Can today get ANY worse?!

All I have to say is GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!


I am getting sooo stressed lately and I cannot handle it anymore :(


 


I really hate to vent... But I need to release all this "grr-ness" :)


First things first... My former BFF's mother passed away with cancer on Thursday...  I was such an emotional wreck only to get frustrated b/c I was trying to find out info about the wake/funeral..  Since my former BFF wouldn't talk to me, I was trying to get the info from a mutual friend.. Luckily, she finally came through :)  And unfortunately the service was in St. Louis (6 hours away) so I sent flowers (might I add that floral companies totally rip you off?!)...  I was so grateful to find out later that they were delivered and BEAUTIFUL.  Whew...


However, Friday night I had some menstrual pain and since I was being lazy, I just fought it off by ignoring it and going to sleep... BIG mistake..  Saturday morning I was in severe pain..  I made FI call 911... And I went to the ER...  I was tossing all over my bedroom floor... (and getting sicker to my stomach, "hint hint") :(  I haven't had this kind of pain since I was depressed with my ex...  And even then it only lasted 20 minutes or so... Well Saturday morning lasted an hour! :(  And the doctor and nurses kept acting like I get this EVERY month... And saying how they can't help me and I really need to go to the gynie.. (No sh*t..) They basically weren't listening to me but they still gave me stuff for the pain.. So that made me happy :)  I really think it was all the stress with my former bff's mother passing.. And my situation on what to do...  And the stress I've had at work..  (Last week was such a nightmare)


Well...  Things can ONLY get better, right?!  Heck no.. :(  This morning, FI and his mother get into it...  (Quick background:  His parents are retiring in May; they are moving up north and FI and I will be "paying rent" to stay at their house) Well, we have two queen size beds, so we always talked about making a guest room...  One of our "agreements" was that since we're staying at their house, they always have a place to stay...  Well, apparently we are not allowed to have anyone else stay in that guest room.. WTF?!  We're paying rent.. It's our bed, our tv... Our STUFF furnishing THAT room and only you two can stay there?!  Uh... I do not think so!  FI and I are ready to find an apt...  BUT, no matter what we do, we'll be looked down on...



  • If we stay, they will always have something to control us with and we'll always be doing "something wrong"

  • If we get an apt, we'd be "stupid" to waste our money in a small apt. opposed to a "house"

  • If we get a new house, "how the heck could we afford it"


To make matters worse, FI is collecting unemployment right now, and his six months is up...  The lady said that he will probably qualify for the government grant, but that doesn't tell us for how long nor how much... :( 


And to top it all off, my mother asks how I'm feeling today, and then goes on saying that I probably have "...." (I forget the name) which is what my aunt has and therefore I won't be able to have children!  Why worry me when we have NO IDEA what happened to me?!  Why make "assumptions" like that?


 


Grr.. Grrrrr... Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...


 


Thanks for listening :)

Posted on January 11, 2010 at 5:58 am
misshammy
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(26) Comments

misshammy
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Ok.. My mother finally told me what it was called... "endometriosis"...


Sigh..


 

Posted on January 11, 2010 at 6:20 am
Octobersky
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((HUGS))

Posted on January 11, 2010 at 6:28 am
miss_em2010
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aww...hunny :(. I'm sorry you are having such a crummy day.


With that being said, if you want my 0.02 cents....get the f*ck out of your IL's house!!!! Seriously. It will always be "their" home and never "yours" - no matter if you pay rent or not. I can forsee problem after problem - you do not want that headache!!!


I really, really think you guys should get your own place. Sanity is priceless!!!! TRUST ME!! And you want to start your new life as husband and wife in your own home. Renting is NOT the worst thing in the world. Yes, you are "technically" throwing away money, but you know what, who cares...it'll be worth it. JMHO.

Posted on January 11, 2010 at 6:33 am
misshammy
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I totally know what your saying, Em :)  And we're getting >< this close! :)


It's just nice to finally live in a HOUSE... You know?  I lived in an apt with the ex...  And with me being the only one working, rent can be flexible... Whereas at an apt. complex, cannot...  But, with this drama, I'm ready to get out of there and I'm not even IN there yet! :)  We shall see..

Posted on January 11, 2010 at 6:37 am
miss_em2010
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Why not look into renting a townhouse or something instead?

Posted on January 11, 2010 at 6:38 am
Kaytana17
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Awww..I hope you feel better soon! I agree w/Em. Get out of their house as soon as you can...there's nothing I hate more than someone having a "hold" of you...

Posted on January 11, 2010 at 6:40 am
midnyteblue110609
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midnyteblue110609

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so sorry to hear that you are going through all this!  huge hugs


def. move out!  you want to start your new lives as stress free as possible.  it doesn't look as though your in laws are going to help much in that dept.


although renting is kinda like throwing away your money ... i'd rather throw away my money and feel comfortable and at home where i live.  all the extra money in the world isn't going to help you and your DH at the time when you are trying to get your marriage and new lives together.  interference from FILs is the last thing a newly married couple need.  rent for a few years and save as much as you can.  DH and i rent right now and I do not think it is a waste of money b/c at least i still have a roof over my head.  we will have our house in due time.  do what it is you need to do to ensure that you and your FI are comfortable and feel at home where you live.  one rule from your ILs can easily add up to 10 more rules ... who needs rules when you are an adult and married!?

Posted on January 11, 2010 at 6:42 am
misshammy
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Townhouse may be an option :) 


Just have to wait till FI gets a job :(


This sucks.. heh.

Posted on January 11, 2010 at 6:42 am
Nadine2135
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Wow, you have had a rough few days!!! I hope you are feeling alright now? That must have been scary! Hopefully your doctor can pinpoint what is wrong and offer a solution!


