Honeymoon: Fear of Flying

so fh and i were talking about honeymoon excursions in kona and maybe taking a day trip to kauai - then he just announced to me that he doesnt want to fly!! 


he had 2 terrible landings and in-flight drops due to air turbulance within the last 3 weeks and now he doesnt want to get on a plane for hawaii b/c he's "scared to death"... his exact words were "i'm not getting on the plane so you can go and marry yourself"!   i remember him canceling his flight to go back after he was up here last and taking the 7 hour amtrak train ride down to SoCal, but i thought he'd get over his fear... now that we're literally 8 weeks away - he says he'd rather take a ferry to catalina island and get married there instead of hawaii...wtf?


ok so i'm thinkin, maybe we can take a cruise...NCL has an inter-island cruise BUT we still have to fly to honolulu... all the other cruiselines offer a 10 or 14 day cruise out of LongBeach/San Pedro - but by law are required to stop outside the US - no bueno for me, b/c i'm having issues with my passport and my attorney says not to travel outside US unitl it gets resolved


i dont think we can get any $$$ due to fear of flying - i believe the only reasons we'll get  money back is for sickness, hospitalization, death...  gotta talk to my travel agent now


yay - welcome to sunday sept 7!

Posted on September 7, 2008 at 1:26 pm
d1rtymart1n1
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mhanna22
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oh sorry to hear that....any way you can talk him into it in the next few weeks?

Posted on September 7, 2008 at 1:30 pm
rebeccalenore
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Ah man, I hate to hear that!  Its so close for him to be fearing that now!  I know the fear is real within him, but man...how tough.  Maybe try giving him some statistics on how flying is safer than driving/boating/walking even??  I know the first one is true, but maybe the rest?


As far as your passport, could you take the cruise and just not get off the boat in the foreign location?  You shouldn't have any issues with needing the passport with that, but I would check into the cruise requirements cause it seems like a year or two ago they changed the rules from being able to travel with your birth cert & DL to having to have a valid passport.  It may not be an option at all.


Hmmmm...have you looking into private cruises/yachts?  I have no clue if that's possible or affordable but maybe there's ones that go from Cali to Hawaii and they'll need some people to occupy the trip? 


I'm sorry I can't think of anything else!

Posted on September 7, 2008 at 1:36 pm
d1rtymart1n1
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i'm trying to be understanding - i'm scared of drowning or driving over bridges b/c i always think "what if there's a huge earthwuake as i'm on this bridge?", but i do what i have to do kwim??  i live in east bay and had to drive over the bay bridge or take bart in the freaking tunnel under the san francisco bay to get to work for 2 years!!  i hated it - but i did it b/c i had to...


our only compromise was for him to get meds to take prior to taking off so he'd be sleepy... but ya know i kinda wanted to spend time and be excited on the plane as we approached HNL airport etc...


so now this leaves us crap for our honeymoon if he really doesnt get it together and fly...i dont want to go to vegas or arizona - he wont go to the grand canyon b/c he's scared of heights, road trip was not exaclty my idea of a honeymoon...


FFFFFFFFFFFCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

Posted on September 7, 2008 at 1:37 pm
lipia3
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Wow D1rty we ARE both having crappy weekends!!!!  I'm petrified to fly as well, so I usually get some "happy pills" from my doctor....lol

Posted on September 7, 2008 at 1:40 pm
d1rtymart1n1
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my address is 7676 maple street if you wanna send me some so i can dilute them in his pre-flight drinks!


i mean, if he really doesnt want to go - i guess we're out the $6K - b/c we cant cancel unless he's in hopsital or is sickly (and i dont mean jsut a cold)


ugh! wtf!!! 

Posted on September 7, 2008 at 1:42 pm
rebeccalenore
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Hm, what about just taking a swig of liquid Nyquil about 30 mins before bording the plane?  That's always my remedy for when I can't sleep at night and I can wake up feeling non-drowsy or groggy...unlike Tylenol PM which leaves me feeling like crap until 3pm or later the next day.


That may be a decent option that will not leave him knocked out completely after you land?


I understand wanting to be excited together on the flight.  I'm always like that on trips yet never get it from my FI...I'm sure he will be though cause this is your honeymoon!!!!  How can he not be?  Maybe you could take your Ipod, put on some jams, have a few drinks yourself during the flight, and just relax as you begin your splendid trip in paradise?!?!

Posted on September 7, 2008 at 1:45 pm
lipia3
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Oh god 6 grand????????????????????????  Hey if he don't wanna go I will....LOL......no wedding though...sorry...hahahaha


That does suck......do you think he'd be willing to have his doc prescribe him some Valium or Ativan?

Posted on September 7, 2008 at 1:47 pm
d1rtymart1n1
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i'm about to prescribe a swift kick in the twig and berries =)

Posted on September 7, 2008 at 2:22 pm
willinilli
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.

