Crazy father- LONG and Complicated
My parents divorced while I was very young and my mother raised me with really no help from my dad. He has been in and out of jail, a drug addict and we have had periods of time in which we didn't speak for years. Last year, after 3 years of no contact with him, I decided it was time to make peace. I now live in Florida, where I will be married and he lives in NY. I asked my grandma to walk me down the aisle and share a dance with me, as my mother is now deceased. As it is, the planning process has been very emotional without my mom and he is a constant source of stress. I have to be honest, the times he shows interest and talks about traveling to attend, I feel a glimmer of hope, that my father will actually do something for me, something a normal, loving dad would do, but he always manages to mess it up. Our wedding is small, because we are paying for it entirely by ourselves. We had to decide on a adult reception bc of both the cost and to keep certain relatives from coming (heavy drinkers, inappropriate behavior) all from my dad's side mind you.He is telling people he is helping to pay, and also telling them just to show up with the kids...no big deal. He responds as if, I am being a bridezilla, and said if I wanted everyone to come I would serve burgers and hotdogs. I have worked really hard to make my mother proud, put myself through college and grad school to live a decent life. I mean, what father wouldnt want a nice wedding for their first child? Doesn't he think I deserve it? It is so super frustrating to worry that what is supposed to be the most magical day in my fiance and I's life will turn into a ghetto spectacle bc my dad has no clue.. Also, he is trying to get a ride down, rather than fly...why idk? But he wants me to invite people who I havent spoken to in years just because theyd be willing to drive down...that way he could come. Initially I said, well if this means you'll be here then we can eat the cost, but at this point I am not so certain I want him here. I know he will expect to walk me down the aisle and a dance, which puts me in a very uncomfortable situation.... My grandma is all I have left of me mom and had she been alive, she'd be walking me down that aisle.
Are any of you dealing with dysfunctional family issues? I've worked so hard to create a happy, healthy life for myself and Anthony...I just do not have the energy to deal with my dad.