Hard Question...

Hi everyone,
So this is a bit more of a difficult post to write. My sister is my MOH and I don't have any other bridesmaids for my wedding June 29th. Last year she was diagnosed with a really rare cancer and had extensive surgery in June 2007 to remove a tumor in her jaw line. Since then she has healed fairly well but I just found out that she will be having surgery again this April to check out another lump they found (unfortunatly this type of cancer often comes back) as well as do some corrective (plastic) surgery to restore some of the tissue. Not only is there a chance she will not be feeling up to being MOH but there's also the very scary chance that she will be rediagnosed. I am pretty worried about creating too much pressure for her to be my MOH in the event that she isn't well enough to.

Do you think I should ask my closest girlfriend to sub in if my sister couldn't? Would that be tacky or do you think it would create a better situation for my dear sister who could rest assured knowing that if she could be MOH, I would have someone to replace her?
Posted on February 26, 2008 at 6:47 pm
JuneBride2008
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(11) Comments

Kristen
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08/22/2009
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Has she mentioned how she feels about it? I mean, has she said that she might not be up to being MOH? If so, I don't think it would be tacky to ask your friend. Just make sure everyone's on the same page - your friend will be MOH in the event your sister isn't feeling up to it. I'm sure your friend is close enough to understand the situation and no feelings will be hurt if your sister decides to be your MOH.

I hope you have a flexible dress in mind. ;) And I really hope your sister doesn't get rediagnosed! It's no fun, I know. My thoughts are with you!
Posted on February 26, 2008 at 7:11 pm
*Wil*
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03/25/2008
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I would talk to your sister. Without knowing how she feels about the situation you want to make sure you don't hurt her feelings or make her feel like you're trying to push her out. It never hurts to have a backup but this is a very sensitive and I think you should be very open and honest with her.
Posted on February 27, 2008 at 1:21 am
She1
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Defiantly talk to her about it. Explain that although you love her dearly and would want nothing more then for her to be by your side, you want to make things as easy for her as possible. Tell her what your thinking of doing and why, explain you don't want her to feel pressured into being the MOH if shes not up for it. I'm sure she'll understand.
Posted on February 27, 2008 at 1:28 am
KK6
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I would talk to your sister to see how she feels about it, let her make the decision. If she says she can't be in the wedding then ask you closest friend, if she does tell her if any thing occurs if it would be ok to have a back up. If she says fine, then tell your friend.
Posted on February 27, 2008 at 2:35 am
iklein
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07/26/2008
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first of all, im really sorry to hear about your sister. my grandfather was diagnosed with 3 cancers so i know the pain of dealing with this kind of issue along with all the wedding plans, but i agree with everyone. talk to your sister about it first. tell her you are thinking about asking your friend to be there just in case your sister isnt feeling up for it. i dont think its tacky at all to ask your friend to be a back up. explain the situation, say you only have a budget for one girl, who is obviously your sister, but you love your friend and wanted her by your side just in case your sister will not be able to.

good luck
Posted on February 27, 2008 at 3:30 am
JuneBride2008
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Thanks a lot! I'm going to call her today, thanks for the support...
Posted on February 27, 2008 at 5:22 am
its.nicsknack
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JuneBride'08...I'm so sorry for your sister's condition! I wish her and your family the best!

I completely agree with PP's...talk it over with your sister. Be open and honest. Another way to spin this is to add your friend as a BM instead of having her "sub in" for your sister. This way, your sister won't feel 'replaced' yet know that her responsibiliteis don't just rest on her shoulders regardless of how she feels after the surgeries and what not. Again, talk it over with your sister. See what she is most comfortable with.

Your sister is in our thoughts!
Posted on February 27, 2008 at 5:29 am
champagnecholly
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09/19/2008
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That sounds very difficult! what about asking your friend to be another BM and tell your sister its up to her, no pressure, if she wants to be in the wedding. This way if she is up for it then you have two ladies, if not, just one. Its okay either way.

You don't have to label everyone MOH or just a BM. I never labeled mine, they're all just BM's because I knew it would hurt feelings if I asked one to be a MOH. And because I couldn't pick.
Posted on February 27, 2008 at 5:44 am
JuneBride2008
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That could work. I guess it's just that I ordered her dress from JCrew in the fall (they don't have that color anymore) so we would need to find another dress for my BM that matched. My colors are light peach and diove grey so finding another dress that shade in 4 mo. could be tricky. I think I will call her today and see what she thinks. Luckily the two of them are close in size so I think it could work.

Thanks for all your kind words I really appreciate it. It's been really tough since she is so young (24) and has a little girl and such. Thanks for the prayers ect!
Posted on February 27, 2008 at 5:47 am
ceejaydee7
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awee
im sorry to hear about your sister.. it must be tough. :(
she is definately in my prayers.

just my little input i think champagne's idea sounded good.
i hope your sister gets better
Posted on February 27, 2008 at 5:56 am
emssk8s
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I like Champs idea. I would keep her in the wedding but don't give her stuff to do. Friends start coming out of the woodwork offering to help so use other people if you need to. I think giving her a goal to get better for is key.

As an aside, my mother was first diagnosed with breast cancer when she was 31 and she had three of us, she battled the cancer and won until recently but its possible and keep hopefull. The one thing my mom talks about is that without the pressure of feeling better for us she might not have made it through so give that goal to your sister of the wedding and hope for the best.
Posted on February 27, 2008 at 6:37 am

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