Enforcing No Guest?

ugh so some of my friends aren't getting the whole you aren't necessarily guarenteed +1 if your invite doesn't say and guest.


do I break this to them?


a girlfriend wrote and was like "oh I think I'll bring my new friend to your wedding" and it's not as though she doesn't know a ton of people there...


how do I say actually we just don't have room for everyone to bring guests...


This is so complicated, some people want to bring kids, others want to bring friends who live in the area, do I just go with it or can I let people know politely not to bring all of these extra mouths! ha.


 

Posted on July 16, 2008 at 9:25 am
cvillebride
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(30) Comments

ceejaydee7
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well.. we just said. due to our budget we cant have any plus 1's at the moment and that we wanted it to just be close family and friends. i also told another friend if infact in the end were under budget id let them know if they can bring a guest. and then just never told them yes lol


my friends understood. if shes a good friend of yours she should totally understand

Posted on July 16, 2008 at 9:29 am
beatie
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um, no...you don't just go with it...unless you have enough money and space to host them all and don't care to have more people there than you had hoped.  otherwise, you need to speak up.  awkward?  yes.  but it's a fact of wedding life!  i'm not looking forward to it but it has to be done.  we've devised a plan - whoever is closest to the person that put the +1 has to be the one to call or email.  say it's my friend, then I call.  FI's friend?  he calls.  Ii it's my family member, then my mom calls and his mom if it's on his side.  most people, if invited to a party at someone's home, would think to ask "hey, is it okay if i bring someone?"  but for some reason, weddings seem to make people think they can bring anyone and everyone.  i say speak up if you need to!

Posted on July 16, 2008 at 9:31 am
jharks
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10/11/2008
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As Emily Post says:


"Q. What do I do about guests who ask to bring guests?
A. It is impolite of a guest to ask if he or she can bring a date—but it is not impolite of you to refuse. Say, “I’m sorry, Stan, but we have very limited seating at the reception and we just can’t accommodate any additional guests.” However, if you discover that they are engaged or living together, invite your friend’s partner, either verbally or by invitation. "

Posted on July 16, 2008 at 9:32 am
jackieg
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we're doing the same thing Beatie....i'm hoping we don't have too many calls to make!  just make sure to only put the names of the invitees on the envelopes.

Posted on July 16, 2008 at 9:33 am
beatie
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i did...and i wrote in their names on the rsvp cards.  anyone that adds names to that HAS to be lame...

Posted on July 16, 2008 at 9:34 am
jharks
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my grandfather's brother and wife can't come (we didn't think they would anyways) so they GAVE their invitation to their daughter (my mom's cousin) who my mom does NOT like (like it was a concert ticket or something!). Seriously people, we are inviting the people whose names are ON THE ENVELOPE!!!!!

Posted on July 16, 2008 at 9:37 am
jackieg
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OMG Harkins...that's crazy!!  i was kind of confused...i had to read that twice....

Posted on July 16, 2008 at 9:39 am
cvillebride
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ok good. this is giving me strength. see the thing is about emily post, she even says it's impolite of a guest to even ask, but these peeps aren't even asking! but yes i will say something thanks to the strength and conviction given to me by my fellow pwers.


love putting the names on rsvp.


one couple asked to bring friends and offered to pay! i'm like really, geez why don't they just brown bag it and bring a flask.


so many awkward things about being a bride!


and yes cee jay i like the idea of saying well we'll see how the numbers turn out.

Posted on July 16, 2008 at 9:41 am
jharks
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haha, sorry, I am trying to work and post at the same time... sometimes it just doesn't come out very well :-)

Posted on July 16, 2008 at 9:41 am
cvillebride
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omg. seriously people are like scalping tickets to your wedding. that is pretty bad.

Posted on July 16, 2008 at 9:42 am
jharks
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I know right?!


well he is 91, so we are just not addressing the situation, just hoping that his daughter doesn't rsvp :-)

Posted on July 16, 2008 at 9:48 am
MrsJC
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06/21/2008
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i know what everyone is saying here but i dont agree with you not letting them to invite someone. i know wedding is expensive and all. but if i am the one that is being invited and i dont get to accompany by someone, its a comfort thing, i would not be happy. 

