Hello ladies, a friend of mine who is getting married in July refuses to use honor and obey in her vows. How do you feel about using honor and obey? Would you take it out?
thisiscooling - My mother said that she faced the same problem with the priest 35 years ago. During the rehearsal she told him that she would say "Love, honor, and cherish" or "Love, honor, and respect" but not "obey." When it came time for the ceremony, the priest told her to say "Love, honor, and obey," and she said, "I will love and honor." According to my dad, who loves this story, my mum and the priest had a five second stare-off until the priest sighed and moved on. My dad says that if she hadn't done that, she wouldn't have been the woman he was expecting to marry :)
Not a big fan we are not using it
That's her perogative. We aren't doing it either, mostly because we're having a civil ceremony on the beach, and if I ever told FI I'd honor and obey him, he's never leave me alone! LOL
fromcoldtofire - that's fantastic!! Tell your mum she's amazing!
I was thinking of doing that myself by I think we're going to opt to just say "I do" after the minister says the whole thing rather than repeating the words back so I feel more comfortable. Damn minister.
I have to agree with Nubianqueen, if you put things in the correct perspective and not out of context then honor and obey are not that difficult, but also he has to do the same for you.
LOL - I enjoyed reading everyones responses. I'm also not one for following tradition and I too have a HUGE issue with 'Obey" which is very different from "honor". I think it's more important to honor our husbands and "obey" our spiritual intuition!
Honor but no obey forme hehehe honoring someone is different than obeying, for sure
We are not going to use "honor and obey" in ours. But we are writing our own personal vows to each other. I AM going to include respect, but not obey. We don't use the word "allowed" and "permission" in reference to our relationship.
Mine says Love, Honor and Respect him...
Our vows has nothing in about Honor and obey! I'm Afrikaans so ours is much different. In Afrikaans ours says "Om mekaar Lief te he en te respekteer" It means so love and respect each other...
It wont be in our vows either. I'm not obeying anyone, ever! I think we're going with the love and respect and other traditional verses plus adding a few personal ones as well.
i believe that you honor and only obey if he is right. you know he's right if he puts god first
We are sticking to the traditional vows. If it was good enough for my aunt and uncle for 61 years of marriage, my mom and dad for 52 years of marriage and counting...then surely it is good enough for me. If the married couple is clear of what these words means to them individually and then discusses it with their future spouse as well as what their expectations are of their future spouse as it relates to this part of their vows then there should be no reason to elimiate these words from their vows
I'm just saying.