Bridesmaid troubles

Ok, here is the deal... One of my BM's just told me TODAY that she might be moving states away.. My wedding is in December and I have already put the deposit down on her flowers and other things. She is not offering to fly down and it bothers me that she made the commitment and now is not following thru with it. My hubby already asked 3 friends and cannot back out now on them, so I have to find a replacement last minute... (fyi, the dress order takes 10 WEEKS and it has to be ordered ASAP)...

What really gets me is that she always is complaining about how people say one thing and then do the other... It just seems like a double standard to me... My other BM (ssnipes who is helping me tons and does more than my MOH!!!), is irritated by it as well, and thinks she should follow thru with what she promised.

Should I try and get her to stick to the commitment, or just replace her? Do you think she should fly down??? Also, if the house does not sell, and they end up not moving, I cannot invite her to the wedding. (Our budget is thirty ppl...) and then she will be mad....!!!!!


What are your thoughts and suggestions?
Posted on September 9, 2007 at 3:35 pm
sarahmkruse
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12/15/2007
sarahmkruse

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(10) Comments

ssnipes
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08/21/2007
ssnipes

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ssnipes

I think I am the best bridesmaid ever, and if I moved away I would fly down in a heart beat! :)
Posted on September 9, 2007 at 3:37 pm
Ms.Sumomo
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06/24/2007
Ms.Sumomo

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Ms.Sumomo

That's tough and sucks! Did she say she will not fly for your wedding? Maybe you can ask her if she's sure that she will miss it. Also, maybe you can tell her that as much as you want her to be in your wedding, you'll get a replacement.

Good luck
Posted on September 9, 2007 at 3:42 pm
Glimmercat
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05/29/2006
Glimmercat

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I can understand your frustration, and I agree, she ought to honor her commitment, especially because it's an honor YOU gave her by inviting her to be a part of your wedding--and more so, since your bridal party and wedding are small and intimate. That said, I don't think you want to waste time or emotion on trying to get her to stick to her commitment. If she can be flaky enough to bail on you this late in the game, telling her about her lack of character probably won't help. And really, it's not worth it to have her involved in your day. And you have no obligation whatever to invite her to the wedding, when she's already turned down the option to be in it. It's a bummer for her, but she chose it, and if she wants to be mad about it, she doesn't sound like a friend you really need, anyway.
A side note on this...my friend Lisa flew in from Florida to California in order to be my bridesmaid, and she only got about 1 month's notice, which meant a much higher plane ticket. I would do the same for her in a heartbeat. Because weddings are important, and that's what friends do. I've seen your bio, sarahmkruse, and you are going to have a lovely wedding--anyone should be delighted to be included in it. Best of luck to you.
Posted on September 9, 2007 at 4:16 pm
Kristen
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08/22/2009
Kristen

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Wait, so she backed out of being a BM and even won't fly to attend your wedding? That's pretty messed up. If her house doesn't sell, she should understand that she just can't show up at your wedding because you had to plan many things in advanced based on a specific amount of people. I would totally fly out to any friend's wedding - I completely agree with Glimmercat, that's just what friend's do. And even if your budget won't allow it, you find other ways to make it up.
Posted on September 9, 2007 at 6:34 pm
mariegalapon
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10/06/2007
mariegalapon

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mariegalapon

it's a bad situation....your BM should fly back for your wedding since she had previously agreed, but since she is backing out, you should explain to her what will happen in a nice way....hopefully she won't be mad, but hey...you can't please everyone....right?...if anyone should be mad, it should be you....good job on keeping it cool.......
good luck...
Posted on September 9, 2007 at 11:01 pm
ann003
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03/16/2007
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ann003

Ask her if she will be flying out for your wedding. If not, then maybe use that "flower credit" for something else, like cake table decor?

That's ridiculous though - she needs to follow through on that commitment.
Posted on September 10, 2007 at 6:07 am
moemarsita
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07/06/2008
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She's considering not even flying down? Wow. That's pretty bad. What would you say to a non-symmetrical wedding party? It may mean just mean changing picture poses and ceremony details, but it can be done.
Posted on September 10, 2007 at 6:20 am
franieliu
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11/11/2007
franieliu

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It's really unfortunate that some people can be so inconsiderate. She should have told you that she may be moving when she 1st found out about it. & if she couldn't make it to your wedding, she should at least talk to you personally about this & ask you if there's any alternatives. She's just being irresponsible. You should ask her if she's going to follow through with you wedding & still be your bridesmaid. If she says no, then you can let her know the trouble she has caused you by not letting you know earlier, but try & say it in a calm & non-confrontational way. It's going to be difficult, I know, but do the best you can. I hope everything works out for you in the end... Good luck!
Posted on September 10, 2007 at 7:43 am
lukduck
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05/17/2008
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It is her duty as a friend of yours...to follow thru with her end of the bargain.....I am sorry you have to go thru this..because it is just adding stress to an already stressful situation. It might be kinda cute if one of your bridesmaids...maybe your maid of honor walks down with two groomsman....
Posted on September 10, 2007 at 8:02 am
sarahmkruse
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12/15/2007
sarahmkruse

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sarahmkruse

Believe me... It makes me feel really hurt.
Posted on September 10, 2007 at 11:12 am

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