FRUSTRATED

I have two 18 year old daughters. They have both suddenly decided they are gonna get married in Ceb 2014. Yep both of them in the same month. I am so frustrated. I financially cant do two weddings in the same month on top of planning mine. It is like they are racing to get married just to say they are married. I am frustrated beyond words. I have always wanted them to have the wedding of their dreams but it is completely impossible. One says they are going to do something small now and do a bigver wedding later. I cant understand at 18 what the rush is. Why not wait until you can afford it. Her bf doesnt even work. The other one she dont care who is there and who isnt. Ifs absurd. The one who says they will have a bigger wedding later starts college in Jan. I already pay her car payment, car insurance and will be paying all her bills in her apartment. I am so angry at them both right now.
Posted on December 14, 2013 at 7:23 pm
KimandByron
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04/25/2015
KimandByron

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(11) Comments

aggiebride
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02/04/2012
aggiebride

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Wow! that is a lot to deal with. I know it is important to support your children, but it sounds like a time to put your foot down and let them pay for it themselves if they want it now. My parents told me I could get married after I finished my degree, and THEN they would help me pay for both, but if I chose to get married at the end of high school, I was on my own. I was glad to wait, and honestly it helped solidify DH and my relationship. It is in our DNA to rush into things as teenagers, but it is up to the adults around us to reasonable state what they will and will not do. 

I hope that helps!

Posted on December 15, 2013 at 2:15 am
Eucalypt
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04/06/2014
Eucalypt

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 So you as their Mum are getting married too? What a dilemma, but as aggiebride has already stated if that's their choice and are unwilling to bend, I would definitely let them plan and organise their own wedding. They'll soon find out how much planning and money is involved and maybe, just maybe they'll take a step back and see the reality of it all and be a little bit more consdierate of you and your situation. It's wonderful that you have 2 daughters that want to get married. I have just the one who would dearly love to be married, but her significant other does not, so I won't get to see her as a bride which is disappointing and saddens me. But good luck with your situation and I hope this helps.

Posted on December 15, 2013 at 1:12 pm
zeuster
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11/01/2011
zeuster

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zeuster

I feel for you. I think kids have no concept of how much things cost. Can you sit with them and make up a spread sheet with all the expenses (real bills) then wedding?

Maybe let them know once they are married you will not be responsible for the car insurance and the like? and whats the plan to pay for college and all the other bills of real life? What if the car breaks down and you cant get to school or work? how are you going to pay for it?

My 18 year old son goes to college about an hour away from home. He wanted to live at home because it was so close. But we made him go live in the dorm.  He took some of his money for school and got a $500 tatoo. And now hes wondering how hes going to buy books for spring classes. I told him he can take a temp job over christmas break or he can go to his bank and see if they will give him a loan. But he needs to figure out. Lesson 1 in being a grown up.

I hope you can have a conversation with your daughters and  work it  out.

 

Posted on December 15, 2013 at 2:02 pm
holly_marie_53
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03/06/2014
holly_marie_53

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 Let them take of their weddings at their own expense! Or ask them to put off their weddings until a later date- after their wedding. I'm not much older than they are, I'm 19. But if they were my girls, I'd tell them they need to take care of their own wedding plans and expenses. They need to learn. My mom is a single mom of 3 and Im the oldest. So I'm paying for half of my wedding expenses. 

Posted on December 15, 2013 at 7:02 pm
Canooknic
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07/19/2013
Canooknic

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 I absolutely agree with the other ladies, if they want to be married now they need to foot the bill themselves.

i also totally agree with zeuster - if they're grown up enough to be married then they're grown up enough to pay their own bills!

Posted on December 15, 2013 at 7:08 pm
jmbuss9
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07/22/2012
jmbuss9

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That is alot to deal with. You sure don't need the extra stress. I also agree with Zeuster. Sit them down and go over the finances of getting married and how much it cost and then double it and ask them how they think you would be able to afford that? 

 

Hopefully it will help and then they will understand. Goodluck!

Posted on December 16, 2013 at 9:47 am
KimandByron
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KimandByron

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Thanks ladies. Ive tried to get them to put their weddings off. The think I should put mine off and pay for theirs because its the brides parents job. The one going to college is taking out a student loan in order to pay for her rent, car and ins a few months in advance. I dont want her getting in debt with student loans but I cant do it. I am going to sit down and talk to them bith this week.
Posted on December 16, 2013 at 9:53 am
Sammy_D
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09/10/2011
Sammy_D

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Hold the phone! "It's the bride's parent's job"??? Um NO! I say this as a bride and as a woman - that's a straight up entitlement attitude and she's in for a real wake-up call when she hits the real world. You've been beyond nice to these girls, helping them with bills and rent, many people don't have that luxury. It's fantastic that you want to help your kids, and kudos to you that you are able to, but at some point they need to understand adult life and everything that comes with it.

Lord knows my mom helped me out a ton, but once she was unable to, then guess what? I got a job, worked all the time and I'll be paying off student loans for many, many years! A wedding is just one of those things that you work hard and save for, if you want something more than a courthouse wedding. It's a party, a non-essential decoration that is a want, not a need.

I'm not a parent, so take this all with a grain of salt, but I think it's high time Momma laid down the law with these girls, I know we would be behind you 100 percent here!

Posted on December 16, 2013 at 12:21 pm
holly_marie_53
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03/06/2014
holly_marie_53

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 I'm nineteen and still live at home with my mom and will until March when I get married. She still has my two younger sibling to take care of when I leave. I actually wasn't expecting her to be able to help pay for the wedding. So I was prepared to figure out a way to pay for it. Her and I have both been sharing the cost (boy am I appreciative! Weddings are so much money!). Your girls are being ungreatful and selfish. It's not fair to you. Lay down the law and let them know what the deal is. I personally think if they say they can't wait long enough to postpone it, they can pay for it themselves. Or they can go down to the courthouse, and have a real wedding later. Or just WAIT. Patience is a virtue (:

Posted on December 16, 2013 at 12:33 pm
mzdannic86
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05/17/2014
mzdannic86

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 I say sometimes as parents we have to be selfish...and especially when you already are doing so much. If they feel they just have to be married why dont you recommend a double reception after they both get married at the justice of the piece? That way you can focus on your nuptials. 

Posted on December 16, 2013 at 7:24 pm
Uhlease
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09/02/2012
Uhlease

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 So sorry to hear you're dealing with this Kim! I can't imagine how hard it must be. But I def agree with the ladies on this one. If they think they are ready for marriage-then they have to be ready for adult life which included paying all your own bills! And nowhere does it say it's a brides parents job to pay for their wedding. I honestly see this as a sign that they're not ready, but how do u tell that to them!? Lol. I know u want to help them, but in the long run, being firm about this will help them in the long run FOR SURE. I'm sorry they're telling u to postpone your wedding, that seems a little rude to me and u have every right to be frustrated!

Posted on December 16, 2013 at 8:20 pm

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