Posted on September 7, 2008 at 2:33 pm
FinallyMrsV
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He could go to the doctor and say that he is going on a trip and has a lot of anxiety about flying.  The doctor will likely prescribe him some ativan to help treat his anxiety.  My DHs dad is a psychiatrist and does this all the time (for my DH included!).  It helps because he just falls off to sleep once he gets on the plane (then he just has to feel anxious for the few days before, but doesn't experience the paralyzing fear when he is up in the air)

Posted on September 7, 2008 at 4:02 pm
lipia3
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LMAO.............twig and berries!!!!

Posted on September 8, 2008 at 1:53 am
Sarahinwonderland
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Aw that is kind of adorable though! Well a cruise would be nice. You could relax on your way over there. The trouble would be getting back on! Thats a pretty big problem in the travel plans. good luck!

Posted on September 8, 2008 at 5:46 am
AMiller
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LOL d1rty I would beat his ass! Hell I'll go and marry you in Hawaii! Girls weekend!

Posted on September 8, 2008 at 6:14 am
WMforever
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i say drug him! you've gone this far, just get to the altar! dont lose that money! he'll be ok w/ the meds!

Posted on September 8, 2008 at 7:10 am
MissQnomore
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yup.  meds, booze, sexual favors, whatever ya gotta do to get him on that plane!!! haha


no really though, offer to something for him in exchange (maybe not ones i already listed  ; ) ). 

Posted on September 8, 2008 at 7:17 am
abattyref
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I used to be petrified of flying, and I know exactly what your man is going through. Every little bump and noise had me gripping the arm rest convinced that we were going to nose dive to our deaths. I've been on some terribly turbulant flights where it felt like we were in a bloody free fall. And after each one of those flights, I told myself I wasn't ever going to get on a plane. After some time, I would feel a little better and build up enough courage to get on a plane again.


But I LOVE to travel and I never wanted my fear of flying to prevent me from going somewhere awesome. When DH got a job working for an airline, I began flying more and more often. Now I fly at least a couple of times a month. I still don't like turbulance, but I'm slowly learning to deal with it.


He needs to realize that this fear of flying isn't worth loosing $6k on a great trip. BTW, I just flew to and from Maui last week and the flights were extremely smooth. I'd totally understand you wanting him to be excited on this flight too. Maybe talk to a doc about getting him something to help him relax but won't make him groggy or knocked out. If they have an inflight movie or personal movie player, get one, and it can be a good distraction. I've found that watching a movie or TV on a flight keeps me from thinking about what the plane is doing.


What airline are you planning to fly? See if you can find out what aircraft you'll be one. The bigger the airplane, the smoother the flight.


Good luck girl. Way to go on working out a compromise. I'd keep working on him and don't let his fear f*ck up your plans

Posted on September 8, 2008 at 8:29 am
m824
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D1rty...You are so effin funny! Even when your explaining your drama you hace such a great way relaying the message!


That sucks about Fi's fear:( I feel his pain. Both flights to and from Belize on our honeymoon were awful! I was totally freakin out...but I am a total sissy. I had a couple drinks and brought a laptop and watched family guy the whole time. That helped me a lot. But some "happy pills" would have been kick ass! Maybe that would help him calm down? I would hate to see his fear of flying affect all the planning you have done. And once he's there I'm sure he would totally enjoy himself....who wouldn't!?!


Good luck!!!! I'm sure it will all work out. :) I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you!

Posted on September 8, 2008 at 5:14 pm
3monkeys
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awww that is bad d1rty! i do feel sorry for him though! bad experiances are that for a reason they were bad! thats why FI is scared to do it again! mmmmmm how to make him get on that plane and not waste 6k........ maybe that swift kick to the twig and berrys! nah dont think that will work, so is he dead set he will not fly? is he happy to waste 6k.... maybe talk to a pharmisist or your gp and see if they have some sort of settitive they can give him to calm his nerves! and then once he gets on the plan get him to go to sleep or get him pissed with cold hard shoots of liqure! good luck, let us know what happens!

Posted on September 8, 2008 at 6:24 pm
d1rtymart1n1
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we're flying united from LAX to Kona; then Kona to HNL; then HNL back to LAX


we got into it again tonight and i was thisclose to calling everything off... i'm sick of his shit and whining and waaaah waaaah waaaah... fck him. if he doesnt want to go, then i'm going on vacation - apparently by myself...

Posted on September 8, 2008 at 9:31 pm
AMiller
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Don't call anything off or kick him in the twig and berries (those are your future kids LOL) Give him sometime to realize he's being absolutely CRAZY and calm down. Then if he still doesn't comply beat him over the head and drag him on the flight caveman style by his hair.

Posted on September 8, 2008 at 11:30 pm
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