feeling a little psychotic

I've never, EVER thought of myself as controlling or crazy or anything like that, but I think everyone gets to be that way when they're planning a wedding (and mostly by myself!)

There are... about a million things left on my to-do list. And for some reason I'm scared to let Dan (FI) do anything. Like, he won't get it done right or something. I know he's capable and I think he's willing, but I am so used to asking him & it not getting done ontime that I'm being paranoid about it. Example: tuxes. I aske dhim in FEB to go try on styles & pick one out. That didn't get done until 2 weekends ago with me there helping him. None of his GMs have been fitted yet. There still hasn't been a dress shirt decided on. I just want him to take over this aspect so I can focus on party rentals, decorations, getting my dress bustled, sending out the invites, updating our registry (with him), meeting with my hairstylist, meeting with the DJ, meeting with the baker, going (with him) to the jewler to pick out his ring and get his size.

I am starting to go into panic mode. The wedding is June 28th. I'm feeling like I can barely catch up to my "must do's" and I do NOT want to be one of those brides running around all paniced on the big day looking like hell because she's so stressed.

Oh and PS. We have to be cleaned out and done at the location by 9PM. Who is supposed to do all of that???? The caterer isn't even supplying our rentals. Do I hire someone? I'm not going to ask guests to help but I sure as hell don't want to be cleaning that night in a frantic craze with my dress whipping around behind me as I clear tables. (NO WAY!)


Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Posted on May 5, 2008 at 1:06 pm
MrsTongToBe
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d1rtymart1n1
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d1rtymart1n1

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is there a "cleanup" company that normally does it for your venue??

gosh i dont real yhave any good advice

maybe start from the weekend prior to your wedding and work backwards as to "assignments"?? like give Dan a deadline for the shirts, (which we ladies know - is always 2 days before the real one in our heads), another deadline for him to get his ring finger sized, etc

i find with nolan - if i give him a "carrot and then a prize" he will do the work; if i just ask him - then nothing gets done untl i'm at shouting at a top shrill like a lunatic woman with 13 kids running around the mall...

if you're supposed to be out by 9 - what time should you start winding down?? we're supposed to be out by midnight - but we're shutting everything down at 1130 - i do not want to be charged for extra time...
Posted on May 5, 2008 at 1:21 pm
kittnmouse
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mrstong, i actually made a really wonderful and surprising discovery during this whole wedding process... FI's actually more anal than i am!!! i use to be afraid of asking him to do things - especially DIY projects. guys usually just don't have "the touch" or neatness, and coming from a design background, i'm pretty particular about how things should look. but in a moment of overwhelming desperation when we were making our invitations, i asked him for help. for someone who takes his sweet time doing everything else with the wedding (it took him 5 days of half-hearted researching just to order his groomsmen gifts and i finally had to make him just do it already!!!), i found that i could actually trust him to do the DIY projects with the utmost perfection. haha... he might get sidetracked with TV and take 3x as long to finish than i would, but i've learned that he can be trusted. of course everyone is different, but don't be afraid to let your FI know how much you have on your plate and how important it is that he does things on time on correctly... and then trust him to give it a shot :-) now FI's the first one i run to with DIY projects hahaha.
Posted on May 5, 2008 at 6:40 pm
chowbaby
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Hardly psychotic! Weddings are a huge amount of work and there's no way one person can do it on their own. I had a bit of a panic/frustration attack a little while back, and ended up writing down a detailed to-do list for FI ('detailed' is a key word here--just like with grocery lists, you know, have to be specific otherwise you wind up with who knows what). I think we might've even scheduled a day/time when he was supposed to do what was on his to-do list. Or put due dates next to each item? It worked for us, and helped take a load off of me (feeling like I had to do everything otherwise nothing would get done!).

