I regretfully decline

Is there a polite way to decline being in someone's bridal party?  Were any of you faced with this scenario?  What about a declined RSVP?

Posted on November 12, 2013 at 1:10 pm
Fearce
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(9) Comments

Canooknic
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Is there a reason that you don't want to be in their BP?

is it going to be hard for you to get involved in activities because of work? Maybe because you're planning your amazing day? I think honesty is the best policy (unless its because you hate the groom or something like that!!! Lol) 

Posted on November 12, 2013 at 1:42 pm
Uhlease
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Uhlease

 Ditto canook!!!

Posted on November 12, 2013 at 1:51 pm
Fearce
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Fearce

 Oh no this is all hypothetical!  Just a question I've wanted to throw out there!

Posted on November 12, 2013 at 2:11 pm
Sammy_D
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Well then, I think Nicky's advice is spot on if anyone runs into that type of situation! Good question, it pays to know how to be tactful :)

Posted on November 12, 2013 at 2:19 pm
Fearce
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Fearce

 Yes!  I've had someone gracefully bow out because of money issues but I was just hoping this might help someone or at least spark up a good PW conversation!

Posted on November 12, 2013 at 2:31 pm
krosa
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09/16/2012
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 we have declined rsvps before because the wedding site was not handicap accessible, and i am handicapped.  we got an rsvp to a wedding that was going to be taking place when we were moving, so we had to decline.  another was declined because my dad had just died.

Posted on November 14, 2013 at 1:13 am
mrsnicholas
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I agree that honesty is the best policy here but you should also be polite.

I have read countless community forum posts on wedding planning sites where bridal party members back out on the wedding weeks or even days before the wedding day and almost all of them claim that it is because of financial reasons like they can not afford to buy the dress. I have wondered sometimes if it really is due to another reason but money problems is the easiest excuse to use.

I have never declined an RSVP. Last year there was a wedding in my family a few days after xmas and many of the invited people did not show up. There really was not much notice that the wedding was happening, the reception was pot luck and the bride never mailed out invitations. We were calling people the day of the wedding to find out what time to be at the church. My FMIL said that she heard that a few people were not coming because they didn't like the idea of the pot luck reception. I doubt that those people told the couple that reason though.

 

Posted on November 14, 2013 at 4:40 am
misshammy
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06/12/2010
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 Agree with all the above.

If you are not honest, what does that say about the friendship you hold with the bride/groom?

I would stress how flattered I am to be asked to be a part of their big day but explain that I just do not have the funds/time/comfortable/whatever the reason may be.

And I woudl do it ASAP!  Nothing like someone backing out so close to the wedding!

Posted on November 14, 2013 at 9:17 pm
Uhlease
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Uhlease

 Great idea Fearce, sometimes the best way is to see where the conversation goes :)

Here's another example: My friend (childhood friend, but never super super close), asked me to a BM like right after I had graduated college, and this was before I knew much about weddings at all,  so I agreed happily. She may have been a little on the 'zilla' side, I also should have taken into consideration how much it was going to cost me. It was at a time where I hadn't found my full time job yet and was strapped for cash. So everything she asked us to pay for seemed astronomical. *Looking back, most of it was normal, dress, shoes, etc, but I still felt a little mad about the hair/makeup stuff, but like I said, I had no idea back then! If I was a little more mature, I would have had a convo with her about stuff, but luckily it's all in the past now :)

Posted on November 15, 2013 at 3:01 am

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