Guest list question!

I have a quick question for you ladies. A friend just posted her wedding pictures online and they were lovely but it brought up a few questions again that I had been considering for awhile. I wasn't invited.

Now I thought it didn't really matter because I thought it was going to be a smaller affair and I understand we're not terribly close. Granted I haven't been around but we had been talking by email for awhile. She even invited me to her Thanksgiving dinners in New York. When they bought their first apartment, I had a very significant piece of artwork sent to them, it dominates their living room now. I mean, if we were close enough for me to send something from my private collection...

I have been busy because well I had a very busy job, I was an investment banker, with terribly long hours (such as 8am to 2am at my desk and meetings) so no I couldn't go to lunch, the spa, shopping etc etc. And then I moved to join my fiance in the military and obviously I can't be flying around to see people all the time.

Now the dilemma is not that she did not invite me but should I invite her? The guest list of her party, per pictures, was pretty inclusive. In truth I'm glad I didn't attend because there were many people of whom I do not think highly but I have always thought highly of her and her husband. So while I'm not offended because I understand we were not out partying together all the time etc, should I still invite her and her husband to our wedding weekend? Particularly considering our costs are estimated to increase by about $200-$225 per person at a minimum?
Posted on November 20, 2007 at 1:24 am
champagnecholly
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09/19/2008
champagnecholly

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(6) Comments

MarinBride
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04/05/2008
MarinBride

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MarinBride

It doesn't sound to me like you need to invite her - nor should you feel guilty about it. Although I don't think invitations should be strictly on a "you scratch my back, I scratch yours" basis, if you weren't invited to her wedding I don't think you're obligated at all.
Posted on November 20, 2007 at 2:50 am
Ms.Sumomo
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06/24/2007
Ms.Sumomo

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Ms.Sumomo

I agree with the PP whether you were invited or not at her wedding you?re not obligated to invite her to yours. It all depends on if you want to share your wedding day to that particular person.

If you want to share your special day with her and her husband and budget is not a problem, I would invite them



HTH
Posted on November 20, 2007 at 3:12 am
chingermglish
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10/20/2007
chingermglish

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chingermglish

There may have been many factors that affected the choices she and her husband made for their guest list. You never know who had more influence -- her husband, his parents, her parents, etc.

In the end, this is about your wedding and what would make you and your fiance happy on one of the most important days of your lives. If you still think highly of her and her husband, that seems like as good a reason to include them as any. If not, there's no obligation to invite them. (Family is another beast entirely!)

Good luck -- guest lists are the hardest part of wedding planning, I think!
Posted on November 20, 2007 at 5:23 am
champagnecholly
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09/19/2008
champagnecholly

champagnecholly

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champagnecholly

I think a part of my question is my mind racing with, "Well if she didn't invite me, maybe we're not as close as I think we are, and if we're not as close, then she wouldn't want to come. I guess its been awhile, I still counted her as a friend. Well if she still sees us as friends and I misconstrue this and don't invite her, then she'll be hurt." et cetera. And the guilt too, I hate hurting people's feelings! And I know when I get an invite, even if I don't want to go, I feel obligated to attend and I don't want to put someone through that too!
Posted on November 20, 2007 at 6:02 am
tahoegirl
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09/02/2007
tahoegirl

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tahoegirl

This is hard to do, but absolutely don't feel guilty!! Just listen to your own heart on this... would having her and her husband with you on your wedding day be a positive, meaningful thing for you? If so, then just invite her.

Just as chingermglish said, she may have had any number of factors/forces to consider including seating limits, etc... in fact, knowing your husband is in the military, maybe she didn't invite you because she thought you would feel obligated and it would be difficult to come. All these million things we worry about... who knows! Bottom line, if you want her there, invite her!
Posted on November 20, 2007 at 6:53 am
lukduck
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05/17/2008
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lukduck

I say go with your instinct, if you dont want to invite her and you do...then you might feel weird seeing her at your wedding...
Posted on November 21, 2007 at 1:45 pm

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