Feelig sad for my friend :(

I recently found announced on Facebook that we were expecting (at 20 weeks, I am now 22 weeks). So a really good friend of mine wrote me to congratulate  and to tell me that she was also expecting. I was soooo exited for her because I know she has wanted a baby since she was like 15. She got married last August and they were actively TTC. Unlike me, she was planning her pregnancy. We are actually pretty close and she was my MOH at my wedding.


Well we talked for a while and I told her my whole story about pregnancy. I told her about how miserable I was when I found out (it was not a planned pregnancy), how I cried for 2 weeks and how out of my mind panicked I was. I mean she knew how careful I have been with my BC. We were always very honest with each other and shared a lot. I mean I told it the way it was you know? Obviously I am very much in love with my baby now and would not change anything.


Well yesterday was her first Dr. appointment at 12 weeks. There was no heart beat and the baby had clearly stopped growing a few weeks ago :(  I wrote her asking how it went and she told me the news. She is now waiting for the M/C  to happen...


Ugh I feel like crap. Especially after telling her all my emotions about when I first found out. She just lost a baby she really wanted and I am perfectly fine even though I was not even happy at first. Sounds so unfair doesn't it? I now totally regret telling her  everything because I feel it is hurting her. I told her how sorry I was, but should I just let her be for a while now? I am at a complete loss and even though I know I have no reason to feel guilty for a healthy pregnancy, I still do.


 

Posted on July 25, 2012 at 8:12 am
olga21
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(5) Comments

Canooknic
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07/19/2013
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It's horrible when things like that's happen, I understand why you feel bad but you shouldn't, I would just let her know that you're around if she needs you and give her a little while to grieve xx
Posted on July 25, 2012 at 2:55 pm
olga21
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Thanks Canooknick. I told her that I will be there for her if she needs anything and how sorry I was. I just really hope there will not be any unintentional resentment :( I guess I worry because I know I would probaby feel a bit bitter if it was me. I just wish it did not happen at all.
Posted on July 25, 2012 at 4:19 pm
Legentry
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Legentry

I would definitely give her space.  I'm sure it's hard, especially since they were trying.


I had something similar happen to me recently:


Last month DH and I met up with one of my best friends and her husband to go out in Myrtle Beach.  Her DH was being really quiet and stand offish all night, but I didn't think much of it.  I just thought he was tired or something.


Toward the end of the night, my friend pulled me aside and said, "Hey I'm sorry my husband is acting so strangely tonight but we've been trying to conceive for a while.  We went to a fertility doctor last week.  Right before we came out to meet up with you, he got the message from the doctor saying he was infertile.  His cancer he had when he was a child wiped out any hope of him ever being able to have kids."


I felt sooooooooo terrible after I'd just been flaunting my big preggo belly all over the place.  I wish she had warned me before they arrived via text or something.


It's just one of those things. :-/  DH and I weren't trying either.  It was a surprise for us.  And then here we were talking about how unexpected it was to a couple who desperately wanted to be in our situation.  


It's so heartbreaking in situations like these, and I can't even imagine how it must feel.  ...But miracles happen every day. :)

Posted on July 27, 2012 at 7:01 pm
olga21
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Legentry ohh wow :( That also sounds like a sucky situation. Poor guy must feel so horrible knowing he cannot give his wife a child. I cannot imagine. It hurts women more emotionally, but it really hurts the pride of a man being infertile. So yeah you have a pretty good idea of how crappy I now feel.
My friend seems ok. Her and her husband took a mini vacation (great idea) and are trying to go out to the beach more. She is a tough cookie and she will be ok. I just really hope it will not be awkward for her to talk to me from now on :-/
Posted on July 29, 2012 at 7:20 pm
clipscomb1987
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clipscomb1987

yikes both of these situation sounds sticky :(

Posted on August 4, 2012 at 6:14 am

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