Divorced Parents: Financial Madness!

Hi,

My parents have been divorced and remarried for over 22 years. Each sets of parents have gotten along but were never close. I was always close with each of them.

My dad is in a much better financial situation than my mom. He wants to through me a big wedding. He does not want to pay for any of my mom and stepdads guests (my step dads parents are also divorced and very dysfunctional-lots of drama). He will have around 60, my FIL will have 60 and we will have 60. My mom and stepdad can only afford 20. They are very mad and claiming I am "pricing them out" of the affair. How can I scale back? Should all other parties suffer because my mom cannot afford more guests?

My mom wants us to scale back but my dad is delighted to throw a special affair. I offered to pay for some extra guests (around 10) for my mom. My mom is very upset with me and basically ruining our great relationship over 20 of her friends.

What is the right move in this situation?

Posted on August 21, 2013 at 1:23 am
franksmom
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franksmom

franksmom

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(5) Comments

zeuster
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11/01/2011
zeuster

zeuster

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zeuster

I would ask you what is it you want?? Are the 60 guests that your father is inviting people that you actually know? I think the general rule is that not all the people invited will come anyway. To answer your question I am not sure there is a "right move" in this situation, Are your inlaws paying for their guests? If not then I would say that;s kind of being unfair to your mom. but on the  other hand if your dad is paying he can dictate what the rules are. Is there anyway you can talk to your dad and just tell him that it would make you happy if everyone could have the same amount og guests.

Otherwise, you might have to find another way to pay for it or reduce the guest count all the way around. Sorry you are going through this but sometimes weddings bring out the worst in everyone.

Posted on August 21, 2013 at 10:55 am
Sammy_D
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09/10/2011
Sammy_D

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Sammy_D

 If your Dad is offering to pay and wants to throw a big party, then he should be willing to pay for the guests that you want there, whether they are 'his' guests or 'your mom's guests"...to me that is just the way it is. You decide who YOU want to invite, and take into consideration who your parents want there since they are helping with the wedding, and then that entire group is lumped together as your guests. Because it's not fair to break it down and say "well I'm paying for most of it, I'm inviting who I want".

You should be surrounded by people who love you and want to really share your happiness on your wedding day. Good luck hon, that sounds like a no fun situation at all!

Posted on August 21, 2013 at 12:17 pm
Uhlease
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09/02/2012
Uhlease

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Uhlease

 Hey there, I agree with both ladies. Although its a little unfair how your dad is doing things, he is paying so like zeuster said, that gives him a little more say in things. But like Sam said, invite who you want! DH's parents paid for a few things for our wedding so we invited some of their friends. Honestly I wish we wouldn't have. Its not a big deal but in retrodpect. I think weddings should be about having just the people you want to celebrate with. I'm really sorry you're in this situation. 

Posted on August 21, 2013 at 2:53 pm
MOBRIDE72
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04/25/2015
MOBRIDE72

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MOBRIDE72

I'm sorry this is happening. This time should be nothing but happiness. I sympathize with your mom though. My FI and I are paying for our own wedding but I know his grandma wants a few people invited that he says he really don't care for. It's not going to make or break us either way. He says he don't even like the ones she things he should invite. His mother passed away 5 years ago and I am not close to my mother at all. His father is great and says it's our wedding, our money to do what we want. My father passed away 3 years ago. Hope it all works out
Posted on August 28, 2013 at 12:01 pm
jlschindele
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11/08/2014

jlschindele

Comment has been removed by Project Wedding due to a violation of our Terms of Use
Posted on September 1, 2013 at 10:25 pm

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