I can understand why you're single Grrrrr....
Dear Woe-is-me, Life sucks because I don’t have a man co-worker, Everyday you come in and complain about how horrible your life is because you are single. You are constantly telling me and the married women in the office that we should be happy that we have a good man, because dating in NYC is so bad, most men are dogs blah blah blah …. But you are the pickiest, most uncompromising person I have ever met. Don’t get me wrong I’m not suggesting that you to lower your incredibly high standards, but must EVERY LITTLE thing be a deal breaker. Okay so we get that you only like guys with “swagger” and that you couldn’t possibly date the nice guy at the gym who you think is flirting with you because he doesn’t have said “swagger” amd wears plaid shirts and khakis. We get it! And yes we realize that you are one of those people who doesn’t put up with any crap and that it applies to every area of your life including your relationships--- oh, but I forgot, you don’t have a relationship.
Dear I Need Mr. Right, Right Now Co-worker,
Oh how I hate you, let me count the ways. You are sooooo very annoying, overbearing and rude. I couldn’t imagine any sane man wanting to spend an hour with you much less the rest of his life. I understand that you are in your on words “almost forty” (oh the shame) so you “don’t have time to play games”. But relationships are not built overnight. So you read a few books or articles that have apparently advised you to be upfront about what you want in a relationship when you meet men. But let me be clear: They were not talking about that upfront. Most men are not going to start talking marriage and kids on the first or second date. Is it lost on you that you broke up with the last guy you dated (who in your own words was a “good man”) after 4 months because he wasn’t moving fast enough for you, and now you’re single and much further away from you goal of getting married, having kids and the whole white picketed fence existence that you want?
How rude of you and Woe is me, life sucks because I’m single, to ask me about my engagement and wedding plans and then tell me how after 6 years it was time for FI to “put a ring on it” and that the both of you don’t believe in long engagements and then even after I explained our situation that I went graduate school and I wasn’t working, for you ( I Need Mr.Right, RightNow) to say that if a man wants to marry a woman then he would find a way to do it. But then again, since NOBODY ever wanted to marry you maybe you know better than me.
I love the way the two of you ended our conversation by saying maybe that’s why you don’t have a man. Oh but I forgot, every time the two of you start complaining about not having a man, you end the conversation with your smug, “I don’t put up with nonsense, I don’t take any crap off of anybody, maybe that’s why I don’t have a man” attitude as to imply that those of us who are in relationships are putting up with crap.
You two are the bitterest broads EVER. Trust me, the reason “you don’t have a man” isn’t because you don’t take crap from anybody it’s because nobody wants to take YOUR crap. Please do me a favor and don’t ask me anything else about my wedding and in the meantime, you can both kiss my e-ring ! Ughhh!!!!!!!