Budget

I've decided that I loved planning a wedding BEFORE I got engaged, because I could dream big and think about all the things that I wanted.  But now that I am engaged and my mom and I have been looking for a reception venue, it has sunk in that this wedding is going to be a bit of a burden.  My parents have put 3 kids through college, and my little sister (no. 4) still has 3 years to go.  My parents have NO money, and yet they still want me to have a beautiful wedding with both families, etc.  Today my mom told me that she was thinking about selling her grandmothers ring to help pay for the wedding.  I don't know how much the ring would get, but it makes me a little bit sad.  The ring is too small for anyone to wear, and it has been sitting in the safe deposit box for 30 years, but it is a family heirloom.  Anyway, I was named after my moms grandmother so she said it would be a way for great-grandma to be part of the wedding.  It just makes me sad to see that my parents are wanting me to have a beautiful wedding, and that it's going to be difficult for them. 
FI and I want to pitch in as much as we can, but we want to buy a house and I am going back to school part-time, so money is tight all around. 
The people who do have money are FI's parents, but my parents are too traditional and too modest to ask for help. 
I'm just feeling guilty.

Posted on July 31, 2008 at 8:22 am
Laceandlove
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08/08/2009
Laceandlove

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(12) Comments

jharks
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10/11/2008
jharks

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Hi honey, sorry you are stressed about this! It sounds like tough feelings to have, and it would be sad for you to lose that heirloom. Here is an idea, would your parents consider reversing the traditional roles and letting your fiance's family pay for the reception and they pay for the rehearsal? Or would FI's parents give you guys the money and then you could tell your parents that you two are going to pay for the wedding?


Or, just work really hard to get everything done on a budget. Some of the girls on here have done amazing things with small budgets. As for the venue, can you do it somewhere public, like a park or the beach, or at someone's house?

Posted on July 31, 2008 at 8:38 am
Sarahinwonderland
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10/17/2009
Sarahinwonderland

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Aw I am sorry you are having trouble. I was in the same boat with my parents, but they are just cheap. It seems like your mom would really like you to have the wedding of your dreams. I love planning my wedding also, but it is not the most important thing. I do not think you should go so far to sell a family heirloom that you could one day give to your children. You just have to decide. You can have a small beautiful wedding that will not bust the budget I am sure.

Posted on July 31, 2008 at 9:02 am
mrs.carlo1934
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05/29/2010
mrs.carlo1934

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I'm so sorry that you are going through this but I think that you're parents are awesome for wanting to do this for you.  We are on a very strict budget because we are paying for the whole thing ourselves and we have a 9 month old.  Maybe you guys can have it so everyone pitches in to make your day come true.  We are getting married in Central Park for just the price of the permit $25 and are doing most of the wedding projects ourselves.  You can find some great ideas on here and we are here to help.

Posted on July 31, 2008 at 9:05 am
JustAnothrBridezilla
4
09/13/2008

JustAnothrBridezilla

I'm so sorry you are going through this.  I know its hard I've been there.  We thought we would have to pay for everything ourselves too and we looked at parks and maybe renting a home on the beach to have the reception at.  And I got fed up and we had a small ceremony on the beach just us and our 2 best friends. We didn't even invite our parents b/c his are in UK and it would have been unfair for mine to come.  My family is also big that means we would have had to invite g-parents etc.  We were goignt for the eloping thing (kinda).  We didn't tell anyone we are actually married just told everyone we are planning on having a long engagement.  WE only old our parents that we are actually married. We then spent the money his parents gave us as our wedding gift for on our house and full remodel and now my parents are paying for the wedding (which was really unexpected).  Also, keep in mind that now adays parents split the bill more and more.  A I like jharkins idea about reversing the rolls.  I think whose ever parents can afford it and are will let them do it.  Don't loose that heirloom.  Also, some people take out a small personal loan (interest rates are really low right now) but if you want to buy a house it might now be a smart idea to do before.  Something else you could do it buy your house and then refinance or take a second out to pay for the wedding of your dreams.  Good luck and let us know if we can help.  We are all here for you :)

Posted on July 31, 2008 at 9:41 am
d1rtymart1n1
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12/04/2009
d1rtymart1n1

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d1rtymart1n1

sorry to hear about this.  but in reality - we should strive for the marriage of our dreams, not the wedding of our dreams, b/c after the ONE day is over - what do you have left??  two people who love each other and committed to building a life together


the cost of weddings has skyrocketed and it's not hard for us "normal" people to get sticker-shocked when planning.


so the question is - what are you and your fh comfortable doing to have a nice wedding but still keep finances in check?


