Etiquette question- my husband was asked to be in his brothers wedding

But I was not. I'm fine with this since I have had a contentious relationship with my BIL. I understand him wanting his brother in his wedding. 

They are Scottish and going to be wearing traditional kilts. While my husband was discussing the garb with his brother this evening, he asked what "the girls should wear" (meaning me and our daughters) his brother replied "they already have their dresses" my husband then used my name "what should ---- and the girls wear?" "Oh they can whatever dress they want, the main color is kelly green if they'd like to match"

It dawned on me that my husband may be paired up with another woman for this ceremony. Nobody has come right out and said this but it seems to be the plan. 

My question is, what is the proper etiquette for the brother but not his wife to be in the wedding? This will feel like an intention diss to me and be embarrassing as I sit in the audience with our kids while he escorets another woman down the isle. Am I over reacting, considering the relationship I've had with my BIL? He would enjoy embarrassing me and of course I would be the one one to wreck the wedding by saying something.

how does the wife handle this situation?

thanks in advance.

Posted on March 10, 2014 at 1:39 am
TheBrothersWife
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(6) Comments

AshandTrev
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05/30/2015
AshandTrev

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 I dont feel like this should be offensive to you as typically the man picks his men and the woman picks her bridesmaids. If it was your wedding and your husband chose his brother to be a groomsmen you wouldn't be expected to have his wife as one of your bridesmaids. I dont think you should be emberassed by your husband walking another lady up the aisle at all it may feel a little awkward but i really dont think its a big deal at all. Your BIL probably didn't even think anything of you not being in the wedding as he wouldn't want to tell his new wife who she had to have on her side just my opinion but id just go and have fun and not worry! 

Posted on March 10, 2014 at 12:08 pm
Canooknic
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07/19/2013
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 I agree. If you aren't close with the couple there's no reason for them to include you in their bridal party.

Your husband won't spend the whole evening with whoever he walks with, it's only really a ceremony thing so there shouldn't be an issue. You don't need to feel embarassed at all, just enjoy the day as much as you can xxx

Posted on March 10, 2014 at 12:18 pm
jmbuss9
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07/22/2012
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jmbuss9

I agree with everything the other ladies said. I wasn't in my SIL & BIL's wedding. I sat next to my MIL at the wedding. Wasn't embarrassing at all. 

Posted on March 10, 2014 at 12:20 pm
TheBrothersWife
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TheBrothersWife

 Hmmm. Thanks for the replies. I'm just worried that there will be all couples since my BIL will definitely have at least two couples (that are good friends of theirs) and then there will be "the outsiders" his brother and I have been together since we were teenagers. (23 years) so there is a long and sorrrid history there. My dream would be to send my husband and me not go at all but that's even worse etiquette right? Lol. So I guess ill have to suck it up. I appreciate the input!

Posted on March 10, 2014 at 12:29 pm
Fearce
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05/28/2019
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 I wouldn't put much into it.  For our Wedding Remix, I'm sure habibi will want his brothers to be in it but I probably won't have their girlfriends be bridesmaids.  I have my own set of ladies in mind that I am thick as thieves with so I know it is nothing personal

Posted on March 10, 2014 at 1:42 pm
Uhlease
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09/02/2012
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Uhlease

 Unfortunately it would probably be worse etiquette if you didn't show up at all. I agree with the other ladies...it may be hard, but don't take it personal and just try to have a good time!

Posted on March 10, 2014 at 1:47 pm

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