Can I just get some cheer up help?

Both FI and I are really down in the dumps. The more we crunch numbers the more we realize we have less and less to have our wedding with. I'm not going into a long winded response or anything... I'm just upset because at the this point were not getting the wedding of our dreams or remotely close to it. And we're both extremely frustrated and depressed about it. We feel stuck and really are close to just going down to city hall (nothing wrong with it mind you) and just getting it done. While I'd be happy with the end result I know we'd both be upset we didn't get to share the walk down the aisle, or the first dance etc... So I'm just... I dunno. Send some cheer up vibes our way please!
Posted on July 11, 2013 at 3:47 am
Kittywolf13
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(21) Comments

zeuster
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zeuster

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Sending you Hugs and good wishes!!!

Posted on July 11, 2013 at 4:34 am
foreverlovex
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foreverlovex

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cheer up. I know what its like. Me and my FI are paying for everything ourselves and when I say everything, even rehersal dinner. Something will come up and you'd be suprised the different ways you can make money. We had a garage sale and i've been budgeting like crazy. Just ask God for the strength to get where you where you need to be. Best of luck to you!

Posted on July 11, 2013 at 5:36 am
Kittywolf13
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Thanks ladies. It helps to just vent and be spurred on by others!
Posted on July 11, 2013 at 5:52 am
meandean
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meandean

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We, too , are paying for ours. We have been saving for a year. We decided to get married on the beach and have a VERY small reception when we got back home, it ended up being cheaper this way for us, but hopefully still beautiful(I will know in FIVE days!!). The one thing that you have to think about to keep your head up is that the most important part will be that you are uniting as one, and you will get to spend the rest of your life with the one made for you. I know we all want our perfect wedding, but sometimes we just have to decide what the most important parts are for ourselves and spend the bulk of the money there. We are not having a sit down dinner for a reception, more of a finger food type thing, because we wanted to be able to invite more people to celebrate with us. It will all work out, and anything you do will be beautiful, jsut ike your union. Keep your head up!

Posted on July 11, 2013 at 6:05 am
Uhlease
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Uhlease

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I'm so sorry you're feeling down in the dumps! It's def not fun thinking about budgeting for a wedding! The ladies have given great words to you already, so I'll just add in and send you some virtual hugs!

Posted on July 11, 2013 at 8:11 am
MnP2013
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keep your head up. maybe you guys can push back the date a little to save some more $? sorry you guys are going through this. FI and I are paying for the whole wedding ourselves and yea it is a lot of $ but you want the wedding you can look back on. There are tons of articles on this site that have good advice on how to keep a budget.

Posted on July 11, 2013 at 8:16 am
MrsCaleYoung
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Sending you so many hugs and encouragement! Every bride wants to have the wedding of your dreams but during the journey always remember the ultimate goal is marrying the love of your life! 

Posted on July 11, 2013 at 8:21 am
Kittywolf13
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Yeah I know guys! It's just frustrating that's all. And I'm ok with pushing the date back. How long can I wait till its too long you know? There's never enough money or the right time so how long till I have to draw a line and say its this or nothing?? That's my dilemma. I'm ok with waiting, but then I think about our future and how I'd like to enjoy time together before kids and how I'm only getting older etc so it all just compounds on us. But more specifically me. Right now I'm working on a plan. But once again its a waiting game.
Posted on July 11, 2013 at 8:46 am
Kittywolf13
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*flails around and cries* were falling apart. All were doing is arguing and I really think this is the end of our engagement and possibly relationship. :(
Posted on July 16, 2013 at 1:25 am
nenyibabs
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Honey, I just sent you a PM. Please check it up, its kinda long. **Hugs**

Posted on July 16, 2013 at 2:52 am
mrsnicholas
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Oh I am so sorry that you are going through this right now!!!!


I understand the pressure that we put on ourselves to have perfect weddings and the stress that can come with that. Try and take some deep breaths and relax. It really is not worth it to make yourself crazy.


You can have a nice wedding on any budget! Think back to our grandparents and great grandparents who had small weddings and small receptions at home. They didn't regret having a smaller more intimate wedding. They still have fond memories of the day and I'm sure that they wouldn't change that day for anything if they could.  


You could get married at home and do a brunch reception with bagels, donuts and muffins for under $1,000 total. You could throw a NYE party at your house (or a friend or relatives) and surprise everyone by getting married at the party. There's a ton of options for a small wedding!! 


I know that everyone here would be more than happy to help you plan! :)


There will always be something that comes up or something that happens. You should set a date for the wedding and a budget and stick to it! You can do it! Please let me know if I can help you in any way. Good luck!!!


 

Posted on July 16, 2013 at 3:54 am
Kittywolf13
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Thanks guys. It's just I've gotten nothing but grief. Planning, saving, suddenly after 6 months my fmil wants to help with the wedding which hasn't been offered till now. I feel like what little planning I have needs to be redone and FI and I can't agree anything. I'm just over it. I'm not happy, things sent going well and my depression is wracking havock on my mental health. I even forgot to pay my wedding dress on time.
Posted on July 16, 2013 at 5:44 am
MrsCaleYoung
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Oh dear! Please don't say that! Praying for the both of you. Check your messages. 

