DH's mother....

walked out of his life when he was 6 and never looked back she was abusive when she was around and put his and his brother's safety in jeopardy many times. At first we weren't going to invite her to our wedding but I think more out of spite dh added her to the list. We made it very clear to everyone that she would not receive the honors the mog would receive and instead those honors would go to his grandmother. Well, I just found out after both of us making it very clear to EVERYONE that she pracitically shoved my mom out of the way so she could be escorted down the aisle. Her words to my mother were "oh no it's not your turn yet the mog goes first." Had I known about this on the wedding day I would've stopped it right then and there but I didn't find out until afterwards. DH and I are fuming about it. I'm sorry but how dare she?!?!?!? We made an extra corsage just in case and she chased our florist down for one, our floirst happens to be a very close family friend and dh's mom would not leave her alone about it until she got one. Then she had the audacity to b&tch about not having a mother son dance. Ummmm...hello what makes you think you deserve anything at our wedding? She's lucky she got invited. We're both pretty upset at her right now. We know she's abusive to her 16 year old son the poor kid is terrified of the world he was literally shaking at our RD and she doesn't care but my God she made sure everyone knew her son just got married. I wish dh would just say something to her to shut her up she doesn't deserve anything when she did nothing and it grates on our nerves so bad.

Posted on April 21, 2010 at 1:52 am
hurleygrl135
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(10) Comments

miss_em2010
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If your MIL is not part of your life, just let it go. Why let something like this eat you up? The wedding is over....try to move past it...there's nothing that can be done.

Posted on April 21, 2010 at 2:32 am
Linzee
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While I understand why you're upset. 


Miss_em2010 stated it best. Just let it go. Now that the wedding is over she doesn't have to be a part of your or DH's life anymore, if you don't want her to be.

Posted on April 21, 2010 at 6:00 am
Mau
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Oki, if the kid is abused, why dont you report her????  That is my big question 

Posted on April 22, 2010 at 1:01 am
Lilivati
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Mau you sometimes have a tendancy to see everything very black and white.  It is NEVER that simple when it's family or even friends who are like family.  Do you know how many times I almost picked up the phone in junior and senior high because of the verbal/emotional abuse my best friend was receiving from her mother?  I assure you the reason I didn't wasn't lack of courage.  It's because it's hard to draw the line between being a shitty mom and being a criminal mom, and once you cross it there is no going back.  If I called CPS on her and they DIDN'T do anything about it, do you think I would have still been permitted to support her by her parents?  Do you think that would have been a positive thing?  Do you think she would not have recieved MORE abuse in that outcome?


So the question I kept asking was is my friend in immediate physical danger (either from her mother or herself)?  As long as that was not the case, I didn't call, because I felt that a) if immediate danger wasn't present CPS wouldn't do shit, and b) it would only make the situation worse.


Please don't judge a situation when you only have the smallest amount of context.  Hurley gave us a couple sentences on a situation that likely could merit at least a couple pages to explain fully.

Posted on April 22, 2010 at 2:51 am
Mau
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I have called people on people before and  here it is anonymous and I even been called on twice  and gotten surprise visit from socialwelfare, the manage to come every time I was baking cookies and buns, I wasnt the bad stepmother it was the real mother who was rotten.


But then again maybe the system in my ciubtry is better then yours, who knows.


How ever I do have the courage to speak up and try to help, hence I am soon adopting my stepdaughter as my own.

Posted on April 22, 2010 at 7:28 am
Lorienne
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Mau, not sure if you noticed but I think from hurley's post, the abuse was something that happened years ago, so there's really nothing to report at this point. 


Hurley, I'm so sorry this happened to your Mom at your wedding!  Sounds like keeping her out of your married life moving forward is the way to go.   I agree with Em that you can't change what happened in the past so letting it go would be what's best for you -- but I can sure understand why it would have been upsetting to you, too!  

Posted on April 22, 2010 at 8:08 am
Lorienne
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Oh, wanted to clarify I meant keeping your MIL out of your married life - not your Mom!  ;) 

Posted on April 22, 2010 at 8:16 am
Mau
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I must have missread this part.


"We know she's abusive to her 16 year old son the poor kid is terrified of the world he was literally shaking at our RD and she doesn't care but my God she made sure everyone knew her son just got married."


 

Posted on April 22, 2010 at 9:25 pm
hurleygrl135
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Mau, I should have put she's emotionally abusive to him not physically. While she may have been physical with him in the past we have no clue is she still is as that was literally the 3rd time dh has seen that particular brother in his entire life so we don't know all the details, however, from experience with dh and his other brother it's safe to say she's fairly emotionally abusive which while not right as long as he is not in any immediate danger there is nothing to do about it. Dh has only seen his mother 3 or 4 times in 18 years so he really doesn't know her or that brother. Going forward she will be in our lives as little as humanly possible but it's hard not to get upset when she acts like she was ever there for dh when in reality she wasn't and still isn't. I hate people that pretend to be the kind of parents they aren't and while I was definitely upset about it I've had my chance to vent. Unfortunetly, I was not made aware of it at the time or she would not have gotten as far as she did and in fact dh was aware and was making every attempt to stop her without causing drama but unfortunately he was unsuccesful as he has the same feelings I do.

Posted on April 23, 2010 at 12:39 pm
Sparkysgirl2010
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Hurleygirl, I understand where you're coming from.  It sounds like your MIL took a wonderful opportunity to celebrate something beautiful and she mucked it all up.  I would regret inviting her, and wishing you could've put her in her place, since she did more damage on your wedding day.  I think you and DH are right in having as little to do with her as possible.  :/

Posted on April 24, 2010 at 2:54 am

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