High's and Low's of the planning process. (venting and seeking advice probably long winded...)
I'll start with saying that im feeling a little better with the whole planning thing. Anyone who is remotly familiar with the few things ive posted here will know that my wedding planning has been a disaster from day one.
- the day after we got engaged my fmil told us she was very disappointed in us (we made the mistake of posting it on facebook before telling them) and that we didnt have a pot to p**s in. they behaved very cruely and cynical, and even asked my FI if he even bought me a ring. she is apperantly very bitter about the fact that my FI didnt involve her in the "I'm planning on popping the question" with her. While i feel he should have, i dont blame him for not doing it because every time he turns around she fusses at him that he has no money. so im sure her first response would have been why would you do that you have no money! but he proposed in a wonderful way and there were hundreds of people routing for us and congratulating us... so even though we were both in tears the next morning... these wonderful strangers made us feel better.
- his brother got engaged two weeks after us. so i felt devestated that my lime light, which wasnt well received by his family at all... had just been stolen. i didnt feel special anymore. i know its silly, but i was very upset about this. this has brought a lot of tension between me and his family and for my FI as well. his bro is favored over my FI. he has a nice carreer and so does his now FI. his FI's family are well to do (both dr's.) and so they meet my FMIL's criteria for how a successful life should be lived. Meanwhile my FI is struggling to get full time employment as a teacher... which i think is a very respectable job and i see nothing wrong with it... and me. well i cant make up my mind on a carreer and have opted to not waste my time and money on college if i havent a clue what i want to do with it. (i do have some college education so its not like im uneducated but thats what i feel like when im "compared" to my FSIL) So my FMIL is constantly complaining that we dont involve her but that the other son has told her all about their plans. they kind of lied when they told us they didnt know when they were getting married or anything, but in relaity already had a venue, dress etc.i'm always made to look like the bad person. but in the end my FI is still there for me.
- im struggling budget wise to make this happen. both my FI and I dont make a lot of money, and my parents dont make a lot of money either, but were saving pennies to make something nice happen. my FMIL insists we have a nice country club reception but has yet to offer any finacial help. i thought my parents and his would discuss this during our engagement party, but that turned into a family get together on his family and a JOINT engagement party for both us and his brother.
- The catholic church keeps giving me the run around... so i havent been able to set a date or go venue shopping. now im kind of pidgeon holed date wise because his brother already has a venue and a date, and we've been informed we have to be careful (a.k.a. we cant have it later in the month) with the date we pick so that our guests can take time off for both weddings.
- i originally wanted a valentines wedding, because febuary has a lot of meaning to us and my parents originally wanted to get married on vday and couldnt... i thought it would be nice to honor my parents this way... but most of the venues we looked at will not do friday receptions. :( so ive been trying to remain open minded.
- i think i have a venue selected but when i tried to make an appointment to sit down and get more firm numbers and possiably a date and deposit, they told me they are re-doing their menus and i needed to contact them back in 2 weeks. im crossing my fingers that they are not upping their prices as well... because that will be a major set back for us.
- we dont really have anywhere to live after the wedding. his family has offered us their guest house ( a little one bedroom one bath) as a home. but they havent offered to help us fix it up, (my FI is in the process of moving in now. it was a subject of lots of arguments in the begining because i dont want to move in and he feels its his to claim... so im letting him move in and experience taking care of a home before hand and letting him get it out of his system) and we were told wed have to pay rent as well.... i really want to go some where else, but if nothing else pans out this is the last ditch effort of were we will be. but i dont want to give them a reason to be able to control my FI any more then they already do.
So despite all of this and more, im feeling a little better. Yesterday we set up and appointment and visited my old parrish (a lutheran church i used to attend for about 5 or 6 years) and talked with the pastor. he seems willing to work with us and offers the church fellowship hall as a reception hall, or he will be willing to be our officiant for our ceramony should we chose to do it at the venue we are considering. This makes me happy, because now i feel like i have a back up plan if things fall through with our venue. i was happy in my old church but because i had broken up with my ex, i felt ackward being there every sunday with all his family.
so theres a lot of negative, here's the postives:
- i found my dress right off the bat. first one i tried on!! i love it! everyone else does too, and one of my besties is helping me pay for it. which i am so blessed and grateful for her help! <3 (now i need shoes and a veil!)
- my mother gave me a family heirloom ring that is 90+ years old to use as my wedding band. i was succesfully able to have it repaired and then i even found a matching band for my FI!
- i officially have a back up plan if my venue falls through monitarily-wise. so if it doesnt fall through i then have to decide, do i want to keep my venue and have a ceramony at the venue and give up both my date and want of having a church wedding (but it gives me the beautiful hall, good food and little need for decoration).... or give up the venue and have a church wedding on or the next day from the date i want (but also have more DIY in the area of decorating the church fellowhsip hall as my reception area + having to find a catererer?) im playing with the idea of having both but the church and venue are an hour away from each other... so i dont think thats plausiable. but we will see... pic of my hopefull venue (& if i chose the venue only my old pastor says if hes availble he would be happy to be my officiant):
- If we use the above venue, my colors will be navy, poppy red, gold and maybe ivory.
- ive decided that once we have a date set, i will throw a REAL engagement party for us and use it as a "Save the Date" party as well. Our engagement party my FMIL threw for us was nice but none of my family other then parents and brother were able to attend and none of our friends were there.... but his brother got a big party with friends and family. i want to have this experience... so instead of spending money on save the date cards i think i will throw a casual, pot-luck party to spread the news!
guess i basically wanted to vent and share my experiences thus far with all the wonderful people out there. :)