Hello ladies, a friend of mine who is getting married in July refuses to use honor and obey in her vows. How do you feel about using honor and obey? Would you take it out?
Personally, I would use it just because it is part of the classical vows. However, we are having an outdoors/beach wedding, so we are not saying the classic vows. I have no problem promising to honor and obey. Honor yes, but I know that FI would never expect me to 'obey' him, so it's not a big deal for me.
hell to the no, but that's just me. I agree honor is different than obey. There's only so far I'm going for the sake of "tradition" and reciting cheuvanistic and oppressive vows isn't for me.
But, that's just me being picky about words, lol
I would take it out. I agree, I like the old classic vows, but when they were originally written wives were expected to "honor and obey" which is soooooo not the case today. Im taking that part out but leaving the rest.
Not a fan of the words personally, but if you like it... go for it!
Nope I really not feeling those words they wil taking out
I'm a big fan of NOT following tradition, there are things that our grandmothers did that I would totally never consider doing.... somethings are just meant for the past! I think of vows like that and it remind me of a time when women couldn't vote or own property.... I would opt to change the words "honor and obey" to "love and respect"
It doesn't really bother me whether it is used or not I guess... but I would agree with jesandshan, I would probably use "love and respect". Sounds better
I agree - love and respect is my top choice :)
It will not be in our wedding vows. Only animals are supposed to obey...I am not a pet and neither is he.
I'm not a fan of obey... I don't mind honor, but I agree with some of the other girls that love and respect does sound better.
we are doing our own vows so we wouldn't use the honor or obey.
I'm doing Honor and Obey! I think that is what I'm supposed to do; however, it's also what he's supposed to do. He knows that I honor him because I respect him and he respects me, I obey him because he asks me to do something and I do it... the same goes for him I ask him he does. It's all semantics!
I like love and respect too :D thanks for the post!!!
Huh, I've always heard it "honor and cherish." Maybe I come from a different tradition. Or maybe I'm getting it mixed up (quite likely).
Nubianqueen, did you join the Christian Brides group? You should!
Nubianqueen, I sorta feel the same way. I never saw any reason to change that in my vows. I've always seen women get upset about the obey thing and truly never understood why.
Back to my friend, her wedding was beautiful! Yes she actually used the traditional honor and obey part in her vows and they wrote something special to each other. She felt that after all the fuss that if she was going to marry him, then that act alone was showing that she trust him with everything and the obeying doesn't make you a doormat or a subject. At her bridal shower she made the comment that she wanted a marriage like I have with my husband and when everyone left she asked me is it hard to obey, which I told her honestly no. I have no problems with it because I know who I married. He isn't this power crazed overbearing man who needs to be in total control. Her husband is cool and laid back like mine so of course she has no problems either.
I think in this day and age with the all mighty independant women who can do it all themselves and dont NEED a man, its easy to take a word like obey and think its chovenistic. But those who understand the Bible (and the intent) know that we are told to obey our husbands, but they are COMMANDED to love us the way Christ does. Both are hard to do and both goes against our human nature, to love someone more then you love yourself. Being married is WORK! Trust me I know, I've been married for 5 years. I think that if we know our roles clearly that it makes things easy. My role as his wife is to love him unconditionally, honor him in everything I do and to obey his wishes to the best of my ability. His role is to love me, protect me and to honor me in all his ways. Once people get that (or whatever roles they make for their marriage) things are easier.
I think it's classic and I believe in honoring and obeying; God first and each other second.
It goes to vaules, morals, decisions that are best for each other and family, spiritual values, honering the good, the bad and the extremely wonderful and difficult to be there no matter what until we are no more on this earth.
Obeyin God's laws, our hearts, our souls, obeying the laws of marriage and each other if it's for the best.
I don't see honor and obey as something negative but basic truths in a foundation that shouldn't be built on just "love" but a rock that becomes a mountain to stand on together.
In addition I also truly respect those who feel that the word obey is used for animals. I can totally see that and I understand how someone with ill intent can abuse that one part of the marriage vows and forget everything else you promised to each other before God and witness. I stated in another group, by me being a vow renewal we are writing our own vows and this time around I don't know if I will be putting honor and obey in my vows or not. I just love seeing the different opinions! You girls rock:D
We're writing our own vows but then incorporating the traditional ones at the end. There is something very beautiful in saying the same words that countless generations of people have said at their marriages before ours.
At the same time, "obey" is not an option for us. Because we see each other as an absolute equal, neither has the ability to be in a commanding role. Everything we do is a partnership, which is why "respect" is so much more fitting. I would never tell FI what to do, nor would he tell me. We instead discuss, explain, and compromise. I am inclined to believe that what destroys marriages and leads to divorce is not the lack of obedience but the lack of honest conversation and an effort to compromise.
Our minister is incredibly traditional and won't let us change the vows... incredibly not happy as I don't agree with the "honour and obey" thing AT ALL. I just want our vows to be the same, but apparently the "obey" bit "needs" to be in there for the woman because it is biblical.