How to get him involved?

How do you get your fiance to WANT to help plan? I'm lucky to have a guy who really cares about the food and who's attending, but how can I get him excited about everything else too?

Posted on July 9, 2013 at 8:05 am
callwine
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06/29/2017
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(12) Comments

daniroth
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09/06/2014
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I'm having the same problem!! I've been showing him how stressed I am and that's been getting him to realize I need help... now he's starting to like some of the planning!

Posted on July 9, 2013 at 9:11 am
beccabride
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10/10/2010
beccabride

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Maybe asking him what his likes and dislikes are, and coming up with an inspiration board here and showing him might get your FI into the planning.


 

Posted on July 9, 2013 at 9:26 am
Uhlease
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09/02/2012
Uhlease

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Guys definitely aren't as into as we are (usually), so ditto Becca, ask him his likes and dislikes. Ask what he might be interested in helping with. Try to have fun with it. If he's not having fun that's no bueno, so don't force him to do anything, kwim? Good luck :)

Posted on July 9, 2013 at 3:00 pm
MnP2013
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04/18/2014
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just show him everything and get his input whenever you can. Girls mostly are the ones that are involved in theprocess so if he's not interested in the little details you know you can get your girls to enjoy them!

Posted on July 10, 2013 at 2:18 am
mrswolter
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11/16/2013
mrswolter

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If you want to put him in charge of something but YOU don't want to worry about it because what the task actually is, give him "easy" jobs like...



  • Finding and reserving the honeymoon location/hotel

  • DJ/Band

  • Tuxedo appt.

  • Trying the food and cake with you

  • Stuffing STDs and invitations with you


That's more than enough jobs for him to feel involved. My fiance is in charge of the honeymoon (booking it and paying for it). He helped me stuff all of the STDs and will help stuff all of the invites with that time comes. And he'll come help pick out the cakes with it's time too (and he'll of course enjoy taste testing them as well, hehe).

Posted on July 10, 2013 at 2:30 am
meandean
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07/16/2013
meandean

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I've been very lucky with mine. We didn't have TONS of playing to do, per see, b/c we are doing a beach wedding, but we are having a small reception(VERY small) when we get back, and he has been a real trooper. He helped me to stuff invitation envelopes, put ribbons on bubbles, and labels on water bottles and he has given his opinion the whole way through. The ONLY thing I really had a problem with was him getting the addresses for some of his reception invites, but I finally told him that I wasn't asking for them any more, that those people just woudn't get invited, and that did the trick lol.

Posted on July 10, 2013 at 4:14 am
foreverlovex
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05/31/2014
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I agree with the others. Give him a few "jobs" so to speak and you guys can work together and brainstorm ideas, and who knows he may just take over and do them on his own. I did this with my future hubby and he just started getting all these ideas and actually made our cake topper himself!

Posted on July 10, 2013 at 4:32 am
MrsCaleYoung
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06/30/2012
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I didn't have that problem at all! My DH was too involved at times and drove me nuts!!! Lol. Is there anything in particular you want him to be involved in or excited about? Have you started looking at venues yet? Once you guys start really getting into the process, he may show more excitement. Like my DH surprised me when he went with me to the cake tasting and to listen to the music from the guitarist I hired for our wedding ceremony. He was really involved, made great suggestions and made me tear up! Sometimes it seemed he didn't care as much as I did about certain things until the time came to make a decision. 

Posted on July 11, 2013 at 8:43 am
krosa
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09/16/2012
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most guys arent into all the details.  that is ok.  hopefully your moh will be willing to talk about all the details with you and go to the meetings that your guy is just not into.  find what he is excited about.  for most guys it is food, music, and transportation.  regardless of how he feels, he NEEDS to agree on the venue.  if he isnt into flowers and linens and doesnt have some strange phobia or belief about specific flowers, then you plan that part of the wedding.  maybe let him plan the transportation all by himself.  let him know what you need/want and let him choose the rest.  he will feel great that you trust his judgement.  


if your guy were into all the details would your wedding look the way you want it to, or would you have to compromise a ton to make him happy.  think about that too.  let him slack on some of the planning, but he should help some too.  it will help you to create a bond and help him to get excited for the day just like you are.

Posted on July 11, 2013 at 5:04 pm
callwine
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06/29/2017
callwine

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Thanks for your help!!! He's coming around :)

Posted on July 26, 2013 at 3:40 am
GordonS
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04/30/2018
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 These are some great ideas !

Posted on July 28, 2013 at 6:30 am
jbsk833
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07/03/2011
jbsk833

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 I gave my hubby specific jobs that were his own projects, things that he was interested in.  If your FI isn't interested in ANYthing, explain that these are things that just have to get done and you need his help.  I'm sure that he will be more willing to help if he understands that these are things that just have to get done and he wants you both to have a memorable day.  

I agree with the jobs listed above.  Here is what I got my guy to do:

  • All music related projcets- hiring/communicating with DJ, creating the playlists (we came up with the special songs together though)
  • All groomsmen related tasks- suits/tuxes, shoes, responsibilities, bought their gifts, etc.
  • Created the escort cards- we did a NYC theme reception, so he wrote every guest's name on a metrocard
  • Made our "directions" pole, which told guests where to find the different parts of our reception (dinner, dancing, desserts, etc) because our reception was in a two floor mansion with multiple rooms.
  • Guest relations with his family- making sure everyone had their travel plans secure, knew where everyone was staying, that everyone had transportation, etc.
  • He went to all the food tastings, and he ended up loving the caterer we chose and to this day he talks about how great the food was.  Since he helped choose it, I know he feels proud of this.
  • He helped with the honeymoon planning also- I think most guys really enjoy this part!  ;)
  • Helped with the registry.  He didn't care as much about this as I did, but most guys are still happy enough to look for things that you are going to share together in your new home!  Make sure he gets to pick out some things that are just for him!
  • Helped write thank you cards for vendors and for gifts

For me, I was able to trust that he could do these tasks well, and I didn't have to worry about them anymore.  I'll tell you, he really didn't care about anything else though.  He came with me to my flower appointment, and SAT IN THE CAR!  I was a little annoyed, but whatever, he just didn't care.  I just was thankful that he took ownership of his jobs, and then I just had to do the rest by myself and with the gals at PW!  =) Good luck!

Posted on July 29, 2013 at 9:50 am

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