Choosing Attendants

How soon should I choose my attendants?  Basically I've told my two younger sisters that I want them both to be my MOH's; they can share the job. And FI will probably have his brother as the Best Man.  But I don't know what to do from there.  I have a brother and sister-in-law who we can include (if they even want to be included). 
But my big problem is with my friends.  I have 3 close friends and I will PROBABLY be a BM in each of their wedding (I already am in 1).  FI says I should include them, but I don't want a huge wedding party.  If I include one I have to include them all.  
I don't really want to have them in the party, but I don't want to hurt anyones feelings.  So what do you all think?

Posted on July 17, 2008 at 4:10 am
Laceandlove
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08/08/2009
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(12) Comments

txbride08
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09/13/2008
txbride08

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If you really don't want to have them in the party then tell them you are trying to keep it simple and by doing so are having family only in it. I'm sure they will understand.

Posted on July 17, 2008 at 4:14 am
txbride08
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txbride08

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If you really don't want to have them in the party then tell them you are trying to keep it simple and by doing so are having family only in it. I'm sure they will understand.

Posted on July 17, 2008 at 4:15 am
prbetsi75
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05/08/2010
prbetsi75

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I know EXACTLY what you're talking about. Same situation for me - I have two sisters, and three very close friends and I didn't really want a big wedding party. I decided to just have our families. So one of my sister's will be my MOH, another will be a BM. FI is having his son as his best man, and his brother will be a GM, and his younger brother with down syndrome will be our ring bearer. Done.

I plan on including my girlfriends by having two of them do readings, and one, who sings very well, sing a song.

Just tell your friends that you're going to have a small wedding party of just family to save on money and such....And if they're true friends, they won't get upset.

Good luck!
Posted on July 17, 2008 at 4:16 am
AdamCtch22
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09/06/2009
AdamCtch22

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AdamCtch22

We aren't getting married for 14 months but my fiance's friends were already jockeying for wedding party status.  We both talked about it and decided on a number we could both live with that kept our friends feelings in check.


Usually there's a point where you say "well, if i add him/her, then i have to add so-and-so".  We both decided that 3 worked well for us even though we could probably have more.  The three we chose were "obvious" choices so no one else should get their feelings hurt. You two just need to decide who your "obvious" choices are and see if they match up in numbers (or at least close i guess). Good luck.  Its a tough decision (but it's yours!)


FYI - here's how it played out.


Groom side: (1) Best friend (BM), (2) my brother, (3) friend who introduced us


Bride side: (1) Her BF (MaidOH), (2) Her sister (MatronOH), (3) My sister

Posted on July 17, 2008 at 5:08 am
AdamCtch22
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09/06/2009
AdamCtch22

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SIDE NOTE - i'd even suggest that you (the bride) should get preference on number of people.  Guys aren't that sensitive about it and we have an easy out anyway - Just let the remaining guys be ushers instead of using groomsmen for that.

Posted on July 17, 2008 at 5:11 am
jackieg
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04/17/2009
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we ended up going with just a best man and a matron of honor...even though FI has a sister, and i have 2 sisters and 2 brothers....it would have made the bridal party huge...so for us it was a "1 or 5" situation....so we decided to go with just 1 each....but somehow we ended up with 3 ushers (who aren't actual groomsmen), they're FI's cousins....

Posted on July 17, 2008 at 5:12 am
HolyMolyMatrimony
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08/31/2008
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I agree, big bridal parties have actually been harder if anything.  (kinda regret) and its more money haha Anyway, you could still have them involved in the planning, etc. to make them feel special/ do things together with them...


- HMM :)

Posted on July 17, 2008 at 5:16 am
Sarahinwonderland
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10/17/2009
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I ended with three. I just want the very closest people in my wedding so my FSIL is a BM, and my other two sisters are BM and MOH.


I think having just family is the best.

Posted on July 17, 2008 at 5:34 am
MissQnomore
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03/14/2009
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I agree with the ppl.  Also take into consideration that uneven wedding parties are not uncommon now.  I had this same problem and FI thought...wait we're uneven!  and I was like...I am NOT adding a BM just to even numbers, especially since it was a 1 or 3 case as well.  So this is what happened with ours..


Me--Sis (MOH), half-sis (BM), BFF (BM), Childhood friend (BM)= 4


Him--BFF (BM), my bro (GM), his bro (GM), HS friend (GM), HS friend (GM), College friend (GM)  AND nephew (Junior GM)=6 and1/2

Posted on July 17, 2008 at 5:49 am
TurningGreene
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07/19/2008
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This post has been removed at the request of the poster.
Posted on July 17, 2008 at 6:11 am
jharks
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10/11/2008
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If your friends would be hurt by not being included in your wedding party, then I say ask them. I mean, it isn't like you are going to have 15 ppl standing next to you, only 5. Why don't you want a big wedding party? If it is because you don't want them up there with you, you can have them all sit in the 1st row... if it is because it will be uneven, who cares, have your guys walk back down the aisle pimp style with a girl on each arm! Our numbers are uneven (5 for me, 6 for him), but I wanted all the people we wanted to be in our wedding to be included. I say have them in the wedding. Just my pov

Posted on July 17, 2008 at 6:53 am
Laceandlove
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08/08/2009
Laceandlove

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Thanks for all your advise.  I don't think my friends would be hurt by not being included.  But FI will probably include his two roommates from college, so that ruins the whole "family" thing.  I have come to accept that we will probably have different numbers; that doesn't bother me.  The more I think about it, the more people I think I need to include.  At one point I was up to 8 people as my attendants.  It's so hard to cut people out.  I haven't asked anyone yet (Besides my two sisters, because they are definites).  I know once you ask, you are kinda stuck, so I want to be sure. 

Posted on July 17, 2008 at 7:35 am

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