GL! and hugs!


ps. dont let go of the ring for just one day

Posted on July 31, 2008 at 10:18 am
jackieg
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04/17/2009
jackieg

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jackieg

Well said!!!

Posted on July 31, 2008 at 10:23 am
WMforever
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06/14/2009
WMforever

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don't worry laceandlove. i absolutely would NOT allow the heirloom to be sold. Your mom is being and angel for wanting to do that for you and that thought is priceless. However, you don't have go down that route. A gorgeous, romantic affair can be had with very ltitle money. Seriously! Look for a lakeside (or oceanside depending on where you live) park and rent it out. Have your ceremony there and you can do tons to decorate it in a sweet way. Flowers from your garden, or flowers you plant specifically for the wedding (my parents planted hydrengea plants for my wedding next year). Stick shepards hooks everywhere and tie long flowy ribbon to "circle in your area". Then for the reception, have a huge cute picnic type party. make huge thick blankets in white or whatever your wedding colors are and set them up in a cute formation or something and order catering. Something yummy like chicken salads or even bring in someone to bbq. You could hire a band to play music while you eat and stuff. You'd have money to hire a clown for the kids or a mime. you can do it! I can just picture it!


also, i hate to say this since a lot of us are doing a lot of extra things that are quite costly, but honestly, who's going to care if your wedding is not this big extravagant affair? the most memorable weddings have been the romantic ones where you can feel the love in the air. I for one remember a couples tears and first dances more than i remember their wrought iron 8 feet tall 20 million roses centerpiece. catch my drift?

Posted on July 31, 2008 at 10:24 am
Juliet
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03/22/2008
Juliet

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Money is tight here too. My FI and I are both working full time, both in grad school, and Im working extra for the wedding. We are also trying to save for a house. Our parents also have other financial obligations - my younger sister still in college and his parents have other things going on.


My parents were going to help monetarily but one day my mom and dad got into a small argument over money. It was over a small amount but the bottom line was that my mom felt some pressure to save money for my wedding. First off, I hate it when any of my family argue. Second, I strongly believe that families should never fight over money!!! So seeing that it stresses my mom out... I told she she shouldnt have to pay for anything.


In my opinion, please do not loose the ring. What's a couple of dollars over an heirloom? You cant replace the ring. Ive cut out some of the things I wanted out of the wedding so we dont have to charge it. Sucks, but oh well. I'll deal with it.


If anything, I would desplay the ring at the wedding!!!


Good luck, take care and Happy wedding planning!


Juliet

Posted on July 31, 2008 at 10:31 am
RebelBride
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09/27/2008
RebelBride

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Lance- Awww, you mom sounds like such a sweetie that she wants you to have a beautiful wedding. It seems really important for her for you to be happy and I agree, the ring should stay in the family as a heirloom. Maybe you can wear it somehow or get it reset so you have use on your wedding day. As for the budget, I think we are all in the same boat (no platinum weddings here), that's why we moved ours to Mexico, to save a ton. Maybe all the families can sit down and come up with some options on who can contribute what, and you can go from there on the planning. I know it will work out somehow.

Posted on July 31, 2008 at 1:19 pm
SunsetHawaiiWeddings
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SunsetHawaiiWeddings

My mom spent the last of her inheritance on my wedding. I can see where your mom is coming from. When I realized what she did, I was shocked. We asked if we could have a small wedding where my mom lived. Not for her to pay for anything. I was in Hawaii and she was on Orcas Island and planned everything. It was so beautiful and now that I have daughters of my own I understand why she did it. Very special to me. If I had know I would have stuck with the simple, just family, wedding. I am very happy we had what we had. One of the only times all of our friends and family will ever get to be together. We were showered with blessings and community support for our marriage. I only wished we would have had more time together other than the weekend destination wedding.


You can do it on a budget if you buy the table cloths, cook your own food with friends and family and family's friends, get a good photographer family friend or three, just in case, get wholesale discounts on everything from food to flowers. Be simple with your dress and do just the toast for alcohol.


The Venue is the key!!! you must be able to bring in your own food and refreshments.


Bride.com wants to do a story on a bartered wedding and vendors may be willing to sponsor your wedding in trade for the publicity... Get creative!!!

Posted on July 31, 2008 at 1:39 pm
GondaluvsGondo
2
08/16/2008
GondaluvsGondo

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you should do the KIIS FM wedding! its a radio station in LA that gives away a free wedding!!

Posted on July 31, 2008 at 1:56 pm
d1rtymart1n1
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12/04/2009
d1rtymart1n1

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 il cielo??? 

Posted on July 31, 2008 at 2:04 pm

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