HELP!!!! Controlling MOB

I am standing in and helping to plan a wedding for two very dear friends of mine. However, the MOB is a tad on the controlling side, and it is seriously starting to affect my Bride and Groom. Recently, my Bride purchased her Wedding Dress, and during the shopping trip, the MOB reveals that she wants to wear off white/silver/champagne. She has never mentioned this to the bride, she just says that it will match the colour scheme (Red/Black - Bride is wearing Ivory) and that this is what she wants. Sadly, MOB keeps adding/planning/implimenting and buying things to/for this wedding without consulting the bride or groom, is quite insensitive to the fact that the groom wants a say and to be involved, and my bride cowers when it comes to dealing with her mom, as well as constantly asking for approval when wanting to share/implimenting her own ideas into their wedding. I should also mention, that it has been stated this wedding must be a positve reflection on their success and the success of raising their children. So my QUESTION(S) -- Should the MOB be wearing something so close in colour to the bride and can you give me suggestions to help enourage my B&G to take back control of their wedding?

Posted on November 3, 2013 at 9:43 am
lmlaviolette
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12/31/2010
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(10) Comments

KimandByron
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They need to stand up and be very firm. This wedding is about them and should be what they want. Is the MOB helping financially? If she is things get a little more touchy. The bride needs to take the first step to make her mother take a step back. Is the bride upset about what her mother is going to wear? Again if she is then she needs to tell her mother how she feels. If her mother doesnt back down maybe they should keep her on the outside circle of planning.
Posted on November 3, 2013 at 11:36 am
lmlaviolette
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thanks @kimandbyron

the biggest hurddle i have right now is that they don't seem to have the courage to stand up to her. I am hoping to get suggestions on encouraging them to stick to their guns. As for the MOB dress colour, the Bride couldnt get her opinion in, and when she tried the MOB kept saying that she needs to look as good as the Bride on that day

Posted on November 3, 2013 at 11:47 am
Lovestherapy
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Is MOB contributing $?

Posted on November 3, 2013 at 2:22 pm
Linnn
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ridiculous. if the bride don't speak up, then i'm not sure what's left to you.. yes you are helping but ultimately, it should come from the B&G.
Posted on November 5, 2013 at 12:09 pm
holly_marie_53
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03/06/2014
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 So glad my mom is not like this! She's just going with whatever it is I want. And her dress is purple, my accent color! But my best friend's mother has been a lot like this with her wedding! Her mom has even gone as far as threatening not to pay for the wedding if she doesn't get  her way... Makes me so upset.

Posted on November 22, 2013 at 2:47 am
misshammy
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 I second Lovesthearpy.

 

My in laws contributed a lot of money for us - However, the money they contributed was the people they wanted to invite to the wedding that we didn't know or didn't care to have there.

 

At first it bugged me, but since they were shedding the funds, I realized that it only seemed fair since the funds helped us out more than expected!

 

However, my MIL still gave some very inappropriate opinions when I was planning and it made me sick to my stomach...  Now, I'm very close with my MIL; she's truly one of my best friends.  However, it really upset me with the words she used.  I know, now, she was just being honest, but I knew I could prove her wrong...  In fact, I proved MANY people wrong with how our wedding turned out... (They thought it would be tacky and tasteless, in a round about way)

My DH and I did stick up for ourselves and ended up starting to distance ourselves from everyone with the plans.  It stressed us out a lot, but we didn't want to hear the negativity or the options to have this or that.  

In the beginning, my MIL would buy A LOT of stuff for us for the wedding.  I was truly appreciated and thankful, but it ended up not being what we wanted.  

Bottom line, we all compromised and respected each other's decisions.  

They need to speak with her because I bet her mother has been waiting for this day since her daughter was born....  So, she may not even know she's overstepping her boundaries.  

And the answer to your question:  My MIL wore blush and my mother wore purple.  I went shopping with both of them and forced them to step out of their comfort zone and they both fell in love and looked absolutely radiant!

Some brides don't mind if the mother wears ivory/white/whatever.  But if it's bothering her, she needs to let her mother know.  Maybe she should test the waters by saying, "Mom, I think you would look fantastic in ____ color".  See how she responds.

Posted on November 22, 2013 at 8:13 am
jmbuss9
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 Wow, that is a bit ridiculous. I think she needs to back off alittle, it is not her day or about her. And she needs to wear a color thats not refection of the bride.

Posted on November 22, 2013 at 10:38 am
Sammy_D
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Wow, there is a lot going on there. If the bride is okay with what the MOB is wearing, then it's fine. But if the  bride wants to standout by being the only one in white, then she needs to say something. Same goes for if the groom wants more of a say and if they don't like some of the things the MOB is buying/doing...THEY need to be the ones to speak up. 

You, as a friend, could privately say something politely to your friend, such as "Are you ok with everything so far, or all of this?" or just keep asking "What do YOU want" or "is this what you want?" That might give her some courage to speak up. I wouldn't bad mouth the MOB, it's not your place and you don't want hard feelings with anyone. But stand by your friend as supportively as you can and make sure you help her understand that it's ok for her to make her wishes known.

The others are right though, if the MOB is contributing $$ then she does get some say, within reason and I guess how much of a say depends on how much $$.

Good luck!

Posted on November 22, 2013 at 11:33 am
krosa
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 i agree with everyone else that you should really encourage the bride and groom to stick up for themselves.  if they are paying for the wedding they should get what they want.  they are going to be the ones looking back years from now at their dvd and photos and shouldnt have major regret for not putting their feet down.  if they allow the mob to continue to pull crap they will only resent her for putting them in this situation.  it could actually start to effect their relationship with her and eachother.  they may pull away from her so they don't have to deal with her, or if the bride continues to spend time with mom it could cause a riff between the groom and bride.  he wont want her to be upset and will hate that she continues to spend time with her mom when it only makes her angry when she comes home to him.  if they are not willing to put their feet down esp if the mob is paying for most of the wedding, then i recommend that they elope.  at least it will be something they did on their terms.  if they still want to have a reception, then they can.  but they need to willing to have the mob in the thick of it if she is paying for it.  

my parents eloped.  my moms parents were planning her wedding.  her dad wanted to have this big wedding which would have put them in debt.  mom could see the physical effect it was having on her mom, so they eloped and told her parents afterwards.  my one regret in that situation is that they dont have any real pics of their wedding.  

in this case, the bride and groom could do a weddingmoon at a place like sandals where you get a free wedding.  this would not include a photographer or videographer.  if they are unwilling to put their feet down i would highly recommend this.  and i would recommend that  they not tell the mob.  if they want, they could have them and a couple of their best friends...people they can trust to keep the secret.

Posted on November 23, 2013 at 7:40 am
poppyaka
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 Did the MOB ever have her own wedding ceremony? I only ask because the controlling nature could be coming from a sensitive place, she may be thinking it's THEIR wedding. If that's not the case then it's up to the Bride to speak to her mother. Perhaps she can delegate things that she needs her mom to take care of, rather than her mom just buying things and openly planning their wedding.

Posted on November 23, 2013 at 7:55 am

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