FMIL is making me really upset - long :-(

So I was really hoping that this wouldn't happen to me, but I had no such luck.  Here's the scoop:


My mom and I spent several days looking at places to have the reception.  I want to get married in the church in which I grew up, so that limits the area where we can have the reception.  We decided that Allentown Symphony Hall would be a perfect place to hold the reception.  I work in Symphony Administration and have connections with people, AND the space is the nicest that I have seen by far.  We can even have a cocktail reception ON THE STAGE, which is really beautiful and unique.  It is in Downtown Allentown, PA.  I know most of you are Cali girls, so that doesn't mean much, but Allentown has poverty issues, and many neighborhoods close to Symphony Hall aren't so great, but we have all the wealthiest people from the area regularly coming to the Symphony at night and we have never had any problems with crime.  So ANYWAY, FMIL called FI and said that she REALLY didn't want us to have the reception there because it was so unsafe and she got so upset about it that she was crying hysterically to him over the phone.  FI's cousin (who lives close to Allentown), talked to her and agreed with her that the area was bad.  And they are BOTH convinces that no one will come because they will think it is too unsafe.  I was just crying to FI on the phone about this.  My mom has been SO patient and understanding so far, and she thinks that the Symphony is a wonderful place, and we have spent a lot of time weeding through other venues.  I don't know how to tell her that FMIL hates the idea.  And I have my heart set on it.  Doesn't it mean anything what the BRIDE really wants?  People always say their biggest regrets are not going with their gut and compromising to make other people happy.  FI and I both love the venue, and we can't see ourselves having it anywhere else, and now she is ruining that for us.


Anyway, I don't know what to do right now, but I am really hoping that it will work out somehow.

Posted on September 14, 2008 at 4:29 pm
Laceandlove
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08/08/2009
Laceandlove

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(13) Comments

Sarahinwonderland
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10/17/2009
Sarahinwonderland

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Aw I am sorry. But I do think you should stick with it. It sounds like you two really love the area. Just do it. You cant make everyone happy so focus on making yourselves happy. This is, in fact, your wedding so you are allowed to do that. Don't feel bad, imagine if you compromised to make others happy. What fun would that be?

Posted on September 14, 2008 at 4:36 pm
march21bride
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03/21/2009
march21bride

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march21bride

Has your FMIL been able to see the Symphony Hall and the area around it? If she sees it it might change her opinion about it. If you and your FI are happy with the location though I would say stick with it...I know that's easier said then done though.

Posted on September 14, 2008 at 4:40 pm
d1rtymart1n1
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12/04/2009
d1rtymart1n1

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hugs to you and sorry about the drama...


do not budge on this - next she will be telling you how to keep your house - rearranging your cupboards, telling you how to raise your kids, etc...  ok - excuse the hyperbole - but really - if your heart is set on this - and this is "the venue" ---> girl stick to your guns!!! 


i certainly doubt anyone would not attend just b/c of their perception of the vicinity...


 


case in point---> while this is a different scenario, USC is located in downtown LA, some of the surrounding areas are not great - but tell me how every year, thousands and thousands of people send in their college applications...  b/c THAT is where they want to attend...   same sort of analogy here - people who will want to celebrate WITH YOU TWO will attend!!!


hugs from CALI!!

Posted on September 14, 2008 at 4:47 pm
RebelBride
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09/27/2008
RebelBride

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I am so sorry to hear the troubles you are having. I agree with the ladies- have your FMIL out to see the venue. Show her the parking area (assuming that there is one). People are going to drive from the highway to the parking and not stop in the surrounding areas. Most people know that venues like concert halls, stadiums, schools (like USC- Fight On Trojans!) are not always in the best neighborhoods but they are going from point A to point B. If she is so scared, maybe you can hire private security for the parking area so that guests will feel safe leaving their cars. I would ask her if she has been there lately to see a performance and if there was any trouble.


I hope you can work it out. Go with your gut, if you love the place book it. She will get over it. It's your and your FI's wedding, not hers. People will come. And if they don't because they feel it's unsafe, then you don't want them there anyway.

Posted on September 14, 2008 at 5:40 pm
3monkeys
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08/02/2008
3monkeys

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OMG, iam sorry to hear! why is family so hard to deal with! aghhhh, hope you sort it all out, remember it is your & your FI's wedding!!! no one elses! good luck.... 

Posted on September 14, 2008 at 7:33 pm
jackieg
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04/17/2009
jackieg

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i went through something similar with my future in-laws....they veto'd every venue we liked until...shocker....THEY picked one in the city RIGHT NEXT to where his loco sister lives...ugh....stick to your guns!!

Posted on September 15, 2008 at 2:36 am
prbetsi75
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05/08/2010
prbetsi75

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Yes, as the others have said - stick to your guns.  She'll get over it!  Once she sees that you and your FI are not budging no matter how many tears she sheds, she'll learn to like it. 

Posted on September 15, 2008 at 3:51 am
sandposi
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05/16/2009
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For sure stick to your guns! I just went to a wedding where the couple wanted to be married by the same minister as their parents. He would only conduct the ceremony in a super sketchy part of the city, because that was where his current church was. We live in the city and knew it was bad, but didn't at all care. In fact, everybody showed up and we had a blast. People don't really care where the location is, they usually just want to be around everybody and have fun! Tell her to loosen up!


 

Posted on September 15, 2008 at 4:58 am
Laceandlove
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08/08/2009
Laceandlove

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UPDATE: So FI's mom called my mom (What are we, 5 year olds?) to complain about the venue, but my mom stuck to her guns!!  And in other news: FI didn't talk to me AT ALL yesterday (he was out of town and ignoring my calls), and I was kinda sad, but I figured he needed some space.  So then this morning he showed up at work with GORGEOUS flowers, and took me out to lunch!! 


So I guess things are improving

Posted on September 16, 2008 at 8:19 am
d1rtymart1n1
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12/04/2009
d1rtymart1n1

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YAY for flowers!!


Boooo for her calling your mom


you'll see when it comes to certain things - you and your FI have to stand as a united front - like in that song --- "me and you against the world"...  yes we should always respect our parents, but guess what - they should respect us as well, not just as their kids, but as the grown ass adults we are!


trust me - your FMIL will get over it!!


now get back to planning missy!! there are many DIY things you should be thinkin about!! =)  =)


hugs!

Posted on September 16, 2008 at 8:23 am
cootiebug
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01/31/2009
cootiebug

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Aww. I really hope things get better. :[ Sounds like your FI is trying but it is hard when he is in the middle! I know the feeling haha!


I think the best advice I was given was..."Have the wedding your way!" Its your day! You should have it how you imagined it to be. You already have it set in your heart that you want to have your wedding at the Venue so you should! You do not ever want to regret that you didn't take advantage of your situation. If the FMIL wants to be picky.. tell her to pay for the venue. Its your wedding and I am sure it will work out wonderfully! Sounds like your mom is on your side and it willing to fight along your side! :]

Posted on September 16, 2008 at 8:25 am
mhanna22
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07/12/2014
mhanna22

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I know PA and I go to Allentwon at least twice a year...and I have NEVER been worried about being robbed...there are worse places...Hope everything works out for you!!!!

Posted on September 16, 2008 at 8:31 am
kblove
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07/11/2009
kblove

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first of all-- PEOPLE WILL COME.  that balogna for her to say they woudln't.  do not let her talk to into that.  if you love it, that's where it should be. sorry you are in a rough spot *hugs*

Posted on September 16, 2008 at 10:07 am

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