How do you define submission?

I am just curious....as to what I am signing up for.  LOL

Posted on May 22, 2011 at 4:55 pm
Happily_MrsM
3
10/29/2011
Happily_MrsM

Happily_MrsM

  • 3
  • 14
  • 740
213
Followers
215
Following

(13) Comments

lcornish1
3
06/20/2010
lcornish1

lcornish1

  • 3
  • 14
  • 1.52k
245
Followers
247
Following

lcornish1

I define submission, as just allowing your husband to be the "head of household" - yes you still make decisions together, yes you can still control the funds or pay all the bills, i think its just allowing him to have the final say, when it comes to certain things, ex.  if you want to buy a 1000.00 table, and he says no i dont think its a good idea, and you dont do it because of what he said..that can be a form of submission.. .. but alot of people do take it out of the wedding vows, just to avoid the whole ordeal of it, which i do understand that too, but i dont see anything wrong with it, if you chose to marry him, you saw qualities in him that you should know he's not going to have you do anything that goes against who you are, or morally incorrect..also in the bible in says men submit to your wives as well, it goes both ways!

Posted on May 23, 2011 at 3:38 am
AllboutMartini
5
08/28/2011
AllboutMartini

AllboutMartini

  • 5
  • 16
  • 5.13k
389
Followers
388
Following

AllboutMartini

Co-signing Lcornish1 answer.


Its submitted in him in every way. The husband is the head, he is the person who should be making the big decisions for his family. Not saying that a discussion is not be to had before hand but ultimately it is his responsibility to make the right decisions for his family. Submitting is easy when your husband has he mind and priorities right.

Posted on May 23, 2011 at 8:07 am
miss*bling
4
08/14/2009
miss*bling

miss*bling

  • 4
  • 12
  • 2.18k
641
Followers
645
Following

miss*bling

I would say I make the final decisons in our relationship- I tend to be less spontaneous and think things through more and am more logical realist than him- we always talk through every decision together but I would say I have the final say on things or things tend to go my way more often- this works for us- I'm not sure what or why you would need to submit to your husband??

Posted on May 24, 2011 at 6:23 am
ccia84
4
03/05/2010
ccia84

ccia84

  • 4
  • 11
  • 2.66k
305
Followers
308
Following

ccia84

I agree with miss*bling...


I don't submit to my husband.  To me marriage is a partnership and we make decisions together.

Posted on June 1, 2011 at 10:14 am
Happily_MrsM
3
10/29/2011
Happily_MrsM

Happily_MrsM

  • 3
  • 14
  • 740
213
Followers
215
Following

Happily_MrsM

I plan to submit to my husband.  When we were in counseling, our counselor told us that basically by submitting to him...I gave up my right to have a say so on anything.  She basically told him to do what he wants and "tell" me how things would be.  That was not the way I viewed submission.  I agree with LCornish1 on what it means.


We have been living together for over a year.  he is the head of the house and has the final say so.  I would not marry someone I did not feel was in a position to serve as the "head".  That doesn't mean I am weak and have no opinion or backbone...I am just allowing my man to be what he is...the man.   


The flip side to that...he has not made one decision without consulting with me. I am pretty comfortable with my decision.


I was just curious how everyone else viewed this...

Posted on June 21, 2011 at 3:21 am
miss*bling
4
08/14/2009
miss*bling

miss*bling

  • 4
  • 12
  • 2.18k
641
Followers
645
Following

miss*bling

wow I am too stubborn to ever do that or even think that way- everything is mutual lol well to each their own

Posted on June 23, 2011 at 11:51 am
plumcrush01
15
07/03/2010
plumcrush01

plumcrush01

  • 15
  • 20
  • 19k
620
Followers
619
Following

plumcrush01

Big ol' ditto to missbling LOL!!  Everything is mutual for us...even one of our readings at our wedding said: "a relationship in which the independence is equal, dependence is mutual and the obligation is reciprocal. "

Posted on June 23, 2011 at 12:16 pm
TimilyL
5
11/11/2011
TimilyL

TimilyL

  • 5
  • 18
  • 5.73k
313
Followers
315
Following

TimilyL

No submission in the vows.  No submission anywhere, really.


I grew up with my mother being the strength of my entire family, and my father having killed himself by drinking heavily over 30 years, so I knew nothing else but strong female leadership of the family.


I love my husband tremendously, and I find that whenever I'm in need of advice, he's my final opinon.  I tend to do what he says, because he does indeed (as Martine said) have the right mind.  I trust his decision making skills, and so if I need help with something I know he's the person to turn to.  I don't look at that as submission.  (Bringing that back to my family, that used to be my mother.  She was the ultimate source of advice, and she still is a strong source of advice, but my husband's advice is just as good usually, which is a rare and surprising thing.  No wonder she likes him so much!)


To each his or her own, but our relationship is not about submission.  It's about support.

