broken family and decision making

howdy ladies!

So in essence my family is broken. My sister who seems to be the root of it all, has hurt the family tremendously. Before even meeting my FI, I had her in mind to be my MOH w/ my 4 friends as my BMs. But time has passed, feelings have changed,and ppl changed as well.

Since she has moved away w/ no communication, she is out of the picture for fulfilling that role. I now am faced to choose btw my friends which I don't really want to do but I suppose I have to? I've decided against the BP and only want a MOH, but will include my friends in some shape or form or rather have them around during the time as I do want to share that with them. what should I consider w/ choosing a MOH?

Another friend(DOC) mentioned I should consider their financial situations. I never really thought abt that. Off the bat, that seems like I'm taking the option away (all of them have kid(s)) and obviously bills and stuff that we all have. She also mentioned that ppl accept the role and don't know what it entails.

FI and I are prepared to fund our wedding...so I'm not even sure why I should consider their financial situation :-/. Wasn't expecting the MOH to dish out money. If my sister was my MOH, I sure wasn't thinking abt her financials. I just wanted her to take the ride w/ me.

The friends that I'm considering being my MOH, haven't been a MOH and are uncertain abt wha'ts expected of them(at least that's my assumption). Outside of them being emotional there for me, and helping w/ planning and info etc, what more should I expect?

 

too many technicalities....too many expectations... I have so much more to say, but I wont ramble anymore :-)

Posted on September 25, 2013 at 12:20 pm
Linnn
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(8) Comments

Linnn
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Linnn

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...

Posted on September 25, 2013 at 12:22 pm
Canooknic
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07/19/2013
Canooknic

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Canooknic

 What is your DOC referring to when she says 'their financials'? Is she talking about them paying for dresses/hair & make-up etc or them paying for hotels etc and not being part of a BP?

I didn't have a BP, but my best friend did everything with/for me. She helped me choose my outfit, flowers, basically planned the day with me. She flew over from England and didn't care that she wasn't an 'official' MOH, she was happy to be here to celebrate my special day and I'm sure your friends will be the same

Posted on September 25, 2013 at 12:31 pm
Linnn
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09/14/2014
Linnn

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She's talking abt them paying for stuff. When we were talking she said "well you know maybe that person can cover the invitations". In my mind, I would cover that. its already apart of the budget. I said well if I don't have a BP, my friends should want to be involved....and I said I would hope they throw me a bridal shower if they aren't in the BP. my friends are weird at times...and not cognizant of what they say. Like one friend went on and on and on abt how much wedding cost(this was last year). That's fine, but to know your friend will get married soon, that was a turn off for me.
Posted on September 25, 2013 at 12:41 pm
Canooknic
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07/19/2013
Canooknic

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Canooknic

 Unless they offer to cover the cost of something (for example, I designed & made my SIL's wedding stationery as my gift to her and my brother) I can't imagine anyone paying for your wedding, you are absolutely right in your thinking xx

Posted on September 25, 2013 at 12:43 pm
zeuster
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11/01/2011
zeuster

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zeuster

theres absolutely no way of making up with your sister? do you all live in the same town? usually  the MOH plans wedding shower and bacholorette party and the rest of time just helps the bride. but if you feel like that is to much. then just don't have a mid of honor. theres no rule that says you have to. not to be offensive but why would a member of your bridal party pay for your invites? that makes no sense to me. Your DOC sounds like she doesn't know what the BP  is suppose to be doing.

If I was you I  would take the girls I want to be in the BP to lunch and be honest this is what I expect you to do buy your dress, shoes, wear your hair and have your make up done.  Ask them. and then go from there. Most people know that if they are asked to be in a wedding they will have to pay for certain things.

Posted on September 25, 2013 at 2:24 pm
Linnn
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09/14/2014
Linnn

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at this point, there's no making up. different states. and that's what I thought regarding bridal shower and bachelorette party. which isn't much and honestly bridal shower only is fine. and I think if I don't have a BP, then friends should do that for their friend. no offense taken. I think she is bugging or was on something b/c thinking abt that makes no sense. I was gonna call her abt that but idk...i'll probably just leave it alone.
Posted on September 25, 2013 at 2:47 pm
Uhlease
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09/02/2012
Uhlease

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Uhlease

 First off, I'm sorry you're dealing with family drama. That's no fun even if there's no wedding involved. As for the bridal party, yes if somebody accepts being a BM there are some expenses they should know about-buying a dress, hair, makeup, etc, so it is something to keep in mind but if they're close friends you guys will find a way to make it work. And no they wouldn't expect to pay for your invites or anything else. Just bridesmaid stuff. 

As for choosing a MOH, you don't have to! Get together with your friends and explain you want them to be part of your day and you can all do things together! It's not easy in these situations but try not to stress too much

Posted on September 25, 2013 at 3:49 pm
KimandByron
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04/25/2015
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Sorry about the drama in the midst of planning your wedding. I agree with Uhlease. They only pay for their things for the wedding and then if they want to plan your bridal shower or bachelorette party
Posted on September 26, 2013 at 8:54 pm

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