FI's todo list?

hi girls! i know some of you have expressed that your FI isn't doing much but what do you think FI should do and prepare for the wedding? my wedding is now 4 months away and my FI hasn't done anything other than meeting some vendors and getting addresses. i would like to know what your FI's todo list looks like. please share!! TIA:)
Posted on April 10, 2008 at 5:58 am
kbaby
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08/30/2008
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jess143
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09/19/2009
jess143

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hahah WHAT to do list? He hasn't even asked his groomsmen to be in the wedding! AND I had to find his gifts for them!
Posted on April 10, 2008 at 6:02 am
prbetsi75
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05/08/2010
prbetsi75

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hahaha. I couldn't help laughing either. My FI's to do list will be 1) get names and addresses for his guests. 2) Pick out his tux for himself and his groomsmen. And I think it'll take him FOREVER to do those two little things - and only after much nagging and harassing.

men!
Posted on April 10, 2008 at 6:10 am
PunkRockWedding
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05/10/2008
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PunkRockWedding

Hm...
Fiance... ordered rings
Gave me the idea for STDs
Arranged all of sound system/microphones/generator/lighting for our wedding
Arranged all bands (organized, scheduled, etc.)
Helped me order invitations
Chose location
Helped pick cake
Helped pick photographer
Helped pick caterer
Picked tuxes, got all of groomsmen's measurements
Helped pick flowers
Helped create registry (including getting up early on Saturdays to go to the stores)
Helped pick ketubah/chuppah, and all ceremony items.
Got passport (involving a drive to another county to get his birth certificate)

Is currently:
writing vows
brewing fifteen gallons of beer for our wedding
writing a song for our first dance (to surprise me with)

All while working 7 days a week at two jobs.

I'd say we split everything 50/50, but it can change from couple to couple. He wanted to be VERY involved, but I don't think it matters how much he does as long as he feels as much a part of it as he wants to and it reflects you both. I feel like I got lucky that he wanted to have his fingers in everything (even though sometimes I just wanted to go take care of something and he asked me to wait until he could take work off or whatever to be there.)


p.s. I have the worst wedding website internet addiction right now. Is this because I only have one month until the wedding? I need to stop.
Posted on April 10, 2008 at 6:13 am
JDWeddingDay
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09/06/2008
JDWeddingDay

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No set to-do list for my FI except for hand cancelling save the dates and invites - his main role has been communicating with his parents about stuff on their to-do list (e.g., getting guest-book cloth, buying wine and champagne, providing addresses and Chinese translation of invitation, talking with the reception venue), which has been very helpful. In addition to accompanying me on a few key vendor visits (videographer and cake) and providing input when asked, he also built our wedding website from scratch. Other things on his "to do" list are really things that I'll do, and get his help on, like choosing pictures for slideshow, music for the ceremony, reception and wedding video. So I guess it's a closely supervised to-do list =)
Posted on April 10, 2008 at 6:16 am
alybrand
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07/17/2008
alybrand

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Well, he at least finally asked his groomsmen! I by passed asking him to get addresses and called his mom and misc. friends myself! He was supposed to be looking for a DJ, but I went ahead and emailed some. He saw how much they cost & said he didn't want one anymore because they cost too much... (Well if he only knew how much we are spending on other things that cost more than a DJ, he wouldn't want a wedding anymore!) SO, my attempts have failed. The one thing I won't do is pick out what he is wearing (I might nudge along) but he is very picky on what he and his friends will wear. Hopefully he will get some motivation here soon, ha ha.
Posted on April 10, 2008 at 6:16 am
beatie
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10/11/2008
beatie

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Beyond getting the names/addresses to me (check), asking his groomsmen to be in the wedding (basically a check), picking out tuxes, buying my wedding band, deciding what to get his guys as a gift (note this doesn't necessarily mean he'll actually get them himself), and helping me decide on all the important ceremony/dance songs, I pretty much expect to do most everything else. What I've learned works best is to do a ton of research, narrow things down to two or three options that I like, and then ask his opinion on them. I've also learned to ask just how important a certain aspect of the wedding is to him. If it's not important, then I know that I can make any decision I want. Take cake for instance. We're doing our tasting this Saturday. I asked him if the way the cake LOOKED was really important to him or if it only mattered how it tasted. He doesn't really care how it looks, thus I know I don't have to consult him when talking design with the baker!

He DID build our wedding web site from scratch all on his own! :)
Posted on April 10, 2008 at 6:18 am
Paddysgirl
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10/05/2008
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I was nagging him just last night about this and he says, "(sniff), well I looked for venues early on and I wrote down a list of songs for the DJ." Um, yeah, and I did about 13 million other things;-) I really just don't think he even comprehends how much time I've put into getting this all together. I have to nag him about his list of addresses and he only just asked his best friend to be a groomsman(because I organized the dinner with him). So, his to-do list? Nothing, but get his cute lil' self to the venue on time.
Posted on April 10, 2008 at 6:25 am
kristeen
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11/22/2008
kristeen

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Beatie - I would have typed the same exact thing about my fiance :)
Posted on April 10, 2008 at 6:29 am
its.nicsknack
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08/31/2008
its.nicsknack

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Ya, FI thinks he's doing a lot. In reality, his biggest role has been a big "budgetzilla" as Lori puts it :) Other than that, I've assigned him to take care of the DJ, entertainment (Belly Dancer), and book our Honeymoon flight. He has only completed one of those tasks...argh. We are less than 5 months away and still have no DJ and no belly dancer. I'm not that worried about the dancer, but the DJ has me stressin' a little. Oh, and he still needs to figure out the whole tux thing. I'm sure his list will have a few more added items as we get closer, but nothing big.
Posted on April 10, 2008 at 6:38 am
beatie
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10/11/2008
beatie

