How

Do you snap your brain out of TTC mode? We can't TTC for a few more months because new health issues have popped up that I must fix. So how do i snap myself out of TTC mode? You know, how do you go from saying "We're ready!" to saying "We're not ready?"

Posted on October 6, 2009 at 9:13 am
WMforever
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(14) Comments

jess143
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im not sure hun, ive been workin on that part for years now

Posted on October 6, 2009 at 5:42 pm
WMforever
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wahh :( these months are gonna go by sloooooooowwly

Posted on October 7, 2009 at 4:39 am
WMforever
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jess, are you going to see a specialist to see why you havent been able tc?

Posted on October 7, 2009 at 4:39 am
AMiller
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Aww I'm so sorry!

Posted on October 7, 2009 at 12:12 pm
jackieg
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it's hard...i'm in the same boat now...and i'm trying to remain positive as it becomes increasingly hard to see baby items or baby dept at Target, etc....

Posted on October 8, 2009 at 8:48 am
jennred782
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Until DH finally agreed to start I kept thinking about the practice. I mean practice makes perfect (well sounded good) also if you aren't around babies much offering to watch your friends or families little ones.

Posted on October 14, 2009 at 12:22 pm
HolyMolyMatrimony
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I CAN HELP!


Why don't I tell you allllllll about the downside!?!?!  I can go on and on lol You know, just to have you hold tight for a bit.  I do have to say, pregnancy is a beautiful fun thing- but once that kid gets here- EVERYTHING changes.  You may have some big bumps in the road!  All the trinket stuff- like clothes, registry, toys, goes away and its down to business.  Just say the magic words and I'll do a vent ;)


~ HMM :)

Posted on October 18, 2009 at 7:57 am
3Ps
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HMM...vent, please!!  I know that the rest of our life as a family is not going to be all rainbow-fartin' unicorns...but I would love to hear what you have to say!

Posted on October 18, 2009 at 9:00 am
WMforever
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vent jamie! vent please! help our ovaries stop aching! lol.

Posted on October 18, 2009 at 4:02 pm
HolyMolyMatrimony
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- Well, the first week or two its was allllll cloud nine!  Jason and I were laalaa I just got the people blues b/c I just wanted us and everyone was bugging haha Come over visit, leave my house a mess, not help or bring us food.  Then we finally got some space and I was relieved- I would just shut off my phone some days.


- Around one month my first bump was going back to work- I got super bummed- I just want to be a mom.  I felt very frustrated.  He was a little peanut and I didn't want to work- I just wasn't ready overall.  Then I sucked it up and started making plans.  I basically lost both jobs for a bit.  Subbing went down the drain b/c all the contracted teachers were laid off over the summer and they got our jobs- they were priority.  Then my boss and I for my other job had a falling out. She cut our pay, then my hours, and I was pissed.  I sent her an email and she wrote back the nastiest email ever.  I just cried.  Saying I was basically worthless and not a good fit.  Keep in mind my hubby works there too!  So it was affecting us.  He sat next to the b*tch all day and I wanted him to stick up for me, but then again its his job too.  No one likes her and no one stands up to her.  I got depressed about what to do, b/c finally I was going to try working.  But all the while I know Im just not ready- Im exhausted and my job is LUCAS.  So I am going to quit. I told her I need a few weeks more with him- but really I was looking for plan B.  So basically I got sooo stressed with all the pressure to work work work.  How can I??????  Im exhausted and do everything!  I can barely function some days lol


- So plan B- I found a few job- THANK GOD and I start next week.  Im in total anxiety to do this.  A new job in the middle of being a new mom and I have so much going on right now- so much. Can I even fuction at a new job??? lol


- So money is a huge issue- me not working, our dog got really sick when I was in the hospital (horrible timing) and he is sick again with something totally different right now.  THOUSANDS of dollars we don't have!


- I just got my medical bill from the birth- over 2k!  (I was under the impression with my insurance it was free! but nope!) 


- Jason and I have a wonderful relationship- but we had a huge bump when Lucas was about 4-8 weeks.  We had to really communicate and duke it out a little.  Motherhood- is NOTHING like fatherhood and that's all I will say.  Keep in mind Jason is perfect- its hard to explain until you go through it though.  I had to find the source of the problems- it was outside things, like some of his family crap, a wedding he was dealing with, working too much, money, my boss issues, health, etc.  But when it rains it pours. Thats why I decided to quit- I didn't want my boss to get in the way of our marriage or a discussion every night at home.  I had to let go of the small stuff b/c those ittle things would pass soon. . .


- Jason travels alot and Im used to it- BUT now with a baby I am a "single mom" as I call it many days out of the month.  He travels 2-5 days at a time and thats when I get exhausted (like this weekend) Plus we have a great relationship and we love being a family, but one of his careers gets in the way all to often.  Plus, now Im not traveling with him like before.  Im home with baby.  and like this weekend- are dog is basically home dying and Im taking care of him and baby- I didn't even eat dinner tonight. So its an adjustment.  Jason's bummed too b.c he'd rather be home- he loves us so much and being a family.  So well either get used to it or he needs to find plan B- but his business (photography) is his passion and I want him to have it.


