I am Losing It

Ah, okay this whole wedding stuff is making me go crazy! I got asked the other day if I was getting cold feet yet, and with out thinking I just blurted out YES! The reason I don't want to get married is because of this wedding planning. I NEVER wanted a huge wedding. All I wanted was a simple beach ceremony with just our close family and a few friends. I am not ALLOWED this since his parents are giving us 5000 dollars to use however we want, but they think it should be for the wedding. And since technically then they are "paying" for the wedding they get to have it the way they want. My FI has to invite ALL of this dad's side of the family which is about 60-80 people including cousins, and they all live in Houston. My family is very small and my intire guest list is 35 people included work, friends and family.


He wants this stupid big, CHEAP, wedding but is backing out of everything he says he will help on. He was suppose to get the photographer, but didn't, I did. He was suppose to find us a place to live, he didn't, I did. The list goes on and on. I am stressed out because I am not from Houston and know virtually no one here so I have zero help! Everything that I say to him goes in one ear and out the other. I am so fed up that I just want to call it quits and move back home...just run away from all this mess!


 


HELP ME!!!

Posted on July 23, 2008 at 8:27 am
txbride08
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txbride08

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(18) Comments

prbetsi75
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05/08/2010
prbetsi75

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Take a deep breathe!  So sorry to hear you're feeling stressed!  I think you should elope! lol!  sorry, but if I ever heard a case of eloping, yours is it!  Yes men are procrastinators and not very good wedding-planning-helpers.  Are you having a destination wedding?  That usually helps keep weddings small since a lot of people can't travel due to time and money constraints.  And $5,000 will buy you a beautiful DW.  And you get your intimate dream wedding on a beach.  I'm probably not helping, sorry. 


Hang in there.  Have you expressed to your FI that you really need his help through this process?  Really have a talk with him and tell him that he MUST pitch in and do his part since a lot of this planning is to appease his family.


Don't know what else to say except that this stress so close to your wedding is normal and that it will get better, and in the end it will have been the best day of your life. 


If I were in your area, I would totally help you!  But all us PW girls are here for you!

Posted on July 23, 2008 at 8:55 am
Paddysgirl
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Paddysgirl

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Oh honey, I've felt the same way off and on. I thought this was going to be us doing everything together and it's really me doing most things. But I've come to accept that he just gets overwhelmed with details and wedding planning is nothing but details so I'm better than I was. But I tell you, it made me do a lot of questioning about things.


Do you think your guy is just overwhelmed by it all and he doesn't know where to start?


What does he tell you when you ask him why he hasn't done the things he promised to do?


I know how frustrated you are. Are you hiring a wedding planner? I'd say if he's not going to help you, it's the least he can do!


 

Posted on July 23, 2008 at 9:02 am
YoungBride21
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07/03/2009
YoungBride21

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I think that you should follow your heart. YOUR wedding day is suppose to be what you want. (and a lil of what he wants) not what his parents want. I think if you don't get the wedding you have dreamed of, and have to do what other people want you to do... you'll regret it. I think you should sit down and talk about it with him and let him know how you are feeling. Maybe don't except the money from his parents, so you don't feel obligated. (unless u totally need the money). Maybe a DW would be good... just a few ideas... 


Good luck! Be calm, take a deep breath, and just listen to your heart! 

Posted on July 23, 2008 at 9:14 am
abattyref
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10/06/2007
abattyref

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Definately take a deep breath! It's going to be alright. I felt the same way too. While I loved my wedding and was happy to have everyone there, it wasn't my dream wedding by far. If our families would have been alright with it, we would have had a small wedding (less than 20 people) over looking the beach or Lake Tahoe. Neither of us wanted a big wedding, and it turned into something that we completely compromised on with our families.


Paddy might be on to something. Does your FI need some you to get things started for him? My DH was pretty useless in the planning process. I learned early on that if I wanted his input, I needed to keep it very simple and give him 2 or 3 options. There was no way he would have been able to pick a photographer without me showing him where to look first. And then he would have procrastinated until it was too late simply because there would have been WAY too many options for him. But I knew this when we got started and I was happy with planning the wedding around him.