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It's funny...I've found that if I email him what I need him to do and label them "action items", he's more apt to complete them! :) Treat it like his job and he becomes very task-oriented!
Posted on April 10, 2008 at 6:42 am
civiccigol
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05/24/2009
civiccigol

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Hahaha...so far he's only cared about the DJ and the food options. Oh and he's taken an interest in picking out gifts for his groosmen too. Anything other than that, he just says "tell me the time and I'll show up."
Posted on April 10, 2008 at 6:44 am
abattyref
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10/06/2007
abattyref

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He started the process with the whole "it's your wedding, you make all the decisions" line. I had to reel him in and remind him that I wasn't that kind of bride... even though I ended up doing most everything anyway. To give him a little credit, he was completely unprepared for all the expenses and details that are involved in planning a large event. Where I actually had experience in event planning before. Plus there were many items where he really didn't care what we had; like flowers, centerpieces, programs, and decorations.



As was mentioned before, the best way to keep him involved was to narrow all the choices down to 2 or 3 items and have him choose.



In the end these were his tasks:



- Reserve and plan the rehearsal dinner. (after I gave him a short list of potential restaurants)

- Decide on the reception menu

- Decide on and buy his groomsmen gifts and ties

- Buy a suit for the ring bearer

- Reserve and coordinate with the DJ

- Arrange and coordinate the Lion Dancers (the only thing he had to have)



He also kept his mom from going crazy with her guest list without me having to say anything. And he fielded all the questions and requests from his aunts and uncles as to why were weren't doing everything traditionaly Chinese.


And he kept me grounded and sane throughout the whole process.
Posted on April 10, 2008 at 7:57 am
married2mrwright
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09/29/2007
married2mrwright

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My FI didn't do much for our wedding (besides but the e-ring! LOL!). He got me addresses for guests (after much harassment) and did help me stamp our invites and mail them out. Uh...I think that was it! LOL! He did say "yay" or "nay" to some of my design/decor ideas. I found his suit and shirt for him, but he did take care of getting them tailored on his own. He helped me come up with the play list for our reception CDs, but I downloaded and burned all of the music on my own.

Once in Hawaii he rocked! He cooked at our Welcome BBQ and was great at helping keep people calm and organized. Also with packing stuff and getting to ready to ship home from Hawaii (we shipped all of our blue glassware over there!). And he took care of business with our rental car when it was FUBAR in Maui and got us a fantastic upgrade to the best convertible they had on the lot.

In all honestly, I knew that I'd be planning the whole thing myself and was okay with it. He was on the road 3 weeks of every month during most of our engagement, so his capacity to participate was limited greatly by that as well.
Posted on April 10, 2008 at 7:58 am
HolyMolyMatrimony
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08/31/2008
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I'm in the same boat. But my question is why do they feel that they really "do" so much- they have NO idea!!! haha I'm going crazy, I get help from no one!

- He made the Save the dates
- Goes to vendor meetings

His current to do is:
- Plan the honeymoon
- Make the sideshows, get pics scanned, etc.
- Give me money haha
....but lets see what really gets done :)

- HMM :)
Posted on April 10, 2008 at 8:56 am
jersey
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04/25/2008
jersey

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We did a lot of DIY so he printed the invites,the envolopes,the place setting cards,the favor envolopes coming with me for tuxes.lol...I just got into a lil spat because I asked him what he did and he thought I was saying he didnt do anythin LOLOLOL....men
Posted on April 10, 2008 at 9:15 am
Ms.Sumomo
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06/24/2007
Ms.Sumomo

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FI helped on a lot of stuff. He was nonchalant on a lot of areas but helpful nonetheless.

1. He picked the cake design and flavors.
2. Helped on Menu
3. Musics - his big project
4. Helped on Making all of our DIY projects.
5. Got addresses
6. Seating chart
7. Got his GMs measurements for the barong
8. Bought GMs shoes and pants
9. Helped me on every decision making...even flowers:-)
Posted on April 10, 2008 at 9:20 am
kbaby
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08/30/2008
kbaby

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thanks for all your input. right now i really need him to take care of the tuxes, rehearsal dinner, music and slide show selections. he really doesn't understand why i keep having wedding dreams or i'm addicted to PW! he keeps saying, i'll show up with my gms, we won't need to do much else!
Posted on April 10, 2008 at 10:20 am
theDame
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01/01/2008
theDame

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I'll be happy if he gets his suit, gets his hair cut and takes care of the ring!
Posted on April 10, 2008 at 11:27 am
smilkova
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05/31/2008
smilkova

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FI was been very very helpful! He is the one who wants a wedding so he's been very involved. The only thing is, he has a different idea of timing and scheduling things, his philosophy is "we'll do those things when the time comes" so he's never in a hurry to move on to the next item on our to do list!
Posted on April 10, 2008 at 12:36 pm
Paddysgirl
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10/05/2008
Paddysgirl

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I have no idea why they think they do so much;-) I will say(so I'm not just bagging on him without appreciating his good qualities) that my FI has listened with interest to every little detail I bring up. If I say, "I need you to look at this" he will. He reads all the emails I sent him about this or that and I think he actually looks at all the sites I send(like photographer, DJ, officiant etc.) because he has thougtful comments about each. He's not just B.S.-ing me. So, he ain't all that bad. I think I'll the guy;-)
Posted on April 10, 2008 at 1:08 pm
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