- Friends with no kids aren't there or don't understand- friends with older kids are above that and haven't been there.- they just say ohh thats nothing, just wait bla bla  My only close GFs right now are the ones that have babies too- like 0-12 months.  So now I visit with them and we vent lol


- Keep in mind- every baby is different!!!!  Lucas has been amazing thank god! BUT one friend has a colicky baby which is horrible, one has severe acid reflux- horrible!, ones doesn't sleep at all at night, one is behind on all there 'milestones,' so you really never know "what you will get" so to speak lol but we are all there for each other- but there is only so much you can do to help- that's why were at least good listeners & friends.  But I only have a few- everyone else is gone and just drops in to say hi -but not really "there" KWIM?


- Some of my friends are REALLY struggling with there husbands- its an adjustment.  Some guys haven't a clue how to care for a baby or even try! - they can't even leave the baby long with dad haha Thank god I can trust Jason- he is great. BUT there is still a 'resentment' sometimes. Like when hes gone for days, he gets to sleep through the nights, still has his hobbies, etc. Its sooooo much different for mom.  So just remember your relationship may take more work once baby is here- OR you could do great and have not one problem. lol but every mom I talk to has something to say- its weather or not people will be open enough with you.  My girls and I can talk about anything.  Theres this 'hidden life' that no one seems to discuss- but its out there lol


- MY BODY IS WARPED lol I felt great during my pregnancy- and after I delivered I lost a bunch of weight and thought "this is easy" but I thought wrong.  All these stretch marks are covering my body- bad.  I think I lost weight too fast????   I got eczema all over my body, hot flashes, and my appetite is still like Im 40 weeks pregnant lol and in the last month- I GAINED 10 lbs!!!!!!!!!  How do you gain weight after a baby????????? WTF lol So now Im 200lbs of a flab!  Now I must really work to get back to myself.  I want to feel sexy again when Im with Jason- and not like I want to hide my body.  Although he has been awesome and never makes me feel bad or anything- its all me.  Still you feel different. Plus i can't even imagining a super diet or exersize- I will have to take baby steps!


- After my birth I was in a lot of pain- with my SPD and stitches- then I got sick- but still had to take care of baby.  I was so worried abouth the birth- but I had a harder time with the aftermath.


- My brother found another lump in his throat :( So were doing a biopsy next week to see if his cancer is back.  So we are on egg shells and anxiety all over again. He was FINALLY feeling better too and getting back to things. so a prayer would be greatly appreciated ;)


- I just had some biopsies too b/c the found pre-cancer cells in my cervix.  Shes been monitoring me every 2 months so it doesn't turn into cancer.   I know this happens to a lot of girls but its still weird to think your vulnerable. Plus it hits home b/c of my brother and my sister had something similar.


- Jasons dad has been having a health issue to- and was hiding it from us!!!!!!  B/c it was a happy time with baby and he didn't want to say.  This is a curve ball right now and were dealing with this as it comes- there still dong tests to properly diagnose him.


 

Posted on October 18, 2009 at 8:02 pm
HolyMolyMatrimony
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- Lucas is my angel, but hes also my best friend.  He goes everywhere with me and controls my day.  So its not about you anymore, all about the baby.  Some days are rough some are perfect.  yes its all worth it, but until you go though it yourself- you wont truly understand.  I do love being a mom and love Jason more then anything.  We have been doing great through all of this- b/c we really love each other.  He is always there for me and understands.  communication is key as well as working on your marriage- emotionally, intellectually, and physically ;)  Also you need some laughter!


- My mom is a huge help!  You will need a support system- through the good and bad.  My mom has 5 kids and 6 grandchildren- its safe to say she understands and knows what shes doing lol I don't know what I'd do with out her! Shes more then willing to help and I don't know what Id do without her. Theres nothing 'wrong' but sometimes you need a break- to shower, eat, grocery shopping, etc.  I have a very active baby and its none stop- hes like his father lol


Overall, you never know your future!  We had some bumps- most were not OUR FAULT necessarily, but affected us none the less.  Timing is everything- and it all hit us at once. We take timeouts to be a family b/c thats what we love love love!  Its all an adjustment, each mother is different, father is different, and child is different.  So you'll really never know your combination, kwim? but you got to get through it b/c your so in love with this child- nothing else matters.  Everyone handles the adjustment differently too- some don't enjoy being a mom as they thought they would have, or like me I like it way more then I thought I would have lol Some need drugs too help (lol aka a zanac or anti depressants) but some don't.  You have to do whats right for you to keep your sanity lol What makes me happy overall is having Jason home.  Were working on that, but you also need to make sure you can pay your bills- so whats first?


