DH swaying his opinion......

Hello ladies! I have been MIA for awhile but still lurke on this board to see everyones exciting news.  I need some advice and sorry this is long.  


DH has always talked about having children. He talked about it more than I did. When we got engaged he always said we should have gotten married years ago so we could already have a family. He had names picked out and even was asking if we could try before we were married. We were both really excited and I have had my heart set on TTC.


We were married in October and had planned to start TTC right away. Since then sex has basically come to a stop, no matter how hard I try to start anything. He said at one point he would give me a baby for christmas, but nothing.


I confronted him about this about 2 weeks ago and he said he wants a family and would be extremely happy if we got pregnant, but he just wasn't sure anymore. Im just not sure what to make of this. AND since then, I have absolutely no desire to be intimate and have been having an attitute toward him. I know this, but don't know how to stop how I am feeling. I almost cried at Christmas watching him with our nieces/nephews thinking that I can't have that yet and our children won't get to grow up with them.


Anybody ever experience this or have any words of wisdom for me.

Posted on December 28, 2009 at 11:12 am
dana.rw
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(5) Comments

odessa33
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05/15/2009
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gosh I don't know, that's really tough and I'm sorry you're going through it....I'm confused that he says he wants a family but isn't so sure anymore...what does that mean? What isn't he sure about? I don't blame you for the way you're feeling towards him. You feel betrayed and let down about something really important. It's hard to want to be intimate when you feel betrayed. You need to feel like you can trust his word and understand where you stand with him again


Ya know, lots of people say that nothing changes when you get married. But I know for me and my husband it changed everything somehow. I felt totally different. And I even had a brief freak out about it. Maybe your DH is just having an adjustment to marriage. It's one thing to think about marriage and starting a family but when it actually happens it can be a lot to absorb. Maybe he's still trying to get his footing with the marriage being real now before he can handle a baby being real too. That's all I can think of.


You want to be able to talk openly with him about this to understand it but without pushing too hard. I wish you the best no matter what

Posted on December 28, 2009 at 11:27 am
shalliwell
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I agree with Odessa.  I would also maybe sit him down and see if youguys can talk about it.  I really hiope you cam work it out and see whats goign on

Posted on December 28, 2009 at 11:36 am
WMforever
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i agree with the girls. sorry you're going through this. do you think maybe he's depressed at the moment? the holidays brings about depression in some people and maybe thats what he's experiencing? the fact that he doesnt want to have sex at all is a big red flag that something serious is going on. stay strong and talk to him and figure out whats going on. good luck.

Posted on December 28, 2009 at 3:52 pm
MountainBride
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07/12/2009
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MountainBride

I'm sorry Dana. . .


I think that Odessa nailed this one:


It's one thing to think about marriage and starting a family but when it actually happens it can be a lot to absorb. Maybe he's still trying to get his footing with the marriage beingreal now before he can handle a baby being real too. That's all I can think of.


Marriage is a BIG commitment and a big life change.  He's still reeling from your very recent wedding and maybe feeling a lot of pressure about children now too.


I'd give him a little time to adjust, simply don't breach the subject for a while because if he's not ready, then the whole situation will be uncomfortable for you both.  Marriage and parenthood are a two person commitment, and having him totally on board will make both of you a lot happier.  It stinks, because you want kids NOW (I totally understand!  I'm in the 'waiting for hubby' stage right now too) but having kids when one of you isn't ready is not fair to either of you.


I think the best thing for you to do, is accept that it's not his time yet. . .and pre-occupy yourself with something else (Nesting?  Decorating?  Scrap booking your wedding experience?  Blogging?).  As far as your attitude. . .I agree - it wasn't fair what he did (saying he was ready and then freaking out about it) but in the interest of your marriage do your best to hide it.  I'd be hacked too!  But he'll come around a lot faster, and be more responsive to a wife that is being sweet and understanding, kwim?  The tension created will only delay the process of him jumping back on the TTC train with you :)


Best wishes!  

Posted on December 29, 2009 at 3:53 am
Eugugoly82
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Im so sorry you have to deal with this, but I agree with the other girls.  Good luck with everything!  I hope things start to look up soon!

Posted on December 29, 2009 at 4:01 am

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