You definately need to sit down with your FI and lay it all out. Make him understand that you're only having "this" wedding to make his family happy and he needs to participate too. Especially since you don't know Houston and most of the guests are HIS friends and family. Let him know your feelings about giving up going back home. Make sure he knows how frustrating this is for you. He needs to step it up and contribute! If he still doesn't get it, then I'd take that $5k and get married in Hawaii just the two of you. ;-)


Good luck and know that you're not alone on this one.

Posted on July 23, 2008 at 9:17 am
txbride08
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txbride08

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Thanks gals! I think the whole talking to him is what really pisses me off...he will not listen to me and we get in a fight everytime. Like just now I emailed him for the third time to print the lables for the invites that should have been in the mail Friday. He got all pissed at me bc I am not in the mood to ask nicely again, and he told me to do it! Like I have not done ALL of the wedding ALONE!!!


I honestly am having the worst feelings toward him and just want to scream in his face that I hate him! I know that is horrible!

Posted on July 23, 2008 at 9:20 am
WMforever
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06/14/2009
WMforever

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oh no cryflore!! i'm so sorry you're going through this. i know what its like to want to just give up and run away (we almost decided on that this weekend..very scary!). your last paragraph, was that your fiance who was supposed to find the photographer and place to live but flaked? if so, you really need to have a serious (NON EMOTIONAL) talk with him. Be straight out, honest, and serious. Tell him how you are feeling and what its leading you to consider. Tell him you just can't handle the stress and pressure and NO HELP!


also, you could totally do a sweet wedding with 5 grand. But just tell them not with mariachis and top shelf tequila or big band and free flowing champagne! They need to get real. My friend had a super sweet wedding. She rented out a park, rented some tables and chairs, ordered mexican food and used flowers from her families different gardens. I think she only spent 3 grand! You could totally do it and bring in a band or whatever it is taht you guys really want! Look for a park with water or a lake and it could be very nice!  

Posted on July 23, 2008 at 9:25 am
Sarahinwonderland
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Sarahinwonderland

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Ok breathe. I think you just need to let loose and relax. You are not required to plan the wedding of other peoples dreams! They are your dreams and you need to cater to yourself. I think you should stop trying to make other people happy and do what you really want. Yeah some people might get upset, but its your wedding and they will have to get over it!


Just try and take a day to relax. I think you and FI should take a whole Saturday to spend time with each other. That always helps me relax.

Posted on July 23, 2008 at 9:50 am
MissQnomore
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MissQnomore

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ooh good idea sarah.  and a whole day WITHOUT wedding talk. just be a couple in love that day.

Posted on July 23, 2008 at 9:55 am
JustAnothrBridezilla
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09/13/2008

JustAnothrBridezilla

hang in there! I know exactly how you feel and just as I was going to post you said it all for me.. hahaha I wish I could give you advice but I can't b/c I'm in your shoes and have been balling my eyes out for 2 days over wedding stress... i just know we need to hang in there.

Posted on July 23, 2008 at 10:23 am
dsatwood
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oh cryflore, i'm so sorry.  please just remember one thing.... a wedding is about celebrating the love between you and your fiance.  if the wedding planning is coming between the two of you, please just talk to him (with that in mind) and try refocus on what's important - your relationship and being happy.  let him know that you feel that the wedding planning is becoming more of a problem than it should be.  tell him what's important to you and try to work out something that makes both of you happy - don't worry about anyone else or their money.  this is between you and your fiance.

Posted on July 23, 2008 at 10:46 am
txbride08
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txbride08

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Thanks! I think I'm gonna avoid him for a couple of days...my mom is coming to visit me for the first time! Maybe we can talk then, but I am still fuming right now, so I know I will just make things worse!


