Could this be worst?
I feel guilty cause I can't keep whining about my situation and I know it could definitly worse but I really need to get this out and I don't really know whom to talk to since people around me keep telling me to stay positive and right now, it's the last thing I want to heard.
So my hcg levels have been playing yoyo since august 25th the day I thought I miscarried. Last week, my dr. wanted to see me because he was suspecting an ectopic pregnancy. He did a quick exam and since there was no pain, he asked for one more bloodtest on friday. Just had the result and my hcg is still at 60.
So now, I have to go to the hospital on thursday to have an exam by a specialist. They'll determine what is happening (ectopic pregnancy, incomplete miscarriage...) and probably do an intervention. We don't know if it will be a D&C or an injection of misoprostol. In any case, I'm totally scared and can't stop myself crying.
It's been more than 3 weeks with cramping, bleeding, backaches, stress & insomnia so I'm completly exhausted and I know I can't rely on my feeling anymore. But still, it seems like everybody around me is getting pregnant or having beautiful babies or having wonderful non-baby-related projects and me...I just get stucked with my problems, unable to think about anything else, being miserable and feeling like I won't be happy ever again! My thesis and training directors are really comprehensive and allowed me to took some time off but time just goes by so slowly when I'm home doing nothing. And knowing there still a part of this baby we wanted so much inside me...kind of makes it hard to think about something else...
Anyway...this post doesn't have a real goal and I know there's nothing that can be done except waiting. But I guess I just had to get this out...