I helps me (and FI too) a LOT of have things down on paper--do you think this would work for you/your FI?
Posted on May 5, 2008 at 7:32 pm
CountryBride
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Thank you so much for sharing how you feel. This is exactly why I decided to join this site, it helps me to know we are all going through the same things. I am scared to death myself that I wont have everything done. It will all work out in the end though I am sure of it. Good luck ladies were all in this together!
Posted on May 6, 2008 at 3:00 am
lipia3
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I'm still waiting for mine to make up his half of the guest list! ( our wedding is in October 08) I've only been telling him he needs to do this for the past 2 months.....so I know what you mean MrsTong.
Posted on May 6, 2008 at 3:29 am
Paddysgirl
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10/05/2008
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I feel your pain. I could have written your post word for word. I am wondering the same thing. I'm not having elaborate decorations for just this reason. I have no idea who is going to gathering all the lanters, votives, containers etc at the end of the night. FI says we'll "press friends into service" but I don't want to do that. I feel weird about asking people to help. Our cateres staff make a lot of money so I don't think I'll ask them to stay to help.

Where is your venue? Do they have a coordinator?

Sorry I don't have any advice. I just wanted you to know you're not alone in wondering what to do.
Posted on May 6, 2008 at 4:26 am
MrsTongToBe
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no coordinator, no clean-up crew, AND it's about 45 minutes out of Sacramento up in the freaking mountains.


=| =| =|

I talked with Dan last night and asked him if he could take over the groomsmen stuff because I just don't have the space in my brain for it. He says "Sure no problem! I mean, the guys don't even have to get fitted until like 2 weeks before so...." Ahhhhh! No! No procrastinating allowed!!!! But at least he knows he has a job.

This weekend I'm going with mom to the baker, then Dan and I are going to the jeweler & meeting with the DJ (another appointment he gets to set up for us) Things are getting done but I'm still kind of antsy. And clean-up is bothering me a lot.
Posted on May 6, 2008 at 4:46 am
HolyMolyMatrimony
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08/31/2008
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Many of us are in the same boat- plus your wedding is coming up quick so you already have it on your mind like crazy! Tell him, I want this done by so and so date please, he would be fine with that.

Lastly, isn't your caterer doing a lot of the setup/ take down??? Thats how I thought it went. Your caterer does a lot of the cleaning, etc. Any important things you need to take with you- cake stand, toasting flutes, etc. will be put aside and you will designate someone to do that for you. Then any rentals, (chairs/tables, etc) will be picked up by your rental company. No one will leave you hanging. Not sure what your venue is, but I would also discuss this with them, as well as your caterer. HTH!

BTW your wedding is on my bridal shower day- so I will be thinking of you :)

- HMM :)
Posted on May 6, 2008 at 4:52 am
theDame
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I would suggest arranging/hiring someone to deal with the wrap up. It would be so worth it not to have to worry or burden your friends and family. The caterer will most likely deal with their stuff but other things like the decorations, your gifts etc won't (and shouldn't... would you trust them?!)

can you ask the venue who they refer/recommend? surely they've got people who can handle it or perhaps this is the time to get a DOC and have them deal with it- good luck!
Posted on May 6, 2008 at 5:07 am
d1rtymart1n1
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ditto on the dame's suggestions about hiring a wrap up crew!

it's your's and dan's special day - and you shouldnt be bustin suds or sweeping!
Posted on May 6, 2008 at 6:19 am
AMiller
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See if you can divy up some of the stuff left on your plate... As for day of clean up I agree with Day of coordinator if you can fit it into the budget or clean up crew?
Posted on May 6, 2008 at 1:23 pm
kellyoshiroevents
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03/29/2008

kellyoshiroevents

Comment has been removed by Project Wedding due to a violation of our Terms of Use
Posted on May 6, 2008 at 3:12 pm
Moogie
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04/03/2008
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I feel your pain! I am in the same boat. I nearly had a panic attack two months ago trying to do everything on my own and my wedding is less than five months away. I finally took a breather to save my sanity.

The best advice I can give to you is to make a to-do list for him and to monitor him like crazy. I.E nag nag and nag. Any other time I would say don't nag but this is a do or die event! All GM related tasks are his responsibilities because like you, I don't have the time to contact his friends etc.

Anyways, good luck because I think we all know how you feel. Just take a breather now and then! And enjoy your day!
Posted on May 6, 2008 at 8:10 pm

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