How do you bring up proposing

Im young, but I would like to be enaged with in 2 years. (I know sounds kinda crazy) But at that time I will have been with my boyfriend 5 years, and I honestly think thats plenty of time to decide if you'd like to spend your life with someone. I was wondering if there are any tips of how I can bring this to his attention. If anyone has been in a simular situation how did you handle it? Thank you for all your opinions.

Posted on December 30, 2013 at 12:30 am
MrsMor
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StrongCFBride
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01/03/2015
StrongCFBride

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 I was with my boyfriend for 8 years before he proposed and we have been engaged for 2 years. We will be together 11 years by the time we get married. We met when we were only 17 & 18. I use to feel like you. I use to say the exact same thing. That he should know if he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and if there is any doubt in his mind, that it probably means we shouldnt be together. At least, that was my mentality. 

It sucked having to wait so long, I wont sugar coat it. Now, I am beyond glad that we did (although I wasn't always). We have grown up so much! We both have completely different goals now and reasons for getting married. 

For us, a lot had to do with him being ready. I finished school first and had the career first and I make good money. He is still getting that part started and for him, he wanted to wait to get married until he could financially support me. He knew it wasnt what I expected but it was a goal he had. I had to respect that even if I didnt agree. Being patient was one of the hardest things I ever had to do.

On the other hand, if I would have given him an ultimatum about it, he probably would have proposed, but it would be because he didnt want to lose me, not because he was ready, and that is no way to start a marriage and a life together.

I will get off my soap box now. I hope this helps. In the end, all you can do is have a REALLY honest conversation with him. The other big piece of advise I have is play by your own rules. Forget about the stigma attached to being with someone so long and still just being a girlfriend and nothing more. Create your own rules, it's your relationship and no one else's.

Hope this helps!

Posted on December 30, 2013 at 1:18 am
NicoleJuliette
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11/12/2011
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Have you and your SO talked about one day getting married? My DH and I talked about it all the time, so I at least knew that it was on his mind. If you haven't started that, maybe now is a good time to start hinting at it. After a certain point I even mentioned a few times the type of ring I would like (that was easy because all of our friends were getting engaged). 

My college roommate gave her SO an ultimatum, but I believe she was a bit older (idk your age?)  they dated for about 8 years and were starting to look at houses. He backed out on a house she fell in love with and she wasn’t happy about that. She told him she needed to see some sort of commitment or she was gone.

Every situation is different, but I’m sure you’ll find your way. Just find a way to talk to your SO and be honest about where you think this is heading.

Posted on December 30, 2013 at 8:42 am
jmbuss9
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07/22/2012
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My husband and I talked about our future and getting married all the time. Since we actually got together. We got married on our 5th year date-anniversary. 

Have you ever brought up marriage to him? Try talking to him and bringing it up. Not in a way where he feels like you are "pushing" him. But in a ways where you want to know what the future holds and when the next step is for yalls relationship?

Posted on December 30, 2013 at 9:25 am
MrsMor
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 Thank you everyone for your opinions, We talk about marriage every now and then.  Someday's he'll make it seem like him and I are going to be together, and then somedays it seems like he wants nothing to do with marrying me.  I'm 23 at the moment, and I figured that if by the time im 25 I want to know if I actually have a serious future with him or if he just is passing the time.  When I bring up getting married to someone other then him he gets upset (although he does it to me all the time!).  But i'm not allowed to bring it up,but if he brings it up then thats ok.  I guess im just confused and I will have a talk with him becuase I don't want to spend time guessing if this person wants to be with me.

Posted on December 30, 2013 at 2:08 pm
Uhlease
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 The ladies have given great advice! Everybody is different. I was 23 when we had been together for three years and it felt like he should know at that point if he wanted to it not-but guys think differently than girls! I definitely wouldn't give him an ultimatum at this point. Honestly waiting is usually better in the long run. People do mature and change and if u guys mature and change together, when do get engaged it will feel that much more special. But having honest conversations about it (and u shouldn't be made to feel bad about bringing it up) is the best way to gauge his thoughts. We got engaged around out 5th anni and the last two years we went through a lot so it's best not to rush :) a lot of my friends were together 5+ years before getting engaged, so it's just whatever is best for u and him. Sorry that seems long post! Lol. Welcome to pw!!