Just know- its more then a baby bump, nursery, names, registries, and bedding.  By NO means am I raining on your parade or anything- I was in your shoes once too and still am (I want another baby lol and like now).  I just wanted to vent to help those 'waiting' lol You just have to be realistic and know its so much more. One of my friends is having a really hard time- b/c she thought it would be totally different- she was stuck in the "laa laa" stuff for years.  Jason and I prepared for anything- we always discussed the challenges and what we would do to get through them. Even discussed what I would be like- so he was prepared.  Im lucky to have Jason though- he is truly a great guy.  and hot damn here we are- so I feel we were more prepared- because we expected it to be hard and bumpy at times- make sense? and surprisingly we love every moment- Lucas is our angel! At night he just smiles at me- even at 3am I just think wow I am so lucky and blessed- and it makes you get through the tough times.


Just remember- do what you want to do before that baby gets here- your life will be on hold for a bit- whether its school, travel, weight, money, or whatever- LIVE LIFE!  Now that I have him, I care more then ever to live- and health and happiness is everything.  So do what you got to do in the meantime. While your "waiting" for baby- enjoy your freedom, marriage, live it up- don't "wait" while your waiting so to speak!


On a side note- don't ever forget Im here for you all- whether TTC, preggy, or mommies- I understand you and I am here for anything.  I feel like I have seen an array of experiences and women need to know there not the only ones!  Just know there is a "hidden society" out theres haha


So have fun sex'in it up ladies! **sending ferry dust to your bellies!***


~ HMM :)

Posted on October 18, 2009 at 8:02 pm
HolyMolyMatrimony
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I had to do 2 posts since it was so long!  and I could go on and on!  I just don't want to scare you OR for you to think Im crazy or something.  Its just one of those things you learn from expereience and you never know how things will really unfold- life is so predictable and always changing, just be ready and enjoy what you can.  .  .  I wish you all the very best in TTC, as well what your future holds- I don't want anyone to stuggle or feel pain in their emotions. . .

Posted on October 18, 2009 at 8:37 pm
WMforever
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jamie thanks sooo much for this! this is like the secret no mom ever vented to me because i wasnt "there" like you said. i guess most moms figure, why vent to her she wont get it? but thank you for your honesty! You know there are days where we spend time with our friends babies and DH and i go home and lay in bed exhausted from the day with the kids and we're like, "this is nice (our quiet peaceful home)..are we sure we're ready for the chaos that come with kids!? maybe we should just get a doggy!" haha... we know what we're in for (kinda) and are preparing ourselves.... ahh!!


i'm so sorry for the downside of your experiences! but glad that little lucas and your hubby and life in general make it worthwhile :). I'm sorry to hear about your pup, bro, FIL, and your won health problems. I will pray everything works out for you guys! oxox

Posted on October 19, 2009 at 2:41 am
HolyMolyMatrimony
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Thanks love!  and I mainly griped about 'outside' things lol then you have the child itself and everyone handles that differently.  You can experience...



  • Exhaustion

  • Sleep deprivation

  • Loss or gain of appetite/ weight

  • Hormones are out of wack

  • Frustration

  • Figuring parenting out

  • Trying to learn your kid (esp if she / he has issues)

  • Dealing with constant changes (like with baby, routine, feedings, challenges, etc)

  • Making a routine

  • Juggling the day and all the stuff that also needs to get done

  • chores take a back burner (its not as easy as you would think to get things done- esp work from home) your hands are full most of the day

  • Feeling alone or tied down

  • Nervous when you think somethings wrong with baby- very stressful lol

  • Total lack of time with yourself- sometimes its hard to take care of YOU

  • Lack of alone time with hubby, friends, etc (which is one of the hard things for me since Jason and I are so close and laalaa, that got taken away for a few weeks- but were back on track and making time for us too) Its very important.


Im not saying any of you will have these 'issues' but just know that you 'may' and some are more hard to handle then others.  But you get through it b/c you love that child more than anything.  But that is your life- your job first is a mother- everything else becomes 2nd.  The best advice I would have to give is do what works for YOU, to keep your sanity, motivation, etc. Don't give yourself guilt trips like lots of new moms do. Let go. and most of al you have to take care of yourself! It makes all the difference. . .  Lucas is an "easy" baby so days when I am tired or have struggles- I just say- It could be worse- were happy and healthy, and have made a great family. . .  I feel so blessed to have a wonderful husband and child- it makes all the difference. **Thats why you heard me mention before- make sure your hubby WANTS a kid 110% I hear all the time how "he" doesn't yet or Im talking him into it bla bla and thats a red flag.  Its so much more then the sissy lala stuff- he needs to have it together.  Im sure you all have wonderful husbands- but I have seen those that make it that much more harder!


Its wierd to think all of this and just in 11 weeks haha (hes 11 weeks today)


~ HMM :)

Posted on October 19, 2009 at 4:58 am

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