From MIL to Mom

My FMIL already wants me to start calling her mom. I told her that I would try getting used to it so I could start after we get married. Honestly, I don't know if I could. Don't get me wrong, I love my FMIL to pieces, but I have a mom and I would feel awkward calling anyone other than my mom, mom. I know for a fact I couldn't call her mom in front of my mother. I think it would hurt my mother's feelings. I don't want to offend my mother or FMIL. Has anyone felt this way before?

Posted on July 24, 2008 at 6:40 am
SandP09
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(31) Comments

Paddysgirl
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10/05/2008
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I couldn't do it. It would feel awkward. Thankfully she has already said she doesn't expect it.

Posted on July 24, 2008 at 6:44 am
beatie
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Ah, that's an awkward one, P!  Does your mom know about this?  If so, what does she say about it?  Do you call your mom "mom" or something else?  Maybe you can do a different version of what you call your own mom??  Yikes...sorry!!

Posted on July 24, 2008 at 6:47 am
Meowkers
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I couldn't do it either. 

Posted on July 24, 2008 at 6:48 am
txbride08
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Blah, yeah I am weirded out by that!

Posted on July 24, 2008 at 6:49 am
jharks
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I can't do it. It is hard enough to call her by her first name (I was raised in a house where all adults are to be adressed as "Mr. fill-in" or "Mrs. Fill-in"


 

Posted on July 24, 2008 at 6:50 am
ShopGirl
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I know how you feel. I also found it very difficult to call my MIL "mom" after we were married but i had to otherwise she'd think i was being disrespectful. Well @ least his parents are overseas majority of the time. I'm sure i'll get used to it over time.

Posted on July 24, 2008 at 6:54 am
SandP09
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I had mentioned it to my mom once and she jokingly said (even though I knew she wasn't really joking) "Noo, I'm your mom!" I've tried calling FMIL mom recently, and it just didn't come out right. It was so unnatural. FI has no problem calling my mother, mom. And to top it off, I'm expected to call FFIL dad too!!

Posted on July 24, 2008 at 6:55 am
jharks
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What about calling them something like  "Momma Jones" (or whatever their last name is). Or if they are really insistant, call her Mom2 and Dad2 )"Mom two"

Posted on July 24, 2008 at 7:03 am
mt51
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I can't do it either. I only have one mom and she is the only person I will call "mom." My fsil calls her by her first name. I might just do the same.

Posted on July 24, 2008 at 7:05 am
SandP09
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That's an idea. In the Indian culture, you call all the elder women Aunties. So right now I call her by her first name followed by Auntie. I could just replace auntie with mom.

Posted on July 24, 2008 at 7:05 am
MissQnomore
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whoa that is awkward P!!  i have a hard time too when FMIL gets off the phone telling me she loves me.  i only do that with my parents like 50% of the time.


i can totally see why that would bother your mom.

Posted on July 24, 2008 at 7:06 am
hulaprncs18
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paola.. id have a hard time too.. at it would totally feel awkward to me.  mama, papa could work,but i dont know.. have you and fi talked about it.  what does he think?

Posted on July 24, 2008 at 7:09 am
SandP09
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I know, it totally sucks! :( I thought about calling her mom only when my mom isn't around because I don't want to upset her. But then again, I think FMIL will catch on and then I run the risk of disrespecting her. I haven't spoken to my FI about it yet. I don't think he sees it as a big deal. He'll probably think I'm making a big deal out of nothing, like he usually does! haha

Posted on July 24, 2008 at 7:12 am
ceejaydee7
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i call my hubbys mom "ma" BUT when my mom is around i say it really softly so my mom doesnt hear HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH


i know my mom wont mind.. but it makes me feel weird!

Posted on July 24, 2008 at 7:49 am
WMforever
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wierd! i would totalyl feel awkward too. good thing my FMIL is ok with me calling her Vivi. Its better than Mrs. So and So in her eyes. I like that "Mama So and So" idea. My aunt used to call her MIL "Mami Teresa" instead of mom or grammy when talking to her kids. Hopefully you can find something you're comfortable with!

Posted on July 24, 2008 at 7:56 am
HeLovesMe
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Ya I think I'd feel wierd too. My FMIL hasnt said anything about me calling her mom. I also think my mom would have a SHIT FIT if I did call FMIL "MOM". I dont need the bitching. I'm sure I'll think of something to call my FMIL. When I reffer to her sometimes as my SUEGRA (MIL in spanish).

Posted on July 24, 2008 at 8:37 am
HolyMolyMatrimony
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08/31/2008
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I call mine by her name, I know where all of you are coming from....


SOMETIMES I will say mom in a situation/ or mommy #2 in a cute way, but thats about it.  Its not HER, its just hard to do in general I guess....?


- HMM :)


 

Posted on July 24, 2008 at 8:38 am
abattyref
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yeah, it just feels awkward saying it. I'm supposed to call her "ma" now that we're married, but it just never comes out right, so I just call her by her first name. Which I know is not cool in Chinese culture. But she seems alright with it though and has never corrected me.


I'm going to work on it though. Years ago when DH and I first talked about getting hitched his mom was going though a rough patch with one of her friends. This friend's mother was dying and refused to talk to her own son because he'd married a white girl. My MIL took it really hard and had a heart-to-heard with DH telling him that she wants whomever he decides to marry to call her "mom". It was her way of letting him know that she didn't care who he married, as long as she made him happy.


So, yeah, I'm going to work on calling her "ma," but I'm pretty sure it'll only be that. There's only one "mom" in my life.

Posted on July 24, 2008 at 8:47 am
JustAnothrBridezilla
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09/13/2008

JustAnothrBridezilla

wow-awkward so sorry! I just say call my MIL mother in law and call her by her name she never said anything

Posted on July 24, 2008 at 8:52 am
AMiller
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I can't imagine calling my FMIL mom. We are really close but that's weird to me. I tell her I love her and stuff but she's Rob's mom not mine. I call her by her first name and his dad I call Mr. Bruce because that's what she calls him. I think my mom would be upset if I called anyone else mom because thats a title reserved only for her.

Posted on July 24, 2008 at 11:17 am
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