Sorry to hear about your former BFF's mother passing :(


I can't believe his parents said that!! Do they really think that is fair?? lol Like Em said, at if you are throwing away money living in an apartment, at least it's yours and no one else can tell you what to do?


And money problems on top of all that really sucks. I know how you feel, FI makes an hourly wage (a really high one) but hasn't been getting any files the past few weeks. No files = no paycheque. So frustrating especially when he is offering to contact clients and drum up business. I will cross my fingers he qualifies for the government grant and that's it's what you guys need!


***HUGS*** :)

Posted on January 11, 2010 at 6:43 am
misshammy
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Thanks for your kind words, girls :)


I think that will be our best option... Just move into a 1 bedroom apartment that I can afford on MY salary and save-save-save :)


 

Posted on January 11, 2010 at 6:44 am
miss_em2010
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also, don't forget, your finances are NONE of your IL's business....if they make comments about wasting money, I would remind them of that very quickly.

Posted on January 11, 2010 at 6:46 am
misshammy
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I know... You're exactly right, Em...
It's just hard for FI and I to stand up to them...


Don't get me wrong.. I love them dearly and they are good to us, but this stuff is just unnecessary...


 


I'll have to talk to FI and figure out what we need to do.

Posted on January 11, 2010 at 6:50 am
tktoups10
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Living in a family members house has it's perks. FI and I live in his step-dad's house and pay him rent. He's pretty cool about letting pay after the deadline, depending on how FI gets paid. But we can't leave Charlie out when we not home because apparently to the step dad, Charlie is a big monster. FI's step-sister "rides" by the house often to see what we doing. It's a mess.


My point of that story is, find some place else to live. Especially if they telling you that ya'll can't have guest. I understand it's their house, but when you rent it, you have to let the people living there do what they want without trashing the house.


HUGS to you misshammy! PM me if you need anything!

Posted on January 11, 2010 at 6:50 am
misshammy
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Exactly.. It's not even like we'll have many guests.. It's just a saftey net.. KWIM?  And it would all most likely be other family members... Geez :(  It blew me away when FI told me that...

Posted on January 11, 2010 at 6:54 am
misshammy
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@Nadine - I am MUCH better :)  Just dealing with the "normal" cramps now.. :)  I'm just afraid for NEXT month...  I'm going to save some of the Norco pills for next month if this occurs again..  I know it has to be the stress that I've been under... :( 


And it amazes me that it's not really "about the wedding" :) 

Posted on January 11, 2010 at 6:57 am
MountainBride
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Oh no Hammy. . . goodness gracious woman.  :(


***HUUUUGGGGSSSS***


Ok. . .then I'm going to tell you again. . . MOVE TO COLORADO :) :) :)


I made you some brownies


Oh no Hammy goodness photo 1271270-1


That said. . .I totally agree with the other gals - you NEED to get out of the IL's house!  Yes, they will tell you how you are wasting your money, whatever, BUT that will be the END of it.  For some reason they think you two are completely incompetent when it comes to $$, I know that's not true and SO DO YOU.  Both of you, being nearly hubby and wife, need to move on from their condescending, stress-causing, relationship wrecking habits: and that includes them treating you both like children.


You are an adult - a smart, accomplished, wonderful lady and they are trying to make both of you feel like children.  How do I know this?  Unfortunately I too constantly have to battle my own mother off from making me feel like a teenager.  The BEST think you can do for your sanity, and for your relationship, is to move forward as adults.  Say 'we are getting married, we are ON OUR OWN, we don't NEED them, and WE can do this.'  


Get out of their grasp now before you find yourself still in it 10 years into an otherwise lovely marriage.  


Your husband will find work, I guarantee it. . .things are going to look up.  


I'm so sorry about your BFF's mom . . . you are a sweet gal for sending flowers.


As far as endometriosis - I believe it's pretty common.  It doesn't mean you CAN'T have children either!  And for all you know, like you said, it's all just based on stress.


You and FI need to have a bottle of wine together and chat this out - enjoy each other - and don't let this get to you.


<3


 

Posted on January 11, 2010 at 7:16 am
misshammy
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MB.. You know I love you right :)


You are so fabulous :)


Thank you :)

Posted on January 11, 2010 at 7:30 am
tktoups10
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Wait quick question and I do apologize if it's been answered.


Ok so about you wasting money by not living in the IL's house. Was it gonna be ya'll house to keep forever???

Posted on January 11, 2010 at 7:32 am
misshammy
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No.. Not unless we BOUGHT it from them.. So we're still "wasting money" BUT it's in a house compared to an apartment, get it?! :)


Our original plan WAS to buy it from them but there are way too many updates I want to do to make it my own.. So I told FI no... Especially when we get into conversations like this.. :(

Posted on January 11, 2010 at 8:01 am
Lilivati
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Re: horrible cramps/stomach pain


I get this every few months where I am just rolling around the bed weeping in pain.  I have been to the doctor about it and know there is nothing they can do.  BC helped a little bit, but I got EVERY SINGLE SIDE EFFECT except for the blood clots, including making me psycho-level anxious and giving me migraines, and it wasn't worth it to feel that crappy all the time even against a couple hours of excruciating pain.


But here is the thing.  My mom had this same thing before she had kids, and now she has three and at least one of them was unintended.  Her mom had the same thing and she had six kids.  I have met many other women with similar experiences.  It seems to be something that goes away or at least improves after childbirth.  So I think your mom is off her nut with saying you won't be able to have kids!

Posted on January 11, 2010 at 8:37 am
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