Feeling defeated before it's even begun
Yesterday I went in for my 3rd and final u/s before my IUI's. Looks like I will do the trigger shot this afternoon (Monday), and then go in for my first IUI tomorrow morning and the second the following morning. While I am excited to do this I'm feeling like a basketcase. I'm full of emotions that I should've done IVF... I keep reading websites that say IUI is not for blocked fallopian tubes or low motility (in males). I'm really trying hard to stay positive, but I'm thinking I chickened out (by not going with IVF first) and decided to do an inappropriate procedure for our diagnoses.
At my last u/s the doc told me that my right side has two mature follicles and my left only has only one that is smaller than the other two. I was instructed to do one more FSH shot last night and do the trigger shot today. As you know my right tube is blocked, so I got very emotional and sad after I left the doctor's office. Anyway, I'm holding onto hope, but if this fails I don't think that I will do it again... I can't imagine trying this over and over. I knew going into this that there was a good chance that my right side would be dominant this month, but I guess I was just hoping that with all of the meds I would be saved! I know I'm not out, I just feel that I'm realistic of how low are chances are this cycle.
I just feel like I'm wasting time and I can't keep waiting and waiting each month (DH tells me I'm the most impatient person he has ever met), but this is just taking way too much of an emotional toll and I'm not even deep into ART's yet. I feel bad... I know that there are much more worse cases out there, of women who have done IVF several times and are still childless, women who have been trying for years and years... I feel selfish sometimes. Ah, I'm just emotional I think... sorry for the rant, but I just had to get this out!