I feel bad I'm lying...:S

Lovelies,


While I'm super duper happy to be preggo, I'm kind of feeling bad toward one of my friend. We started TTC at the same time back in August and she's still not pregnant (I know...it's been only 5 months since she started TTC so not too concerning).


But we spent a lot of time together during Christmas and while I was sure my breast soreness wasn't a real symptom, she swear she was pregnant cause she had this pression in her belly and never had that before. Today she was 11DPO and took a test, which was BFN...:(. There's still time for her to get her BFP but she had this super sensible test so she's now sure she's not pregnant...


So, she just texted me and asked if I took a test cause she knew I was one day further in my cycle. DH asked me not to tell any of his friend (her boyfriend his DH bestfriend) before we at least no for sure that the embryo is at the right place and of course I agreed. So I just lied to her, telling that my temp droped this morning and that I was waiting AF for tomorrow. I feel soooooooooooooooooooooo bad!!! We discussed this earlier and I explained her that when we would be preggo, we would probably not tell before a couple months and she totally understood. But I still feel awefull lying to her when I know she's so sad not to be pregnant this month....:( It will be really weird afterward to tell her...Humph...!

Posted on January 4, 2013 at 2:13 am
pavez19
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pavez19

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(11) Comments

_MNM
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_MNM

Comment has been removed by Project Wedding due to a violation of our Terms of Use
Posted on January 4, 2013 at 2:31 am
CheekyMar
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CheekyMar

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Dont feel bad! She would probably do the same with you! And I think at the end of the day, you would be happy if she fibbed for a little while to you if the roles were reversed...


Think about how many people you are going to be lying to until you are comfortable going public? I know that we get asked ALL THE TIME when we are going to start popping babies out! I sure as heck am not going to be truthful to a lot of people at first (even my BFF & family members who know we are TTC'ing).

Posted on January 4, 2013 at 6:50 am
NicoleJuliette
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Wouldn't it be awesome if she was BFO too this month but hiding it from you?! Try not to feel bad, though I know that's easier said than done. I've guessed a few of my friends pregnancies beforehand. I'm such a bad liar, I'm going to have to hide away when it's my turn.

Posted on January 4, 2013 at 8:13 am
msdl
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msdl

Aw, I'm so sorry you are in this spot because I know this feeling all too well myself :-(


One of my best friends has been TTC for many months and once DH and I started TTC, we were definitely sharing every bit of the journey together. The day before I took my test, I was around all of my friends at my BFF's wedding. I wasn't feeling too well, and because my friend is charting and knows all the signs, she guessed that I was probably pregnant. Of course, I took a test the next day and got my BFP. She didn't ask me about it for several more weeks, and I didn't share it. Mostly out of respect for her process and the fact that it was the holidays, etc. I shared it with her a few weeks after the fact, and she was extremely supportive and gracious (as I knew she would be). It's still so hard, though. I would give anything to be sharing the journey together and hope so much that it will happen for them soon. 


I think, like Laurie said, once you reach a certain point where you are comfortable telling people (first u/s, after first trimester, etc.), you could share it with her at that time. It would probably be best if she heard it from you early on and had time to process it before others find out.


It is so incredibly hard keeping such happy news to yourself in those first few days and weeks. {Hugs}

Posted on January 4, 2013 at 3:21 pm
pavez19
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pavez19

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pavez19

Thanks ladies, I knew you would understand!


I'm sure she'll be very happy for us when we'll tell her. I'm just praying very hard for her to get her BFP in the next few months so she would be pregnant at that time, making it a bit easier for her to hear :).

Posted on January 5, 2013 at 12:09 am
IdoAgain20years
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IdoAgain20years

I understand sensitivities and everything, but I would not lie about it. It may actually hurt more. I would suggest taking her for coffee or something and tell her. I would also say she can't tell anyone because you don't feel like it will stay yet. You want to wait for the doctors. I am sure she would understand.


Having talked to MANY women who have infertility I can say that they prefer to be given time to adjust before the BIG announcement. That way they can deal with their emotions first.


If I ended up preggo again I know I would send a snail mail letter to my SIL giving her time to deal and adjust. Then wait another month or two before a BIG announcement. I would hate to upset her. She is such a dear and I love her as if she were actually my sister. She has been in my life over 18 years.

Posted on January 5, 2013 at 1:58 am
Claire27
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Pascale, I would not worry about not telling her - she knows about your previous m/c?  When you do tell her, tell her you waited because it was too hard to have to tell everyone about your m/c, you didn't get to grieve over it in private, you had to relive it with everyone over and over.  I'm sure she'll understand, I would!

Posted on January 6, 2013 at 9:57 am
jackieg
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Speaking as someone who saw every friend get pregnant with one or even 2 kids while we were still struggling....I would not appreciate the lie....me feel worse if people kept it from me...which a few did....
Posted on January 6, 2013 at 10:23 am
_MNM
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_MNM

Comment has been removed by Project Wedding due to a violation of our Terms of Use
Posted on January 6, 2013 at 1:12 pm
jackieg
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jackieg

jackieg

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jackieg

I understand she wants to wait...after 2 miscarriages and a TFMR...we chose not to tell anybody besides very close friends and family until 20 weeks with this current pregnancy...now 36 weeks.... I just saying for me, there is a difference between keeping something to yourself to protect your feelings and straight-up lying to someone. But it's each person's decision.
Posted on January 6, 2013 at 1:48 pm
_MNM
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_MNM

Comment has been removed by Project Wedding due to a violation of our Terms of Use
Posted on January 6, 2013 at 2:10 pm

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