Posted on July 16, 2008 at 9:58 am
JustAnothrBridezilla
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09/13/2008

JustAnothrBridezilla

Yeah this is such a sticky subject.  Unfortunately, oe of my BM's wanted to bring her b/f who I hate and who hates me as well and I told her no plus one due to limit on the boat and we are over extended as is.  She was not understanding at all and now she is no longer my BM nor is she coming to the wedding.  Needless to say, we are no longer friends.  Now my cousin has just found herself a new b/f and wants to bring him she said if they are still togteher by then....its like damm it I can't win!  I don't want another upset BM plus no family drama so is she wants to bring him I'm nt saying anyting! 

Posted on July 16, 2008 at 9:59 am
cvillebride
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i hear you, i mean it would be one thing if she didn't know anyone else. but we're all one group of friends, and i'm not allowing the other singles to bring guests either.


it does seem like discrimination against single people i guess...

Posted on July 16, 2008 at 10:00 am
jackieg
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our invites go out in mid-January....if by that time our "singles" haven't been dating someone for at least 6-mos to a year...they're coming alone!

Posted on July 16, 2008 at 10:04 am
JustAnothrBridezilla
4
09/13/2008

JustAnothrBridezilla

spyder-I think that there should be rules like bridal party why would they need someone there when they won't be sitting with them? they won't spend anytime with that person and you are stick sitting them somewhere?  Their guest would be uncomfortble too.  I think its stupid.  Bridal party is in the ceremony then during cocktail our they are busy taking pix. then during diner they are at a seperate table and the only time they would really see their date is during the last hour or so for open floor dancing. Then as for bringing kids, some peope don't want kids at their weddings.  Personally I'm oppsoite I love kids so family members are allowed to bring kids but co-workers and friends are not alowed to.  Friends- I think if they don't know other people at the wedding then sure bring a date but if you are single and want to bring a random friend- I say get over it and go mingle maybe you'll actually meet someone new.  But friends that are invited who are in a social circle with others who they may know then its up to the bride to give these people a plus 1.

Posted on July 16, 2008 at 10:06 am
MrsJC
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ok, maybe my situation was a little different, the wedding where my bf than was one of the gm and the bride said that i cannot attend the wedding because i havnt dated my than bf for more than a yr.  i was like WTF? we are a couple and its not like we are not bringing a gift, in fact, we gave them a pretty good gift.  i am getting a little personal here because i was the one that got X out.  i think that if you invite someone, you should always include a guest, not the whole family, but a guest should be in your mind. 


 

Posted on July 16, 2008 at 10:09 am
jharks
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We are going by the, if we know their significant other long enough to know their first and last name, then we are inviting them. The only exception we made was to tell our wedding party that they have up until a month before the wedding to let us know if they are planning on bringing a date. We only did this because 2 of them have long-term on-and-off relationships so we will see if they are off or on, come 2 months from now.


But outside of the wedding party, no plus 1 unless we say it on the invite. I am fine being a hard-a** about this. Want me to call your friend cvillebride? Happy to be you "big guns" :-)

Posted on July 16, 2008 at 10:09 am
JustAnothrBridezilla
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JustAnothrBridezilla

spyder-I know that sux to get X-ed out but if your bf was a gm then I get why you wouldn't have seen him.  The only exception I made was for the bm his wife and 2 kids are coming but evryone knows his wife and she won't be bored.  I'm not sure if he'll be bringing the kids but either way I would be ok with it.  Its different when you've been married 10 years they won't be running off to see eachother during important moments and checkign to see if the other feels comfortable.  When your the g/f who doesn't know anyone at the wedding and you can't even st at the table with you b/f why would you want to be there?  I'm all about being strict on this b/c weddings are expensive and why should you sacrafice people you might want there from the B-list b/c soemone from the A-list wants to bring s friend. 


I had another cousin from my dads side tell me I don't have to feel obligated to invite them if we are out of room they won't take it personally and I said of course not we want them there.  Then they asked if they should get a sitter or are we allowing kids.  So sweet!  This is how peopel should be damm it!!!  I told her she could bring her son (he's buddies with my lil bro anyways).

Posted on July 16, 2008 at 10:21 am
Meowkers
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I agree with jharkins.  If your guest has been with their significant other long enough for you to actually know them, (or of them if they live far), then they should be invited and their actual name should go on the invitation, (not a +1).  But giving out random +1s is silly. It's inviting people to scoure for a random date to come to your wedding when you could fill that spot with people you actually care about.

Posted on July 16, 2008 at 10:31 am
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