I don't want to be a Matron of Honor for my sister's wedding. Advice?

I was married last year.  My sister was my maid of honor.  She complained the whole time about the pressure of being a maid of honor and how she didn't know how to do anything.  She did not throw any showers or party.  My friends stepped up.  But I felt thoroughly embarassed.  She rarely helped and when she did she made it seem like she was doing a huge favor for me.  She complained to my mom how much pressure she felt and how ungrateful she felt I was being my mom defended her.   I've always taken care of her like she's a daughter not a younger sister.  So I was very disappointed when she didn't step up.  She was drunk at my wedding and ddin't help me with much during the wedding.  She did make a speech.  About 5 months after my wedding, her friend got married and my sister was the maid of honor.  She threw the bridal shower, researched and helped her friend.  Even asked me to help her friend.  I was pretty sickened.  So now she's getting married and she wants me to be the matron of honor.  I don't want to at all.  She left a pretty bad taste in my mouth.  If I don't, my family will say I'm being petty.  But I'm just really hurt by the whole thing.  I know if I become the matron of honor, I'll end up doing everything for her because I've always done everything for her.  Advice?  Am I being petty? I don't even know how to feel at this point but confused.

Posted on March 1, 2011 at 4:38 am
smithb
1
11/20/2011
smithb

smithb

  • 1
  • 1
  • 2
2
Followers
6
Following

(17) Comments

Kaytana17
15
07/17/2010
Kaytana17

Kaytana17

  • 15
  • 17
  • 17.4k
343
Followers
345
Following

Kaytana17

No - you're not being petty at all. I would be equally irritated, hurt and upset as you are.


I would also decline her offer to be matron of honor. Tell her that life is extremely busy right now and you don't think you have the time to commit to that type of role.


Family be d*mned. Sometimes family needs a dose of reality that when you treat people poorly that it will come back to you.

Posted on March 1, 2011 at 4:41 am
Staraceli
1
07/09/2011
Staraceli

Staraceli

  • 1
  • 7
  • 109
57
Followers
61
Following

Staraceli

I'm truly sorry that your sister made you go through that.  I think you should be honest with her and tell her that although you love her very much, that you don't feel comfortable being her Matron of Honor.  Be honest and tell her she hurt your feelings.

Posted on March 1, 2011 at 4:44 am
dfvalent
4
05/14/2011
dfvalent

dfvalent

  • 4
  • 13
  • 3.53k
168
Followers
171
Following

dfvalent

Yup. Ditto katyana. 

Posted on March 1, 2011 at 4:44 am
LadyESQ
4
04/10/2011
LadyESQ

LadyESQ

  • 4
  • 12
  • 4.58k
338
Followers
339
Following

LadyESQ

It is your sister.  She obviously thinks enough of you to make you her MOH.  My advice is to put your differences aside and step up to the plate.

Posted on March 1, 2011 at 4:46 am
chloenkitty
2
09/10/2011
chloenkitty

chloenkitty

  • 2
  • 10
  • 407
40
Followers
44
Following

chloenkitty

Do what you need to hon, it's your day! I'm so sick of people having to tip toe and worry about others, it's your day! Maybe because I'm a little older bride, but we have to learn to say no to things we really don't want. I say pick whoever is truly close to you and that you know would love the job. Maybe this will give your sister a hint of her actions. I wouldn't stress over it, just do it.

Posted on March 1, 2011 at 4:47 am
Alliesauce
15
08/22/2010
Alliesauce

Alliesauce

  • 15
  • 19
  • 18.6k
573
Followers
572
Following

Alliesauce

Are you living my life?!?!  I am my sister's MOH for her wedding this coming Saturday, she was mine in August.  And it has been very stressful.  I went through a lot of what you went through with my own wedding.  But you know what, though it has been a battle, I stepped up to the plate and decided to do the right thing.  Which is to NOT be spiteful and wear the title of MOH with my head held high.  Even though she has been unappreciative a lot of the time, I know I am doing the right thing.  I am being the MOH I wish she had been.


Holding grudges and comparing every situation, though tempting, is exhausting and not worth it, life is too short!!  Be the bigger person!!  *hugs*

Posted on March 1, 2011 at 4:51 am
LadyHope
5
01/01/2011
LadyHope

LadyHope

  • 5
  • 20
  • 6.43k
187
Followers
189
Following

LadyHope

Tell her that you don't think you can accept the responsibilities that come with being a MOH. If you'd rather be a regular bridesmaid offer to do that; otherwise tell her you can't wait to be a guest at her wedding.


 If anyone says you're being petty, make it clear that you are doing this for HER benefit--you want her to have a MOH who has the time and ability to fulfill all the MOH duties, and you didn't want to disappoint her by not living up to all you should be as a MOH. You want her wedding to be the BEST and she deserves the BEST MOH she can have--and that isn't you.