Posted on January 29, 2012 at 3:25 pm
carolinawedding
15
03/19/2011
carolinawedding

carolinawedding

  • 15
  • 19
  • 15.5k
377
Followers
377
Following

carolinawedding

Ditto Timily! Well, flip-flopping one thing. In his family, his mom is definitely the decision maker. They always have discussions, but FIL takes the mindset that she's the responsible one and can handle it all. Not that he's weak, just... well, doesn't feel like doing it if he doesn't have to. So for DH I think he sought a stronger-willed wife that could take care of the major things and keep it all running behind the scenes while he manages other stuff. We consult one another, but there's no real "end all be all decision maker."


Example, he hates the bookshelf we have in the office and wants a better one. He asked me about it and I agreed that it needed to be replaced at some point, but reminded him that I wanted a good quality one that would end up costing more so it's best we wait a little while and look around. He wasn't exactly pleased because it's an issue that has been getting to him, and his point was that it would help with organizing the house and getting rid of the clutter. Additionally, there have been some times where we put off doing something and it just doesn't happen. But after talking it over a little more, we agreed we'd start looking but not make any decision any time soon.

Posted on January 30, 2012 at 1:22 am
fromcoldtofire
10
07/08/2011
fromcoldtofire

fromcoldtofire

  • 10
  • 20
  • 10.3k
463
Followers
463
Following

fromcoldtofire

Count me in with Timily and Carolina. I respect DH's opinion tremendously, and I agree with the girls who say they wouldn't have married men who don't have strong priorities and good heads on their shoulders. However, just because my husband is capable doesn't mean that I can't be, as well. Neither of us would make a major decision without consulting the other, and I think that is symbolic of the strength of our relationship.


We are equals, and we have a beautiful partnership. Neither one holds the upper hand, because that would mean that one of us has more power than the other, and that's not equality. That doesn't mean that each of us doesn't have our own strengths and individual areas of autonomy, but when it comes to the things that affect us both, it only makes sense that both of us are involved in the final decision. It's one of the ways that we show our respect for one another and one of the ways that we're drawn together as a couple.

Posted on January 30, 2012 at 1:54 am
TimilyL
5
11/11/2011
TimilyL

TimilyL

  • 5
  • 18
  • 5.73k
313
Followers
315
Following

TimilyL

Good answers, ladies.


Carolina, I think that your ideas on your DH seeking out a wife of a strong opinion are very interesting.  Most of my female friends are very strong-willed, and I have heard a lot of females in the past complain that guys seek out less opinionated women. 


I guess the mother does play more of a role in this than I'd imagine.  DH's mother is very outspoken, and while she may not be the head decision maker, she is definitely the more vocal of the two.  My BIL's fiancee (may as well be my SIL) is also much more outspoken and more social than he is.  Funny too, DH's uncle (his father's brother) is also sort of a hermit, and I'll never forget meeting his wife (Aunt Susan) - it was downstairs in the hotel they were staying at for the wedding, getting breakfast, and I hear from across the room "THERE SHE IS!!  IT'S THE BRIDE!!!!!!!" There was hugging and craziness and she was super unbelievably outgoing, and DH's uncle tended to speak very little.


Odd how family patterns go like that sometimes.  I do think that family models play a huge role in this.

Posted on February 24, 2012 at 10:26 am
carolinawedding
15
03/19/2011
carolinawedding

carolinawedding

  • 15
  • 19
  • 15.5k
377
Followers
377
Following

carolinawedding

DH is probably a little more rare than I realize about that quality. I know he's not alone, and he has a few friends that are the same way. But I feel like most of the men I interact with have different expectations. Actually, many are very extreme and I've heard the phrase "I put that bitch in her place" one too many times. Not sure how that's okay to anyone, but whatever. He has gotten questions though, about why he would allow me to make decisions and older men that go on about why he should learn to put his foot down. That's not him, that's not me, and that's not our marriage.


And to the point of family patterns, totally agree! I think that's where DH gets his ideas from, watching his parents in their marriage.

Posted on February 29, 2012 at 8:55 am
alyciamarlene
4
07/23/2011
alyciamarlene

alyciamarlene

  • 4
  • 18
  • 3.43k
256
Followers
252
Following

alyciamarlene

I am with Timily, Carolina, and FCTF on this one. DH and I talk about things, we make decisions together, and if I don't agree with something he wants to do I tell him why and we reach an agreement together. I trust his judgement, but he is the more spontaneous 'live for now don't save money' kind of guy so I need to be there to put my foot down and explain to him why a savings is important. I think it's also really important to our marriage to have open communication about decisions. If I just went along with everything he wanted and didn't speak up I would wind up carrying around a lot of resentment and one day it would come out in an entirely unnecessary way.


But that is just our relationship, and the kind of person I am so I'm not saying that it would end up this way for everyone. For example, with my parents my dad is really frugal, he doesn't like to spend money except on things like savings, retirement, and their mortgage. He had their mortgage paid off before they were 40 because that was what was important to him. My mom on the other hand loves to buy things for her photography, so she's the more spendy one. But my dad puts his foot down and makes the decisions for them and she listens to him, because that's their marriage, and it works for them.

Posted on May 9, 2012 at 4:14 am

Have a question? Contact Support
Top Contributors this Week
Canooknic
19 posts
LauraSweet
19 posts
Levisjoe
11 posts
zeuster
10 posts
hisladibug8815
8 posts
Kittywolf13
8 posts