JustAnotherBride: I hope eerything works out for you as well...I think I am ready for my B-Party so I can just let loose!

Posted on July 23, 2008 at 10:53 am
SunsetHawaiiWeddings
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SunsetHawaiiWeddings

So give the $5000 back, if you still can, and ask them to plan a great reception. Do the destination wedding on your own bill and remember, that you are accepting him the way he is.. YOu think he's not helping with the wedding, wait until its the children or the yard or the garbage. My husband helps incredibly with the children and beautifully too. He cooks and works and makes beautiful music for me everyday. Things he doesn't do... things I always have to do on my own, well I just have to remind myself, I accepted him knowing this when we got married. If you do not like it now, do not think it is going to change, most men just let the women do it all, some help, but most don't...


I know you probably will not be able to give back the $5000. But you can lay the responsibility on his family and just let it go if this is not even your dream. Watch out or they will be forcing you to do many things based on giving you a gift, especially when you have children. If you state your boundaries now they will know and might call you names but at least you will not feel forced into being what you are not for the rest of your life.

Posted on July 23, 2008 at 11:09 pm
WMforever
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WMforever

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Sunset has a great idea! Give that money back to them and have THEM plan the reception. Before that, you and your fiance should elope on your own bill. Maybe drive down to somewhere beautiful in Mexico and marry on a beach or a beautiful old church. Then drive back up and have the reception they plan for you! If they insist on being present for the ceremony then just have another one that they plan for you too!

Posted on July 24, 2008 at 1:57 am
txbride08
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txbride08

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Yeah thats the crappy part...we never really got the 5000. They are having us tell them where we need the money and then they give it to us. Like for the invitationswe told them the price and they wrote us a check and we paid for them. I think part of the reason they are doing it like this is because they don't have 5000 just at their disposal right now...so they are doing it in increments.


I think my FH is feeling the pressure now after my explosion yesterday via email. He emailed me this morning saying that he finally printed the labels last night, and that he is going to type up all of his address labels for his family.

Posted on July 24, 2008 at 2:27 am
Chery2b
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10/15/2007
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I am right there with you, girl!!!! I wanted 30 people and candles...and I got 150 high maintenance  people with too great an expectation. If you can, just do whatever you and your FI want...you only get married once and talkers talk forever.  Calling all Texas brides.....

Posted on July 24, 2008 at 5:26 am
JustAnothrBridezilla
4
09/13/2008

JustAnothrBridezilla

My FI and I got fed up last year and eloped on the beach just the 2 of us and my MOH and his BM were there too.  We went for a great diner and drink on the beach in Malibu. But we are still here planning the actual wedding b/c no one knows except our parents and my parents can't have their only daughter not have a big beautiful wedding with the whole family.  So here we are going thru the pain.  I can't complain too much b/c I wanted a big wedding too but now..hummm...nope I still want it!

Posted on July 24, 2008 at 5:35 am
txbride08
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txbride08

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Man...the more I start thinking about the future then it seems like someday we will get there and it will be great...but I swear he must had read my rant on here...this is what he sent me in a email today:


I will be able to get some more stuff taken care of tonight so let me know!  I love you!  Sorry we don’t get along when we only communicate by phone or email lately.  The sooner we can get ready for it this will all be over and we will be together forever!  That makes it all worth it to me.


Now I feel like I can't be mad at him!!!

Posted on July 24, 2008 at 7:12 am
jharks
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jharks

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aww he sounds like a sweetie. He clearly loves you to pieces. Just cut him some slack and don't take all your anger at his family out on him. Remember why you said yes in the first place and take yourself back to that place.


BUT, if you really feel like calling it off, or avoiding him for days, then maybe you two should go talk to a marriage counselor about if getting married is the right thing to do. Sorry, I know that isn't what you want to hear, but from the things you are saying, you are having serious doubts. I just know, personally, I don't want to be another statistic and have to do this all a second time..... sorry girly, hope it works out

Posted on July 24, 2008 at 7:17 am

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