Posted on December 30, 2013 at 7:10 pm
KimandByron
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04/25/2015
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I do agree that by 5 years he should know if he wants a future with you. Engagements can last a long time o getting engaged dont mean you ha e to get married right away. I dont blame you for wanting to know how things stand. I say you need to have a conversation
Posted on December 31, 2013 at 1:06 am
Linnn
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09/14/2014
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 yep all great advise.

if you see a future with him then perhaps you should have patience. 

But like someone said, you have the right to voice what you'd like etc.

Getting married young sometimes can be a good and bad thing I think...when you're older, or men for that matter, they have a better grasp on life.

 

good luck

Posted on December 31, 2013 at 10:28 am
holly_marie_53
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03/06/2014
holly_marie_53

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 My fiance and I were together almost 2 years when he proposed. I knew I was going to marry him shortly after we starting dating. (He did too, just didn't say anything at the time lol) We waited a year before saying "I love you" and talking marriage because we both agreed neither should be mentioned unless we meant it. So we started talking about it and he told me one night "I'm going to propose before the year is over, I promise" And he did! I waited for 8 months after he told me that and was feeling discouraged that he hadn't done it yet. So one day I was showing him rings that I liked and he started telling me that he doesnt think he can because he wants have things just right. But I told him that if he waits until everything is perfect and just right, we'd never get married! Nothing is ever "just right" or "perfect" and a few weeks later he proposed! He told me what really made him he can't wait any longer to propose was when I sent him on a small scavanger hunt around town to pick up some food things I had previously paid for and had him meet me at a park. He said when I did that he thought,"I have to marry this girl." Cause no one else has ever done anything like that for him (: Patience is always key!

Posted on January 3, 2014 at 12:17 am
juudewong
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 girl you got to be CAREFUL!!

 

forgive me if i appear to be generalizing here, but the majority of the men i know are not ready for marriage until 28-35 years old. This is especially true if you live in the city and guys aren't becoming established in their carreers until that age. it's nothing personal.

I dated someone who was 23 when i was younger, and i used to be extremely hurt every time he told me with little explanation that he was "not ready". i always thought that it was something about me that he couldn't accept.  Now that I'm older and am dating someone who is 30, I completely understand and see the difference when a guy is "ready". 

The thirty year old is forward thinking and plans ahead. He is mature enough to put aside immediate wants for long term gains. He has his own business and owns a condo,and makes his own decisions. He doesn't ask his mama for permission or money. He is the one who brings up the topic of marriage and how he forsees that to be our next step in our relationship. I never ever had to struggle with whether he was serious about me or if i'm good enough for him.

On the other hand, the 23 year old after already obtaining a bachelors degree decided to move to the other side of the country to pursue a masters degree, which would take another three years. We tried long distance for a while, but because of the way things played out, it just didn't work no matter how much i thought i loved him. Although we are no longer together, we remained friends. He told me a few months ago (after he is almost finished his masters), that he's going to switch careers again because the first one he picked probably wouldn't allow him to make enough money. Unbelievable. He's going to be 27 soon, and I can most definitely see him be more "ready" for a wife in his mid 30s.

SO, perhaps try to see him being "not ready" as a mature way of admitting that he hasn't got his shit together yet. And believe me, you want that. I used to be jealous of my friends who got married right after university, but now that I see them struggle so much financially while I'm able to have the lifestyle i want because I decided to work full time first, I'm fully grateful for the way things worked out. 

Him being "not ready" because he hasn't got his act together yet, and him "not ready" because he's unsure of YOU, are two completely different things. My friend is with a guy and they have been together for ten years since 16, also told her for a really long time that he wasn't ready. However, he kept reassuring her that he wants to marry her, and finally they're getting married in the summer. So if your bf is doing that, then I think that is up to you if you want to wait or not.

Now that my bf is 30, I am meeting his friends who are also 30. It's sad to see but there are definitely more than a few cases where the girl has spent 7yrs or so (from age 23-30) with guys who wouldn't commit to them. Now that they're 30, imagine their panic and a lot of other baggage they will be carrying into the next relationship. It happens. There are some guys that just don't want to settle. I hope your bf isn't one of them.

 

 

Posted on March 27, 2014 at 6:03 pm
chrismorandean
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chrismorandean

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Posted on March 28, 2014 at 1:55 am

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