something that he will use for years to come and every time he looks at it, it will be a reminder of our special day.
Posted on January 17, 2008 at 2:14 pm
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