Your wedding does not need to enter the conversation in any way, shape, or form--it's all about your sister, her wedding, and her having the best attendants she can. You want what's best for HER--and who can fault you for that?

Posted on March 1, 2011 at 4:52 am
SoontobeMrsB
3
12/22/2011
SoontobeMrsB

SoontobeMrsB

  • 3
  • 11
  • 1.63k
149
Followers
153
Following

SoontobeMrsB

Ditto Kaytana. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

Posted on March 1, 2011 at 4:55 am
SpringBride2011
10
05/21/2011
SpringBride2011

SpringBride2011

  • 10
  • 18
  • 10.2k
432
Followers
433
Following

SpringBride2011

I would decline, and if your family thinks your being petty I would just explain that your sister hurt you so bad by the way she acted for your wedding and if they can't understand that then thats their problem.


I can't believe she stepped up for her friends wedding but not her sisters....I would definitely tell her to go fly a kite

Posted on March 1, 2011 at 4:56 am
smithb
1
11/20/2011
smithb

smithb

  • 1
  • 1
  • 2
2
Followers
6
Following

smithb

Thanks for all your advice.  I think I'm going to ask her to think long and hard if she really wants me to be her matron of honor.  I did tell her how I felt after her friends wedding so she knows but she felt she did nothing wrong.  I think I'll tell her that I always wanted to be there for her wedding but her behavior from my wedding really scarred me.  I'll let her make the decision on her own.  Maybe she'll realize that it's not a good idea for me to be her Matron of Honor.

Posted on March 1, 2011 at 5:02 am
dymonsatl
3
04/02/2011
dymonsatl

dymonsatl

  • 3
  • 13
  • 1.06k
171
Followers
173
Following

dymonsatl

As much as I don't want to because it's not fair, I agree with LadyESQ ... You don't want to bring tension between the family and divide them over who's side to take... I'd be pissed, but you are older and should take the high road.. but definitely tell her how you feel... Let it all out and keep it moving

Posted on March 1, 2011 at 5:05 am
miss*bling
4
08/14/2009
miss*bling

miss*bling

  • 4
  • 12
  • 2.18k
641
Followers
645
Following

miss*bling

I totally agree with Aliiesauce here-


 


She's your sister and someday she will prob realize how great you have been- I would avoid the drama and be as helpful as you can be and accept the honor

Posted on March 1, 2011 at 5:07 am
Alliesauce
15
08/22/2010
Alliesauce

Alliesauce

  • 15
  • 19
  • 18.6k
573
Followers
572
Following

Alliesauce

I'm not sure how many ladies that actually HAVE a sister replied here so I'm going to put in my .02 again.  I'm know I'm being blunt here, but YOU will look like the jerk if you bail out!!  I can almost guarantee if you do this you will regret it!!  This is not some random girl, it is your sister... if you love her, do the right thing!!  Get that "but she did this to me" justification out of your head, because two wrongs don't make a right!! :)

Posted on March 1, 2011 at 5:08 am
dymonsatl
3
04/02/2011
dymonsatl

dymonsatl

  • 3
  • 13
  • 1.06k
171
Followers
173
Following

dymonsatl

@chloenkitty she is talking about her sister's wedding and her sister not stepping up to the plate for her past wedding......:-)

Posted on March 1, 2011 at 5:11 am
dorkmeetsnerd
4
09/26/2009
dorkmeetsnerd

dorkmeetsnerd

  • 4
  • 11
  • 3.3k
68
Followers
72
Following

dorkmeetsnerd

ditto ladyESQ

Posted on March 1, 2011 at 5:11 am
poppyaka
4
06/11/2011
poppyaka

poppyaka

  • 4
  • 19
  • 2.59k
183
Followers
179
Following

poppyaka

I feel like you should be her MOH unless you truly feel as though you can't push aside the bad feelings you have held onto and put forth positive efforts for her.  It's your choice at the end of the day, what does your FI think?

Posted on March 1, 2011 at 5:12 am
joplin8
3
10/24/2010
joplin8

joplin8

  • 3
  • 11
  • 1.47k
64
Followers
68
Following

joplin8

Agree with Kaytana, I don't think you should have to suck it up just cause it's family. Maybe your sister should have thought about that when she was being a total brat during your wedding. It's not a horrible thing to say no and I definitely don't think being her MOH is necessarily the "right thing to do".
Can you really be there for her the way you wished she had been? If not, then it's NOT the right thing to do, you should step aside so a friend can do it who really wants to.


In actuality the right thing to do is base your decision on what's best for your sister and how she will have the most fun during planning. If you are going to be resentful then it's really not good for your already strained relationship.

Posted on March 1, 2011 at 10:30 am

Have a question? Contact Support
Top Contributors this Week
Miss_M_to_Mrs_W
28 posts
Kuppy13
26 posts
NicholeB
25 posts
Melo819
21 posts
Uhlease
19 posts
Canooknic
17 posts