FMIL VENT & ADVICE NEEDED: Bagpipers, really??

Okay, I need to vent! I just don't know what to do and I need some advice from you wonderful ladies. :) Here's the situation. About a month ago when myself, my FI, my mom and my FMIL were at the food tasting for our venue, my FMIL brings up out the blue, "Oh, by the way, you're having bagpipers!". I was like, "huh?" I looked at my FI and he hadn't heard about it until that moment too.

Apparently, since my FI is part Irish, Danish, and Scottish, it's some family tradition that they have bagpipers at every family wedding and funeral. Okay, great. However, my FI and I have been together for nearly 7 1/2 years and this is the FIRST I have ever heard about bagpipers and this family tradition. The last family funeral was back in 2004 and yes, FI said there were bagpipers. There haven't been any family weddings he's attended in the past 10 years though, so I don't know as far as that goes. But again, this is my first time ever hearing about bagpipers or ever hearing about any family traditions, for that matter. 

So, I'm sitting there and of course my mom goes, "Oh, I love bagpipes, it's so beautiful". I'm cringing at this point. I've heard bagpipes and I'm just not a huge fan and it really doesn't fit in with our wedding at all. We had already decided to have an acoustic guitar player during pre-ceremony, ceremony and exit. Then onto DJ for cocktail hour and reception. So my FMIL chooses 4 1/2 months prior to the wedding to spring on us that we're having bagpipers as well?? She is going to pay for it, isn't that fabulous? So thoughtful, lol. 

I've talked FI about it and he really couldn't care less either way, so obviously this tradition isn't such a big deal after all (which is what I suspected). So, we just kind of dropped the whole topic and it wasn't mentioned again until last Sunday. I was kinda hoping it would just go away since I explained our music plans to her. Well, no such luck, she informed us on Sunday that she found the perfect bagpiper and she's going to meet with him within the next 2 weeks to finalize everything. Um, what?? NO!

So, now I'm really pissed. I mean, from the very beginning she should have started this process differently. Don't just TELL us we are having something at OUR wedding, why not ask? I would probably feel differently about the whole thing at this point if she broached the subject better. She could have explained this "tradition" and asked if that's something we wouldn't mind incorporating into the wedding however we chose. But no, it was just decided without either of our knowledge. So, I remind her we have the guitarist and she says, "Oh, we'll have them work out the arrangement of things or the bagpiper can just do the whole ceremony." AHHHH!!! FI says he's going to just tell her it's a no go on the bagpiper. But, then I feel bad and think, should I just let it go and incorporate it somehow or should I stick to my guns?

Other than this situation my FMIL and I really do have a good relationship and always have. It's just that things are starting to get to me with all the wedding planning. First she chose a completely different color dress from I asked her to get (which I have just decided to let go, it's not worth the trouble asking her to change), but now this?? It will really have an impact on the whole wedding! She is in remission from her third bout with breast cancer, so FI and I tread lightly with things. I know she means well but...GAH! 

So, should I let my FI go ahead and tell her we don't see how bagpipes are going to fit in to the whole wedding timeline at this point or should I let in and just go with it?? I'll tell you though, I'm really not going to be happy if I have the bagpipes. It's just not how I imagined my wedding, call me selfish or whatever. If I knew this was important to my FI I wouldn't even question it, but he doesn't care either way. I mean where and when would the bagpipes even play?? For 10 minutes while people are being seated prior to ceremony or something, it just doesn't even seem worth it.

So, what do you ladies think? Bagpipes or no bagpipes? Or any suggestions to make both of us happy (if that's possible! lol). Thanks for letting me vent!!

*On a side note, I have nothing against bagpipers, the tradition, or anything Irish/Scottish related. I'm part Irish as well. I just see bagpipes more for funerals, or at traditional Irish/Scottish weddings. They're just not really my thing.

Posted on June 15, 2010 at 11:08 am


  • 5
  • 19
  • 6.31k

(22) Comments



  • 4
  • 15
  • 3.71k


I would have the bagpipes, I know she has not approached you tactfully but soon she will be family.

I have been to several weddings with them, where it works well is

  • as you leave the church and continue to play while you are having photos taken

  • when you come into reception after the receiving line

If they are played well they can be fantastic. Don't waste time getting stressed over this concentrate on the enjoyment of the run up to 'W' day so that is what you remember.

H x

Posted on June 16, 2010 at 3:24 am


Comment has been removed by Project Wedding due to a violation of our Terms of Use
Posted on February 4, 2014 at 6:43 pm
« 1 2 »

Have a question? Contact Support
Top Contributors this Week
6 posts
2 posts
1 post
1 post
1 post