Having a bad day today :(

I woke up this morning and took an HPT assuming it was going to be a bfn and sure enough it was. Seeing that one line stare right back at me hit me like a ton of bricks. Again, I was expecting the negative but was not expecting the emotions afterward. It has just made my day crap already. Everything is irritating me. My dog, my car, other drivers, my co-workers, my patients......grrrr!


Seeing that bfn also just brings out how angry I am that we lost our baby. I am angry that we were soo excited and trying for so long and now we have nothing. I am terrified that even if we do by some miracle get another bfp that it will just end in MC anyways. DH and I have considered going to an RE for IUI's and injectable meds, but ins won't cover it. I can't see spending thousands of dollars on that treatment knowing that even if we do get pregnant we can loose it again. Was crying my whole way to work because I am just so sad/angry!


Then to top it all off, and Im sure you all know this story, sooo many people around me are pregnant and DIDNT want to be! Why do they get to experience it and DH and I can't!!!


Sorry for my pity party, I just needed to get it all out.

Posted on August 9, 2011 at 12:59 am
dana.rw
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mikesgirl090609
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09/06/2009
mikesgirl090609

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Oh Dana, I'm so sorry. It's OK to be angry and sad. This whole process is exhausting, frustrating and just plain MEAN. It is so unfair knowing how much you want and can care for a baby yet everyone else out there can get pregnant so easily. I'm sorry if you've answered this question before, but do you have "unexplained infertility"? (ugh-I hate that phrase. It just adds insult to injury). If there is something medically wrong with you, would insurance cover any fertility treatments? Have you looked into any IUI or IVF studies? Perhaps you could get into one of those to help defer costs?


Please vent away....

Posted on August 9, 2011 at 2:22 am
G8R.Girl
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09/04/2010
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Oh honey, I am so very sorry. I KNOW how frustrating this whole process is. Every month I say I am going to wait for AF to show and most months I end up testing and even though I kind of already know it will be a bfn it is kind of a shock to see it. It just sucks the air and energy and life right out of you.
It is ok to feel frustrated and just plain pissed about it all.
Is switching insurance a realistic option at all? DH and I have separate insurance through our respective jobs because mine covers some fertility treatments and his doesn't cover any however his is cheaper and is fine for what he needs. It is already approcahing the end of year so it may be worth checking into the other's insurance to see if it covers anything fertility related and switch in Decemeber/January (or whenever it is you renew).
Mikesgirl's suggesstion for studies is a really good one. Maybe look for area Universities and see if they have anything or can point you in the right direction.
I would do what I could to get to an RE. They are not just for things like IUI and IVF. You may never have to resort to that (you are able to get pregnant) but they may help to identify what else is going and if there is a concrete reason for the mc.
Does your insurance cover any alternative methods like naturopathic medicine or acupuncture? It might be worth it to look into other types of treatment.

Scream, cry, rant and rave all you want. We will be at your pity party with you(consider me your co-hostess) and then once that is over and we got it all out of our system (for the month) ;) we will all move on to trying again and hoping for a sticky bean for ourselves and each other. It WILL happen for us and then we get to have an "It's about damn time party" and drink sparkling apple juice. Hang in there, sweetie...
{{{hugs}}}

Posted on August 9, 2011 at 4:38 am
dana.rw
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dana.rw

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@Mikesgirl: I was diagnosed with PCOS last in April 2010. I have been on clomid for a few months now to induce ovulation. My insurance company said "They will cover tests to find a diagnosis, but once the diagnosis is found, they won't pay for any sort of treatment" Since I have been diagnosed, HSG, SA, IUI, IVF....all not even considered for coverage.


I would love to find a study or trial but have no idea where to even start looking. Besides Googling, but that really gets me nowhere. I have not looked into other treatment options like that much because I know our insurance pays for crap. I have to meet my deductible for them to pay for anything and it is a deductible of around $2000. I would rather pay that $1500-2000 on other fertility treatments, if I had it to spare right now.


@G8R: I can't wait for our "ITS ABOUT DAMN TIME" party! We all sooo deserve it! Sparkling apple juice, I love it! How are you feeling? How many dpo are you now?

Posted on August 9, 2011 at 5:13 am
G8R.Girl
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Dana, I found this link. I didn't delve too deep into it so I don't know how legit it is but, superficially, it looks like a promising place to start. Hope it helps!
I am feeling weird. Trying to stay hopeful but I feel, physically, the way I do every single month. No weird things happening or anything not even slightly sore boobs. (Who knew one day I'd kill for sore boobs!). Usually I imagine I have symptoms but this time I'm just trying to be chill and not read too much into stuff. As of today I am 8dpo and just trying to make it through to next Monday and whatever that brings...
This is the chant inside my head: ap-ple juice. ap-ple juice. ap-ple juice! ;)

Posted on August 9, 2011 at 8:55 am

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