Got it all worked out.
Well, apologizing now seems like it's too late. Do you feel bad? Have you had MIL problems before?
Just know that it's not going to get better after you get married, trust me. I have had some very similar issues with my MIL. She doesn't feel like she's done anything wrong, so she's not going to be the one to extend an olive branch. The best thing you can do at this point is to pretend it never happened.
My best advice is to move far, far away from the inlaws. I wish I had...
Thanks for the feedback.
Well, why not tell her you are sorry if you are and you want things to be good again. Also does she know about your ex's problems? Perhaps if she did she might understand why the situation pushed your buttons to the extent that it did. Everyone says things in the heat of the moment..she probably defends the son because she feels like she has failed if he has ended up like that. She might not have the insight to realise she is an enabler either.
If you used to be close then open up and talk to her as candidly as you can..it cannot make the situation any worse..
It sounds mega stressfull..
Wow, this sounds very stressful.
Unfortunately the things that were said both you and FMIL can't be taken back. How does your FI feel about the situation? if it is causing him stress perhaps you should apologize. If it doesn't seem to be to be causing stress then I say leave it as it is.
I think you owe her a big apology. I cannot imagine having my future daughter in law uninvite me to my son's wedding and have her tell me that I was dead to her. It may have been in the heat of the moment, but she doesn't know that, and she hasn't heard differently from you since.
I would have been hugely offended if you had called my son a loser, and if you lost your temper with her than she probably did not feel like she needed to put herself out there and throw you a bridal shower - which to me is understandable. I wouldn't have wanted to throw one for someone that spoke that way to me either.
My brother has dealt with alcohol addiction in the past, and my mom used to be a huge enabler. It really really bothered me - mostly because I saw how it impacted and hurt her and I love her so much. But whenever I tried to step in and let her know how I felt it made matters so much worse. Regardless of his actions or his choices he will always be her little boy and son, and she will care about him deeply and do whatever it is that she can. Her road to understanding how her actions impact his addiction is different than any one else's and no one can just make her stop enabling him - she will have to come to that on her own.
You have a ton of damage control to do - your FI's mom is one of the most important people in his life and you don't want to put yourself in the middle of their relationship, regardless of your thoughts on her and how she treats him or his brother. You need to apologize and ask what you can do to make things right - acknowledge that you spoke to her unkindly and that there is no excuse for it, and that its important that she understands that it was frustration over many things and should not have been directed at her.
Hope you can smooth things out, and that you can mend this all before the wedding - it would be a shame to have your FI's wedding day impacted by a fight between you and his mom ya know?
I think you need to call her and face to face offer an apology. Im sure she read the email but if that happened with me and FMIL id talk to her face to face.
UPDATE: All has been taken care of and we spoke on the phone and cleared everything up. I apologized to her for blowing up and she even apologized to me for being so stressed since FBIL's children were dumped on her door by their mother.
We are even having lunch next week, just she and I, which is definitely a step in the right direction.
I'm so glad that you spoke to your FMIL. Things were said that can't be taken back, but you can both choose to move past them. A relationship with family is more important than any stupid blow up that might have happened.
Please let us know how your lunch goes, good luck - you can patch this up!
Will do that.