Posted on July 16, 2013 at 7:34 am
zeuster
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zeuster

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ok sweetie, first of all you need to sit down with FI and figure out why this is so hard for the both of you. You need to figure out if this is what you both want (to be married). After that you both need to make a list of what is most important to you regarding the wedding. Is it date, venue, photos, big, small, the reception. Then you need to have the talk about money. Then you need to see what can you realistacally do.


Secondly, you need to take time out for you everyday. do one thing that makes you feel good. If its reading, or walking, or exercising, or volunteering or taking a hot bath whatever it doesn't matter but you need to make yourself do this.


if you need to come back and vent then thats what we are here for. I am sending hugs to you and fingers crossed. Everything will work out the way its suppose to.

Posted on July 16, 2013 at 7:39 am
jmbuss9
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Awh, this makes me verrrry sad :( Sending both of you guys lots of positive vibes, loves and hugs!

Posted on July 16, 2013 at 8:11 am
Kittywolf13
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thank you zuester those are all excellent ideas.


when i ask FI what he wants from our wedding its always the same responce "Something nice" he doesnt want a back yard thing that makes it look trashy. when i ask him to explain more he just goes on and on about how we have to make things look nice and have to treat our guests right etc, while i dont disagree with him, i feel he is more concerned with appearences and what others feel then of his own feelings and much less mine. i just dont want the cookie cutter wedding. i dont drink, rarely dance, so the idea of being stiff and forced into seating arangments and receiving lines and announcements about when things are going to happen just makes me gag! (i also dont want to get married at a country club = golf courses or a hotel... but the second is mainly cause its not afforadable, and im trying to avoid a beach wedding... their beautiful but ive lived in fl my whole life and all beach weddings are kind of the same no offense to anyone!) 


So then i came up with a cool idea, that fit my ideal and i thought he would think would be cool and SHOULD be budget friendly because it would be a brunch kind of deal. at first he was happy with the idea. but by the next day he was going "Shouldnt we think about something else? the yacht club was nice... i like that. its elegant and blah blah" 


THEN to make matters even more interesting, i asked him (which ended up being kind of forced in the end because he didnt want to do it at first and maybe i should have just swallowed my annoyances and pride and done it myself) to ask his parents a simple question, were they planning on helping us out finacially at all for the wedding. i wasnt asking numbers but my reason was so i can have a firmer idea of what kind of budget i need to aim for.... we got engaged in DECEMBER, and have been looking since JANUARY... when he asked them, they told him yes they were! They hadnt mentioned anything till that day. no interest other then she went once with me to a local venue and asked to see a pic of my dress. Granted maybe its my fault and im holding resentment for the fact that instead of congradulating us on our engagement her first responce was "You dont have a pot to piss in!" and the second one was to ask my FI if he even got me a ring (he proposed out of town) so my first instincts were she didnt really care for me or the fact that my FI wants to marry me, so why, especially if she made no mention of it, would she be interested in helping pay for our wedding?? so maybe im being pretentious but now im kind of in a stunned depression.


we went to see a venue the other day out of curiosity, they quoted us about 6,300, not too bad, but when i think about adding decor, photographer, cake and DJ my total will easily be more like 10,000. during dinner i mentioned that 10,000 was not a feasiable number and her responce was "Now dont say that just yet." shaking her finger at me. I'm flabbergasted. but at the same time terrified that now ive opened the flood gates of their money means things go their way. 


Realisticly im looking at 3,000 (for everything but not including dress, rings, veil and stuff like that because i already have most of that) by our target month of 2/2014... thats mainly my funds and whatever FI will contribute once he starts working again in august. i dont know how much my parents can feasiably offer and what they really want to give us is a nest egg to start our life and they really dont want us useing it towards a party. i agree with this. (id rather have a home then a party) the cheapest places i've looked at have been around the 6,000 mark for just the venue, food, linens. already this is 2000 over budget from what i KNOW we will have for certain. 


im in total shock and dont know what to do. *face plants into desk*

Posted on July 16, 2013 at 12:31 pm
beccabride
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((((Hugs)))))  Sending you good thoughts and I'm so sorry that you are having to go through all of this.  We are all here for you!!!!!

Posted on July 16, 2013 at 1:42 pm
Kittywolf13
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thanks becca, :( im just so stuck its not even funny.

Posted on July 16, 2013 at 2:40 pm
meandean
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meandean

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Thinking of you! Hope things are getting back on track, sending prayers your way

Posted on July 22, 2013 at 6:28 am
Kittywolf13
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Kittywolf13

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I think they are. We just need to establish a budget with all the known factors and I think things will be better. :)
Posted on July 22, 2013 at 7:33 am
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