Could this be worst?

Hey ladies,


I feel guilty cause I can't keep whining about my situation and I know it could definitly worse but I really need to get this out and I don't really know whom to talk to since people around me keep telling me to stay positive and right now, it's the last thing I want to heard.


So my hcg levels have been playing yoyo since august 25th the day I thought I miscarried. Last week, my dr. wanted to see me because he was suspecting an ectopic pregnancy. He did a quick exam and since there was no pain, he asked for one more bloodtest on friday. Just had the result and my hcg is still at 60.


So now, I have to go to the hospital on thursday to have an exam by a specialist. They'll determine what is happening (ectopic pregnancy, incomplete miscarriage...) and probably do an intervention. We don't know if it will be a D&C or an injection of misoprostol. In any case, I'm totally scared and can't stop myself crying.


It's been more than 3 weeks with cramping, bleeding, backaches, stress & insomnia so I'm completly exhausted and I know I can't rely on my feeling anymore. But still, it seems like everybody around me is getting pregnant or having beautiful babies or having wonderful non-baby-related projects and me...I just get stucked with my problems, unable to think about anything else, being miserable and feeling like I won't be happy ever again! My thesis and training directors are really comprehensive and allowed me to took some time off but time just goes by so slowly when I'm home doing nothing. And knowing there still a part of this baby we wanted so much inside me...kind of makes it hard to think about something else...


Anyway...this post doesn't have a real goal and I know there's nothing that can be done except waiting. But I guess I just had to get this out...

Posted on September 17, 2012 at 9:08 am
pavez19
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pavez19

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(15) Comments

Claire27
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06/19/2010
Claire27

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Claire27

All I can offer is an internet hug =(  I'm so sorry you are going through this.

Posted on September 17, 2012 at 10:41 am
dorkmeetsnerd
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09/26/2009
dorkmeetsnerd

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I'm so sorry to but I know you'll get through this. Thoughts and prayers to you.
Posted on September 17, 2012 at 12:25 pm
haleighb
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09/25/2011
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i'm so sorry.  is a mini vacation a possibility once this is all over?  it sounds like you could use some relaxation and a good bit of time to get your mind off of everything.  i'm talking massages, tropical drinks with waitered service, sea breeze and total calm.  you deserve to take a break and reset your mind and body. 


sending you hugs and lots of love. 

Posted on September 17, 2012 at 12:54 pm
_MNM
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_MNM

Comment has been removed by Project Wedding due to a violation of our Terms of Use
Posted on September 17, 2012 at 1:49 pm
jackieg
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04/17/2009
jackieg

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jackieg

So sorry...I had to insert misoprostol for 2 different blighted ovums/missed miscarriages....luckily I was able to pass everything on my own w/o a d&c...pm me if you have questions.
Posted on September 17, 2012 at 2:00 pm
GermanBride2011
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05/28/2011
GermanBride2011

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I'm so sorry honey to hear that it is still not over... sending you lots of good thoughts, hugs and love!!! Like haleighb said - perhaps take a mini vaca with DH with relaxing and calm! {hugs}

Posted on September 17, 2012 at 11:09 pm
futuremrsgamboa
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11/05/2011
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futuremrsgamboa

Don't feel guilty, that's what we're all here for, to give eachother support! I'm so sorry you have to go through something so terrible as this. I really hope that it can be taken care of soon so you can try to move on the best you can.

Posted on September 18, 2012 at 3:19 am
Kristen_Tater
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08/20/2011
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Ditto the other ladies honey.... don't feel guilty at all!! Come and vent and talk to us whenever, you need to let it out somewhere!!! *HUGS* keeping you and your DH in my prayers that you won't have to do a D&C

Posted on September 18, 2012 at 7:20 am
kblove
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I'm so sorry, hun.  I second Haleigh about the mini-vacay.  I think that would be good for your mind/spirit.  Even a nice hotel with a pool nearby.  Sometimes it just feels so good to escape all the things around you that are causing stress and regroup :)  Sending hugs.

Posted on September 18, 2012 at 11:12 am
jmbuss9
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07/22/2012
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jmbuss9

So sorry to hear that, hun! *Hugs hugs hugs*

Posted on September 18, 2012 at 11:30 am
AuntTate
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09/10/2011
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*Hugs*  I know how you feel.  When DH and I lost our first LO everyone kept telling me "oh it happens a lot, don't worry you'll get your baby."  And I remember thinking, ya know what deep down inside I know that but right now, could someone just hug me and tell me that it's ok to be upset?  It was weird, no one wanted to talk about it in my family.  Luckily, I had the ladies here to turn too.  I did end up doing a D&C with my doctor just because the concept of letting it happen naturally kind of freaked me out and my doctor ended up saying that he didn't want my body to do it naturally because he didn't want my body to "know" it could it naturally, which made sense to me, even if it's not 100% a true statement.  If you ever need someone to chat with, message me anytime! *Hugs*

Posted on September 19, 2012 at 9:23 am
pavez19
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07/14/2012
pavez19

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pavez19

Thanks everybody. It such a comfort to know that no matter how I feel, I always have my PW's ladies to talk to!


Taryne...you totally put words on what was in my mind. I just want to yielled at people and tell them " Can I juste have the fuc*ing right to be mad and feeling sad for myself for a couple of weeks?!!?!?!". Arggg! That's exactly why I told my friends and parents I didn't want them to come to my appointment tomorrow. I know they care a lot about me and I so glad of my support system these days, but sometime, I feel like there's nobody that can really understand and I won't be able to heard all their positive thoughts tomorrow!


I keep your offer in mind. Depending on what the Dr. tells me tomorrow, I might have a couple of questions about the D&C if it comes to this.


 

Posted on September 19, 2012 at 11:16 am
msdl
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05/28/2011
msdl

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msdl

I'm so sorry :-(


I hope you will come here whenever you need a support system. In a way, I wonder if it might help your parents and/or friends to understand more if they were able to accompany you to the doctor or talk to you about it after you got home? That is a TOTALLY personal decision, and I know if it were me, I would probably just want my DH there with me. Just thinking that maybe it could be a way for them to help you get through such a difficult time. I can't imagine how hard this is for you, and I know you could use all the support you can get. 


{{{BIG HUGS}}}

Posted on September 19, 2012 at 12:05 pm
pavez19
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pavez19

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pavez19

You got a point Debbie. But DH is definitly coming with me and he's probably the one who understand the better how I feel. Poor DH...he's trying to deal with this the best he can to make me feel better but I can say he's pretty sad too...:( and he HATES hospital.


It's just that my parents and my 2 BFF proposed to come too.I couldn't say yes to them cause we would have been way too much for the little waiting room, lol. But there was a part of me that also didn't want them there for the reason I wrote before. I know I'll be pretty devastated for a couple of hours and as much as I want to stop feeling sad, I think I need to really get all this sadness out of my chest, without feeling guilty to do so...At this point, I think DH will be the best and only one to understand and just hugs me without saying anything.


But I hope that after this appointment, it will really be over and if so, I'm pretty sure I'll start feeling better. Then, I think I'll take some time to talk with my parents and my friends and make sure they know how I was feeling and why I wasn't really responsive of all their extra attentions the past few days. But I have amazing friends and family members so I know they aren't upset even if I don't call often to give news or because I'm  grumpy when I talked to them!

Posted on September 19, 2012 at 12:26 pm
msdl
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msdl

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msdl

I totally understand where you are coming from. Sometimes you just need to let yourself feel it so that you can heal. I am wishing you the very best of luck. You are so strong and will get through all of this! <3

Posted on September 20, 2012 at 11:46 am

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