Feeling ignored...

I don't know if any of you are going through this, but I just had to vent.  I'm 36 and getting married in 2 months.  I have six bridesmaids (5 friends and my fiance's sister).  All but one are married and three have kids. I'm starting to feel resentful because I feel like no one gives a crap about my wedding. I was there for them when they got married: was a bridesmaid, bought the dress, shoes, etc, went to the engagement parties, showers, bachelorettes. For some of them I organized and planned these events and put my heart into it.  Now its my turn, and I feel like everyone is too busy with their lives to care about my wedding.  Between jobs, husbands, kids,etc, no one makes the effort to call me and see how I am, if I need anything, or just to chat.  I did this for all of them and I feel like now that they are married they have quickly forgotten how much I was there for them or did for them.  I'm not expecting anyone to bend over backwards, but an email to see how I am doing would be nice. I know people are busy (heck, I was busy with a career when these gals were getting married but still made time for them), but I have not asked them to do ONE thing besides get fitted for their bridesmaids dresses (which I am picking up and bringing to them at my shower) and I am starting to feel like I don't want to ask them to do anything because I will just start to resent them when they tell me they are too busy. I am being selfish? Thanks for your help...

Posted on July 22, 2008 at 5:48 am
jbren215
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10/04/2008
jbren215

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(7) Comments

Chrissy
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06/27/2009
Chrissy

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It seems like they are just being selfish.  Since you are getting started later than they did and they are already past this with kids, probably misreable and unhappy. But........ a true friend would at least fake it. Tell them how you feel maybe it will make them feel embarrassed and realize they are doing you wrong.  You deserve exactly what you gave to them.  Good luck

Posted on July 22, 2008 at 6:02 am
jharks
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10/11/2008
jharks

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I know it isn't what you want to hear, but their kids do have to come first. And with 3, they probably have their hands full. This being the case, maybe you could do something like, well in advance, send out an email asking them all to get sitters on a certain night and you will have a girls night out. You can even say "we can grab some drinks and chat about some wedding details. I had so much fun being in all of your weddings and I am so glad you are all part of mine!" That way you remind them that you were part of their weddings, and when you guys are together, you can bring up details about their wedding prep that they might not even know about. Like "oh my gosh Jenny, remember when I planed the blah for your wedding?? It took me FOREVER to get that planned and I had to drive across the country to find that fab gift I got you..." etc.


Sorry you are sad about this! They do love you, but they are probably super busy, kids are a huge time commitment.

Posted on July 22, 2008 at 6:18 am
Sarahinwonderland
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10/17/2009
Sarahinwonderland

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I am sorry you feel this way. This is definitely the ONE time in a womans life where EVERYTHING should really be about them. I believe that you should send out a letter to them and tell them how you feel. That way they can read it and have time for it to settle instead of getting upset that you are demanding their time God forbid! Just put it out there and let them respond.

Posted on July 22, 2008 at 6:53 am
MrsLDL
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09/20/2008
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Why are bridemaids so annoying? I feel the same way as you jbren215. It's hard not getting the support you need on such an important event in your life especially when you made large efforts for them in the past.  I'm going through the exact same situation with my family and friends.  It's wild how inconsiderate ppl are.  I don't say anything usually to not come off as a bridezilla, but it sucks that it hasn't gone the way I always imagined.  With my family it just seems like they only care about how the wedding will entertain their friends.  With my friends, they care more about their own hair/makeup, dress..how they will entertain themselves when their in town and what they would do for their own wedding (weird!).  I wonder if it's too late for you to mention anything to them.  I wish I can demote my bms or pick new ones.

Posted on July 22, 2008 at 7:04 am
Meowkers
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08/27/2011
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I completely agree with Jharkins.  The best approach is an indirect one.   You don't want to come off as self centered or inconsiderate about your friends' obligations but you also want them to pitch in.  as my jewish mother and grandmother know all too well, GUILT is the best way.  Remind them, (indirectly) of all you did for them.  and even throw in something about how you are so overwhelmed with A, B, and C.  If they are good friends, (which I'm sure they are), they will offer to help.


THis reminds me a conversation I had with one of my best friends not too long ago.  A wedding is an exciting time for any girl and all her friends and family are very happy for her.  But the reality is, NO ONE will ever care as much about that wedding and all the details that go along with it as much as the bride, (and maybe her mother).  I love my best friends dearly and they are definitely there when I need them to be but at the end of the day I always try to remind myself that this is "my show" and I simply cannot expect them to obsess and think about it the way I do.

Posted on July 22, 2008 at 7:10 am
FromMs.toMrs.
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03/28/2009
FromMs.toMrs.

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Could it be that they might not notice that they are not being as helpful as you would like them to be? Possibly the span of time? Is your engagement shorter or longer than theirs?


My situation is similar when it comes to inactive bridesmaids. I haven't been able to gather all my bridesmaids for a single group meeting as of yet because of busy schedules - and on top of that they hadn't ordered their dresses untilI let them know that the style had gone out of stock.


Comments like "How did you manage at 2 months out, back when you were planning your wedding?" will definetly steer a conversation and encourage the response of "how can I help?".  This might be the push they need to start helping you out.

Posted on July 22, 2008 at 7:47 am
lipia3
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10/11/2008
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OMG I hear you loud and clear.....I am in the same boat as you are. Both of my sisters are married (1 of them is on #3) and I helped them out a lot.  Now, it seems that whenever I rbing ANYTHING up about my wedding, it gets kicked to the curb.  I have one sister in particular who is real bad.  My mom (who has been wonderful) says it's because the day is "not about her".  We have gone to her house in the past to try to organize things and she would shoot down every idea I had.  The last time I checked this is MY wedding.  I am 39 and getting married for the 1st time in October.  I am excited and just wish there could be someone other than my mom to share in my excitement.  My sister even had the nerve to  make a comment that the church and reception site are in 2 different towns (there about 15 minutes apart...tops!) My MOH is great and my daughter and soon to be stepdaughter are my BM's.  Now my daughter is only 15, so it's pretty limited as to what she can do.  However, my stepdaughter, who got married this past April has offered to do NOTHING in regards to my shower or anything.

Posted on July 22, 2008 at 7:54 am

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